On Being Fi

Every once in a while, I see a movie or a show, and I wonder what it would be like to be that person. Not sure if it is me wanting to be someone more glamorous, or me just over-analyzing an otherwise uncaptivating movie/television program, but there you have it.

There is a USA Network show (and since I don't have cable, I have to watch it online). I actually saw it first at a hotel – last year, I think. I can't remember now. Not that I spend a lot of time in hotels.

The show is Burn Notice, and the character I desperately would love to be is Fiona Glenanne, the ex-girlfriend of the main character, Michael Weston. Fiona is played by Gabrielle Anwar, who is best-known for her tango with Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman (got to love IMDb). I am unsure I have seen Ms. Anwar in anything other than Scent of a Woman, and Mr. Pacino stole the show in that movie.

Fiona, or Fi as she is often called on the show, is a bomb expert, sniper, kick-your-ass-while-wearing-high-heels kind of girl. She is smart, sexy and has killer fashion sense. She has a sense of humor and she seems to be very sure of herself. All the time.

One thing I have learned over the years is that most women – deep down inside – don't feel confident about themselves. We work and expect our own work to be perfect, and we make 85 cents on the dollar of what men make for the same work. I think part of this is because we know we can do better, and that is reflected in us not asking our bosses for the salary we deserve.

Then someone writes a script that includes Fi. The men, well, they want to ogle her. And the women want to be her. I mean, Michael is a dream man – strong, sensitive, smart, who looks good and treats Fi well. Okay, he is an ass to her on occasions, breaking her heart on occasion and not telling her how he feels, but we like a guy who is a bit broken. Deep down, I think we like imperfections that we can help fix.

Burn Notice is probably mostly a guy show. There are lots of explosions, gun play and camera pans of the Miami beach front (code for "girls in bikinis in the background of the scenes). But it appeals to me as well. I want to be the put-together Fi who can kick a little bad-guy ass and look good doing it.

Anyway, part of me is thinking, I can be Fi, I really can. All I have to do is stop eating (she is too damn skinny), work out my upper body at the gym (I am concentrating on my lower body right now), learn a lot about safe-cracking (I will sign up for a class at the local community college – they have a class for everything there), take a chemistry class or two from the Unibomber, and turn my 401-K into Fi's eclectic wardrobe. When Summer rolls around, not only will I be "bikini ready", but I will be able to hotwire a car, intimidate a gang-banger and make an IED from items found under my kitchen sink.