I started writing this on June 7, 2007, but I did not get very far. This is, however, the last full post that is left in draft status. I am doing that happy dance.
When I was new1 to blogging, I wrote a post about which superhero I would like as a lover. But I was thinking, the other day, what if my hubbie was a superhero. I mean, how would he be as a lover?
I mean, Superman has super strength. He can blow out of his mouth and release a hurricane. What makes you think, even if he was shooting "blanks", that he would not, at the very least, bruise a cervix? And, if I were to be crude, can you imagine the bruises if he ever wanted to give a girl a pearl necklace?
There are many different super heroes where super strength is an issue. The Incredible Hulk, that Orange "Incredible Hulk" want-to-be made of rock2, Superman, and many others. How can I put this? I bruise easily. And I would not want bruises down my arms, on my legs and in any other place a super lover happened to touch me. A side thought: do you think the Thing is always "hard"? A question that just popped into my head.
There are some super heroes that can read minds. That would totally suck to be involved in a relationship with someone who did not need to talk. Most men are not very talkative (and the ones who are, well, many of them should just shut up). To have a guy pry into your mind, that would just suck. At least he would never ask, "How was I?"
Wonder Woman's lasso is a special case. Not really a super power, but something that Wonder Woman uses a whole heck of a lot. Wonder Woman is from Themyscira (I Googled it, I had no idea what the place was called – I would have called it Amazonia). Okay, I won't do any other research here, but as I recall, Wonder Woman was part of an island where there were no men. All women – tall, beautiful women – all the time. If I were Wonder Woman, I would be lesbian. I mean, you are on an island full of women (no men around), and after a while, you want to do more than swim and swing from vine to vine. So if I were an inhabitant of Themyscira, I would be lesbian, but it would suck to have Wonder Woman as a lover. Well, it would be pretty darned good until she used her lasso on you. "So that's where my red pumps went to." Okay, so my hubbie would not be some woman with Playtex Wonderbra boobies . . . .
Wonder Twin Powers
The Wonder Twins are a pair of twins, Zan and Jayna, teenage aliens. Zan, the boy, can turn into any form of water, and Jayna, the girl, can turn into any animal (real or mythical – they are aliens, by the by, so this doesn't have to make too much sense). All I can think is "ew." I don't want a hubbie that can turn into an ice dildo (seems more like torture than sex) or an animal (we are not going to get into bestiality). These seem to be the strange sex powers in my book, more appropriately just left alone. Believe it or not, I like plain vanilla sex just fine, thank you very much. Though, I write about really strange things.
One of my favorite super heroes is Aquaman. Hey, I grew up where Jacques Cousteau was celebrated. So Aquaman was a big deal. But if he were my lover, I would imagine after having sex, he would use his thought power to steer his little fishies through my fallopian tubes and elsewhere. And that would totally freak me out. And I would tell Aquaman that his little fishies are not really fish. I might even use a curse word.
1Well, the post was on October 13, 2005, and I started blogging in September 2005. Not that this was about James Tilly Matthews or anything.
2I think this is the Thing, part of the Fantastic Four. But I am not sure.
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