Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Obituary of a Photographer/Blogger

 Suzanne HorneA little more than two weeks ago (I delayed this post for more than a week, struggling with publishing it), I could not sleep.

I woke up, started to read, but I did not get drowsy. I then turned on the computer. Unlike some people, I rarely use my home computer. At work, I use email, web surf and order things online. When I get home, I don't often even turn on the computer.

I looked at my blog, then someone I read, and I found the image to the side, along with the following: In Memory: Suzanne Horne (Liquid), Aug 13, 1966 - Dec 24, 2008.

Shortly thereafter, I clicked onto Liquid's site, a site from someone who had died on Christmas Eve. There was not a single light on in my study, just the glow from the computer screen, and I started reading the blog. I had read Liquid's blog before – I was an occasional reader of her blog when I read more blogs per week.

Her last post was entitled, "It's That Time Folks!" There was a picture of a fat man, shirtless, ironing a Santa suit. Liquid posted several comments to that post, and one wonders if she knew she was going to kill herself when she made her last post.

Even after she killed herself, some people were giving her well-wishes. There is a mixture of "God speed" and well-wishes, actually, between Christmas day and New Year's Day.

When I was reading Liquid's blog, bathed in the soft glow of the computer screen, I felt close to Suzanne. I felt like she was speaking . . . to me.

If you know Liquid, you know she was a photographer. You can see some of her pictures here. I knew her as an author of her blog, nothing else. So when I read the obituary in the Meridian Star, I got a glimpse of the woman behind the website:

Jeri Suzanne Horne
Jeri Suzanne Horne Services for Jeri Suzanne Horne will be held Tuesday at 2 p.m. at James F. Webb Funeral Home Chapel with the Revs. Joseph Hallman, and Dennis Marks officiating. Burial will be in Pine Springs Southern Methodist Church Cemetery. Mrs. Horne, 42, of Meridian, died Wednesday, December 24, 2008, at her residence. She was employed as a hairdresser. Survivors include her parents, Jerry and Betty White of Meridian, daughter, Isabella Horne of Meridian, son, Campbell Horne of Meridian, brother, Greg White and Ronna of Davie, Fla., niece, Madelyn White of Davie. Visitation will be Monday, 5p.m.-7 p.m. at the funeral home. Pallbearers will be Barry Murphy, Mike Grant, David Medlin, Bo Pierce, Richard Daniel, and Bryan Culpepper.


I paused, not sure I should share the obituary. But a half-a-dozen bloggers have already posted her obituary, so I figured the facts have already been out there. Who knows if this is right . . . .

Anyway, I read somewhere that we die twice. Once when we actually die, and another time when no one left on Earth remembers us. Suzanne died on December 24th. Her family and friends, who are understandably still hurting from her actions, will remember her for a long time to come. The pain will slowly diminish, and they will remember some of the better times, the times when Suzanne made them smile.

Suzanne, or Liquid (as I knew you), farewell. You will be missed. Those of you who knew Suzanne have the opportunity to sign her guestbook.

12 comments:

AcuityTodos said...

It shocks me that a casual browse of her blog would not have suggested she was as desperate as she must have been. What we reveal to others is just a projected shell of what we really are.

A tragic waste. Her photos are quite beautiful. Thanks for posting this - though it will disturb me all day.

74WIXYgrad said...

There are many of us whose lives were touched by Suzanne. She and I had a friendship off the blogs that began on the blogs. I got to know some things about her to know that she had many problems.

Despite all these problems, I know she loved many folks and absolutely enjoyed her presence on the internet.

And as I have stated many times in the past 7 weeks, I wish she could have shown herself the same love that she showed others.

Leesa said...

AcuityTodos: I read about her in mid-January, and I was disturbed at the time. Not the first blogger that I have read about to commit suicide. Certainly won't be the last.

WIXY: I knew she was your friend; I am sorry for your loss.

Dr. Deb said...

I knew about Liquid's passing a while ago, and it really hit me hard. Last year another blog pal died after struggling with anorexia. So hard to process these losses.

~Deb said...

Wow...really makes you think: we're ALL vulnerable. Sorry to hear of this.

kathi said...

I spent a lot of time yesterday reading her blog and looking at her pictures. She had such spirit and personality. Sad that I didn't find her before she left us. I'm sorry for the loss of her in our world.

Awake In Rochester said...

I like your honesty. I didn't know Liquid long, but her blog was a refuge for me. Some nights I spent hours there. I have trouble with anxiety and depression. Somehow reading her blog, and listening to her music calmed me down. I felt accepted by her. Little did I know that the person who could calm me had great inner turmoil. I wish I knew, but I don't think that it would have changed the results.

Amias said...

How very touching .. and so true. Thank you for remembering, as I will never forget her.

Tassy said...

Suzanne was the one who gave me so much trust in myself, who picked me up when I was down and who made me love what I do even more....I will never forget her as she touched my heart a way not many people did!I would like to thank you for this post as it is so very nice to know that she has touched so many people...

Tassy
x

Leesa said...

I didn't know of Suzanne nor her blog until after her death, though another of her reader's blog. It brought a great sadness to my heart- for her own loss of life- a beautiful and talented person who was admired and loved by many, for her family and friends who have lost this beautiful light in their lives. She will always be remembered in the heart and will never be forgotten...
Beautiful post...
Namaste,
Leesa

rdl said...

I still sometimes can't belive it. I was reeling from the loss when i first heard. So sad.

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