The Sex Enzyme

Men and women are different. Yeah, I know this. I get that. And here is another way that men and women are different.

I have been to counseling on more than one occasion. Shocker there, dear readers. When I went to counseling to fix our marriage the first time, it was mostly to fix what was wrong with me. I mean, yeah, I know marital problem are both people's faults, but most of it was my doing. I won't go into the counseling sessions, but there was lots of talking, lots of introspection, lots of working on me and us. In short, it was what I needed for this.

Fast forward to another series of counseling sessions. This was for our marriage again, and you know, it was for both of us but we spent more time on my hubbie this time. Seems fair, huh? Again, there was lots of talking, lots of introspection, lots of working on us. And you know, it was surprisingly slow.

Oh, and there is a twist. How can I put this? Er, I thought it was a good idea to stop sexual relations while we were "introspecting". Here is my rationale: when I was getting married, I remember Marriage Encounter, a Catholic thing where men and women look at their relationships and test them, ensuring that the marriage is something that will not be a mistake. And part of this was weekly meetings with the priest. We stopped having sex because the priest asked us to, and the reason was that emotions (sex) sometimes clouds our reasoning skills. And I can attest to that.

But you know, for the second series of counseling sessions, counseling with abstinence was not working at all. So I abandoned my self-prescribed abstinence. And well, it seemed that sex seemed to help with the counseling. Now I am not saying this is cause and effect, or that sex can solve problems on its own. That would be simplistic.

I remember high school chemistry though, and there were certain reactions that required some type of catalyst (inorganic chemicals) or enzyme (organic, I believe) in order to help a reaction along. It is like Chemical X and Chemical Y mixed together would never react without some type of catalyst.

And now that I have seen marriage therapy with and without sex, I am wondering if sex is some type of catalyst, some type of enzyme for me. Not that the sex fixes things, but that sex somehow allows men to connect, to communicate, to show love. Not to love, but to show love.

I think therapy helps oh so much. But for some, for men, it seems, sex can be a catalyst. Sex was healing for me, also, but it was not necessary for my introspection, for my healing, for my connecting.

I really don't know much when it comes to therapy. I thought I knew so much when I was younger. Turns out, the world is a lot more complicated than that. And perhaps sex does not make men connect more. But it does for my man.