Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Fat Ass

I wrote about Samantha's scare Monday; for something similar, you can read ~Deb's scare here. Today's post will be less scary, but still about bodies. In re-reading ~Deb's story (I won't comment on the particulars because you ought to read it), I just remembered that I hate when doctors call patients "clients"; I just hate it.

I was chatting with a friend yesterday, and then excused myself to go to the gym. You see, I need to loose 10 pounds, preferably having five of them come off my ass. I weigh 135 pounds, and I would like to get to what I consider my ideal weight: 125 pounds. I am a mere 5'2", but 125 pounds seems to be a good weight for me. 1

When I was in college, I was 118 pounds, and I shifted from 115 (scary skinny; ribs poking out) to 125 (after nights of beer and pizza and less dancing than I should have done). By the time I was a senior, it seemed that I was destined to be 122 pounds forever. My weight was fairly steady by then, and I was too stupid to know that my metabolism might one day slow down. Yeah, I was a college kid.

I remained about the same weight for more than ten years. Fifteen years? Okay, ten years. And then I started gaining a bit of weight. Not much. A pound or two a year. Maybe three pounds occasionally. But they are cumulative pounds, and I find myself sitting at 135 pounds now. The other day, I heard someone say her favorite number was 8. It is a curse for me. I was always a dress size 6, and now, I am an 8. I hate that number. At first, I occasionally bought a dress with the number 8 sewn into the back. I would blame it on the manufacturer sizing a bit different than standard sizing. I can't use that rationalization anymore. I am the poster girl for size 8.

I joined a gym about a year ago, and I have been going, on and off, not really committing myself. Feeling good enough to stabilize my weight. Now, I do elliptical. Something I used to call Stair Stepper ®. At first, I thought the word "elliptical" was a bad description. I don't want my butt in the shape of an ellipsis. Then it occurred to me that the work referred to the motion the feet may be making. That makes more sense.

I have heard and read that America is getting, how does the media put it, "too damn fat." My personal struggle over ten pounds would qualify me to fix the problem, were I to work for the government in the fat regulation office. Well, it is probably called something like Council on Calorie Control in the U.S. Government Accountability Office.

My first thought would be to announce that by January 1, 2009, the only clothes that would be legal to wear in public would be bikini bottoms for women and Speedos® for men.2 I know, I know. As Fat Burner Czar, it would seem strict. I would be crucified in the media. They would call me a kook.

But let's think about it. Without clothes, you can't hide any fat. And you would be encouraged to loose a bit of weight. That would be my strategy.

I know, I know, with all that skin out there, there would be lots of gawking. And I would not want to wander the produce isle, constantly hearing, "Nice melons."

But I would do change in direction. After everybody would complain about going nudie (children excluded, of course), putting them in some Star Trek like snug suit would be a breeze. All of the naughty parts would be covered, but you can't hide the fat.

Me, I am going to go back to the gym today. And tomorrow. Looking to loose the ten pounds. I just hope that the pounds don't come from my breasts. Now, that would suck.


1 A little curvy without having a pouch in the front or a big ass.
And, no, Grant, I don't look like those skinny ass Japanese women (girls).
2I would need the generic word for Speedos®, but that is a small hurdle.

12 comments:

グラント said...

The great thing about Japanese women is that you can indulge in your pedophile fantasies with a woman of legal age. My Japanese teacher is in her 30's, stands no more than 5' tall and probably weighs a little under 90 pounds. Like you, she is worried that she is overweight and has been hitting the gym.

Advizor said...

I think we are all in the on-going battle to lose "the last 10 pounds."

I dropped 25+ pounds with weight watchers 3 years ago, and have, as of last week, put them all back on. Just shoot me.

I'm always at the gym, I just love my M&Ms and burgers too much. So, we all start over, promise to be good, eat our granola, and pray that the scale gives us good news.

My goal is 10 pounds by May 13th, 20 by the end of June.

Edge said...

You really want to see me walking down the street flagging you down in a speedo, because I'm totally ok with you in a bikini bottom as you are.

~Jef

Leesa said...

grant: er, yeah, grant. Yeah.

advizor: When I reach my ideal weight again, I will tell myself how nice it feels to be able to choose the bikini or one piece based on fashion, not on hiding the lbs.

edge: my intent is not to see you in a Speedo. It was to use the thought of people seeing me with my little pooch as motivation.

GW Mush said...

Hi Leesa,

If everyone had to walk around naked, I would definately be doing a 1000 sit ups a day, hehe

Good luck with the 10 lb goal but im betting that you look pretty delicious just as you are:)

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh I'd LOVE to lose 10 pounds...20 would be IDEAL.

I'm 5'3" tall and my smallest weight was when I married The PK...I was at 121....he thought I was to skinny then (he likes a little meat on his women).

I think my metabolism just took a hike when I hit 35. I've been looking for it everywhere and just can't find the damn thing. ;)

And it seems the first damn place I lose weight IS my boobs. I hate that.

Leesa said...

gw mush: exactly. That's what I was talking about. Shame about how we really look is a great motivator.

stacy: You know, when I gained my 10 pounds, none of it went to my boobs. Not a freakin' ounce.

~Deb said...

You ever hear the term, "She has an ass of an 8 year old boy?" It sounds really sick. This is what young girls are after - an ass that can't even wiggle. Bleck. See, for me, my target regarding women, since I'm Lebanese and all, is a thick frame, a nice round (_|_) and a BRAIN! I was never into skinny girls - although there's nothing wrong with that.

Truth be said that there are women with extra luggage on them that are MUCH MORE healthier than some skinny women. Say a woman that weighs more than the average Jane may have low cholesterol, work out often, and the skinny girl never works out but eats a lot of bad stuff... It depends on genetics and what you consume and how much activity goes into it.

Me? I'm genetically ALWAYS on the thicker side. I never wanted to be skinny -- if anything, I want to be really big with muscles. (That must be the dyke in me talking now.)

I've hired a personal trainer a coupla' months ago into the end of the summer. I've lost 15 lbs, 5 inches and trying SO hard to lose a few because I went over "my limit". Inactivity due to a bad back led into more inactivity even when I got better. I thought I could still eat what I used to when I worked out 2 hours per day.

Now? I work out almost **3** hours per day 4 days a week just to maintain a healthy weight.

It's hard at first, but it starts getting addicting! I do the elliptical for an hour after a 2 hour training program. Change it up a bit though, because your body gets used to that one motion. One day, do the boring ass treadmill, and then the bike the next. I found more results that way.

But can I just say YOU'RE CRAZY - because I would LOVE to be 130!

Pffffffffffft!

Leesa said...

~deb: I don't have an ass like an 8 year old boy. And why did you pick "8". That's my dress size. I am 135 pounds, sweetie, not 130. Congrats on loosing the weight. I want my weight off so I can feel better, not necessarily so I will look better. When I am a healthy weight, I feel more alive, more like doing stuff.

~Deb said...

Oh, I didn't pick the number 8 ----it's a very well known phrase. When I first heard it, I was like, "ARE YOU SICK?"

Anyway, it's very healthy to want to look good and feel good - the whole package.

Most of all, the sexiest quality is your mind.
xo

Leesa said...

~deb: And my mind fires on all synapses when I work out.

Diane Mandy said...

I'm with you i the battle of the bulge. 10 pounds doesn't seem like all that much,but last time with a strict diet and exercise plan it took me 2/1/2 months!