A little more than two weeks ago (I delayed this post for more than a week, struggling with publishing it), I could not sleep.
I woke up, started to read, but I did not get drowsy. I then turned on the computer. Unlike some people, I rarely use my home computer. At work, I use email, web surf and order things online. When I get home, I don't often even turn on the computer.
I looked at my blog, then someone I read, and I found the image to the side, along with the following: In Memory: Suzanne Horne (Liquid), Aug 13, 1966 - Dec 24, 2008.
Shortly thereafter, I clicked onto Liquid's site, a site from someone who had died on Christmas Eve. There was not a single light on in my study, just the glow from the computer screen, and I started reading the blog. I had read Liquid's blog before – I was an occasional reader of her blog when I read more blogs per week.
Her last post was entitled, "It's That Time Folks!" There was a picture of a fat man, shirtless, ironing a Santa suit. Liquid posted several comments to that post, and one wonders if she knew she was going to kill herself when she made her last post.
Even after she killed herself, some people were giving her well-wishes. There is a mixture of "God speed" and well-wishes, actually, between Christmas day and New Year's Day.
When I was reading Liquid's blog, bathed in the soft glow of the computer screen, I felt close to Suzanne. I felt like she was speaking . . . to me.
If you know Liquid, you know she was a photographer. You can see some of her pictures here. I knew her as an author of her blog, nothing else. So when I read the obituary in the Meridian Star, I got a glimpse of the woman behind the website:
Jeri Suzanne Horne
Jeri Suzanne Horne Services for Jeri Suzanne Horne will be held Tuesday at 2 p.m. at James F. Webb Funeral Home Chapel with the Revs. Joseph Hallman, and Dennis Marks officiating. Burial will be in Pine Springs Southern Methodist Church Cemetery. Mrs. Horne, 42, of Meridian, died Wednesday, December 24, 2008, at her residence. She was employed as a hairdresser. Survivors include her parents, Jerry and Betty White of Meridian, daughter, Isabella Horne of Meridian, son, Campbell Horne of Meridian, brother, Greg White and Ronna of Davie, Fla., niece, Madelyn White of Davie. Visitation will be Monday, 5p.m.-7 p.m. at the funeral home. Pallbearers will be Barry Murphy, Mike Grant, David Medlin, Bo Pierce, Richard Daniel, and Bryan Culpepper.
I paused, not sure I should share the obituary. But a half-a-dozen bloggers have already posted her obituary, so I figured the facts have already been out there. Who knows if this is right . . . .
Anyway, I read somewhere that we die twice. Once when we actually die, and another time when no one left on Earth remembers us. Suzanne died on December 24th. Her family and friends, who are understandably still hurting from her actions, will remember her for a long time to come. The pain will slowly diminish, and they will remember some of the better times, the times when Suzanne made them smile.
Suzanne, or Liquid (as I knew you), farewell. You will be missed. Those of you who knew Suzanne have the opportunity to sign her guestbook.