Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Practicing to Communicate

On Monday, I wrote a little piece that looked like erotica. Well, it was an introduction to what would have been an erotic short story or script for porno (do they even have scripts?).

One line that caught the attention of a few readers follows: "Then Leesa seductively ran her right index finder down the front of her summer dress."

When I was answering comments, it got me to thinking: over the years, I have come to practice certain non-verbal communication skills aimed at sending messages that I would rather send with my body, not my words.

Drawing attention with the Finger
Maybe I first saw it in a movie, I don't know. It is a fairly common move, I would imagine. For me, it is my way of saying, "Pay attention to me." Or maybe, "Look what may be in store for you." I don't know. The fun thing about non-verbal communication is that the meaning varies slightly from sender-to-receiver. And it could also be something that is frustrating as well.

I have used a finger to trace my thighs, as well. Again, same meaning. Oh, gawd, this is a bit embarrassing to write. I don't often point to areas near my ass . . . .

Tucking hair behind my ear
Again, in the story, something I occasionally do. And I don't like when my hair is short, partly because I can't tuck my hair. I don't do it to be sexy at all. It is meant to say, "Look at me, I am cute." Or insecure. Or something else. Crap, as I am writing this, I am realizing most of these non-verbal cues are about noticing me.

The Head Tilt
I actually used to practice my head tilt. I would tilt my head down, then raise my eyes. Were I a money or gorilla, perhaps this would be a submissive sign. That I was acting submissive to whomever I was with. For my husband – and when I was dating, for my dates – I think acting submissive is a turn-on for the men. I am not 100% why this is; why men would want a submissive woman. But men do. Some of the time. Oh, and playing submissive, some times, can be fun. Playing submissive all of the time is a bit boring.

The Wink
I suck at winking. I cannot wink seductively. I have tried. I have practiced winking, and I just don't do it well. When I was a girl, my winking could be characterized as blinking. I could not control one eye without the other one imitating it. Same with the lids. And I love, how non-verbally, the wink means, "I know that, too." Or "we have a shared secret."

When I was in high school, and, embarrassingly, in college as well, I would practice some of my non-verbal cues. I wanted all of my communications to be magical, to catch someone's eye. To make me seem more complicated than I am.

Oh, and I don't really know if I want to open up this entry to comments. It seems a little too close to home.


~Deb said...

The nonverbal/unspoken gestures or flirtatious innuendos always intrigued me more than the bold approach. It was a mystery. "Did she mean THAT???" We all do nonverbal cues subconsciously whether we know it or not. They did this study where women would automatically cross one leg over the other if an attractive male walked into the room- (just an example). And men, they would make sure their socks were up, by pulling them. (??) Strange, but it was a study.

I flip my hair a lot...because, well,'s down to my waist and I don't wanna look like Cousin It. But, sometimes, when I see an attractive female, I'll play with my hair. I guess we all have our "cues".

I would also like to argue the point that I think it's 50/50 with men liking submissive vs. a more dominant woman. ;) We'll leave Grant out of this for now.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I'm not sure Grant would care about the dom/sub long as she was a J-hottie. ;)

I suck at flirting...always have. And if a guy flirts with me, I'm usually clueless because I think to myself "Is he flirting with me? Nah....he can't be. Well...maybe he is? Mmm...nope." I don't want to look like an ass by a simple misinterpretation, you know? Most guys who ever wanted to get to know me had to pretty much hit me over the head with a club like they did back in caveman times. ;)

Joe said...

Erm...I'll be right back. I'm going to head on over to YouTube to do a search for "Leesa's non-verbal gestures"

Tim said...

Leesa, great follow-up to the Pizza Guy. What a way to start the day reading about your non-verbal cues...whew! Joe, if you find anything on YouTube, pass it on.. ha ha
I was never any good at non-verbal, but when I first moved here, my Irish brogue made up for the non-verbal. Of course it didn't do me any good back home. Go figure.....

Leesa said...

~deb: I don't do hair flips well. I am not sure I will touch on the dom/sub aspects.

stacy: "I suck at flirting." I think men like sucking more than flirting.

joe: I bet there is a good non-verbal YouTube video.

tim: Irish brogue. Oh, I could listen to an Irish brogue for hours.

グラント said...

I used to look for subtle signals like when women close their legs and turn away (that's an obvious invitation to pounce) or file for restraining orders, but then I realized that tiny Japanese women are really easy to overpower, so I quit worrying about whether or not they actually like me. Same goes for the female orgasm - I don't care.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

"I think men like sucking more than flirting."

Good thing for me, huh? ;)

LarryLilly said...

Leesa, regarding story's, you have TONS of stuff available at your command.

When I used to write personal fantasy's for women, I would employ these, and that was back in the mid 90's, when the number of web cams online were only a thousand worldwide. Now, with them EVERYWHERE, you can get locales that are real, real time, outdoor locations, plazas, cafes with people, color, street names, buildings, descriptions, traffic, the whole scene etc.

Pages and pages of location, time of season, day, dusk, dawn, mid day, whatever, taking yourself and your readers to real places that maybe you have not been to,m but with webcams, your there.

Start a romance story, woman in town on business, meeting a local in a plaza at lunch of her first day, your good at filing in the blanks, but this is just one idea to go where you would like, even if you havent been there yet.

And yeah, the finger down the side or the front, works every time.

Leesa said...

grant: sounds like you got the subtleties out of the way.

stacy: I imagine you keep the Peanut King well entertained.

larry: webcams? Actually, the details make some stories.

kathi said...

First - I TOO love an irish brogue! Secondly, the stories I could tell... :)

GW Mush said...

The only real cue that matters is that Leesa is a hot babe.
Enuff said.

Leesa said...

kathi: I would guess that you have stories.

gw mush: thanks, sweetie.

~Deb said...

Kathi - even **I** would date a MAN ----IF----he had an Irish brogue. Totally obsessed with Colin Farrell.............

Ok. Must. go. back. to. Lesbianville.

~Deb said...

Hey Leesa, I shoulda' did this from tbe beginning, but I'm finding myself more entertained and occupied parked on your site than I did with blogging itself!

Tim said...

Maybe my "luck of the Irish" isn't as strong since I've been here so long... I may sound like Farrell Deb, but don't look like im.

Leesa said...

~deb: I would date an Irish woman with certain accents.

~deb: parking on my site. And I am here less and less.

tim: if I were you, I would spend most of my time on the phone. Then your lady friends would get all worked up, and by the time . . . .

Okay, this is getting too personal.

Tim said...

em... I don't think that idea would go over real well with a certain lady, that being my wife. ha ha

Ian Lidster said...

Head tilt and tucking hair behind the ear symbolize many things in a seductive female. The head tilt definitely indicates 'I am interested', and the tucking hair indicates 'I am interested enough to be a bit disconcerted.'
Winking is crass and too overt.
Such fun stuff.
Here's an idea for a book: one on the art of flirtation/seduction. I know it's been done before, but your honest spins on these things are highly original.

Leesa said...

tim: excellent point.

ian: not sure there is a point to a book on seduction from a woman's point of view. The thing that rings true for me is a When Harry Met Sally line: "Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place." May not be the exact quote, but it is close.