Have you ever had someone who continually said things to you in order to get a rise out of you? My readership is primarily male and the offenders, at least in my life, have been primarily female.
Generally, men don't say stuff to get you upset. That is not to say that men don't say hurtful things. But you know, I don't think men intentionally say hurtful things because even though I occasionally kid men about how smart they are, they are not dumb. And when you say something that upsets us, just be prepared to enter into no less than three long conversations where (1) you must talk about your feelings, (2) you must listen to us without trying to "solve anything" (premature solving of problems is like penalty shots in hockey1), and (3) we will bring up things you have thought we have forgotten about. Men are smarter than that. They hate long conversations, and if you say mean things, you are in for long conversations.
Men conserve their words. Well, most men. Not Herman Melville. But you get paid by the word and see how many adjectives you need to complete a sentence.2
Anyway, some women just are mean. They say mean things "without thinking." Oh, and the "without thinking" is totally BS. It is just their evil skewing of hurtful words are just second nature.
When I was younger, I would discuss these mean things with the evil girls. Well, when I was really young, I pulled hair, and most often, evil girls have really strong grips and they don't mind tearing hair out from the root. Once you have had that happen, it sort of heals you from any hair-pulling response to vile words.
But when you say something, or cry, or react in any way to the evil words, you have given the person power. So now I internalize it. Yeah, I can say that none of the words hurt, but that is psychological BS. The words hurt. But you know, now I internalize the hurt, the pain, and so instead of giving the power to the evil-word spew-er, I have an increase chance of a heart attach. Maybe I will have to re-think this internalizing. I hear hair-pulling is aerobic exercise.
1Okay, so I totally made up the hockey thing. Hockey is supposed to be the "new sport." Sort of like soccer was in the 80s. The really cool people know about hockey now. Well, the really cool people and Minnesotans. That's where all the hockey teams are, right?
2I have nothing against Herman Melville, per se. But you can use his books to stop bullets. Think Jackie Chan.
My Interview on Decorating Early for Christmas
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3. My Stories. Yeah, I have a few erotic stories here. I know, they are not all that good, but they were fun to write. Don't read them if this offends you (and they represent less than 1% of the content here). These stories have elements of truth and fantasy, some more true than others. Complain about something that is a bit more substantive if you must complain. I have lots of faults.
11 comments:
Melville was inexcusable at many levels, including trying to boringly convince his readers that a whale was a fish.
Other than that, my wife has often said that the worst enemies of women are other women, never men. Bless her. And, like you suggest, females can be much crueler than males because males tend to let things pass more quickly.
Ian
I have friends here at work that have teenage girls, and with the IM and the like, now a girl can start a vicious about a girl, and it will spread instantly to 100 other mean spirit girls.
Yeah, guys just dook it out, its over with.
With my wife, when I come close to saying something, but I dont, and my wife knows that I was about to say something and didnt, and she gives me "that look", I look at her and say, At my age, do you think I am still alive AND sane by saying stupid things to a woman.
With age, comes many lessons, with experience, comes many correct choices.
Leesa, I know of what you speak. I pick my battles, bite my tongue and need to find an alternate way to vent. What to do?
Do the hair-pulling or whatever it takes. Don't let this kind of stuff get to you - and especially don't let it give you a heart attack.
I agree completely. When men do say something that's hurtful, it's usually unintentional...they just said it thoughtlessly. Women, they put thought into it.
I think I agree...
Women "scheme." They can be way more evil.
Men just say you suck.
Something like that?
That's how I always thought of it...until I realized how woman-like men can be...I work with men and only men every day of my life...I've learned a bit...not that it's good. I think it's only confused me. In general, I still agree with you. I just wish women could just support women instead of competing with them.
Uhm, I could make a suggestion.
I know I've said my share of mean things, but not usually intentionally. I just have a hard time judging what someone is going to find offensive. I don't read people well sometimes. On the other hand, if someone says something mean to you and you internalize it? You are _still_ giving them power. You may as well just pull the hair. Either way, it leads to some possibly unforeseen consequence for you.
In high school I simply wounded the person that had something disrespectful to say to or about me and got sent home. The response from my mother was, "You can't go through life punishing people for being mean to you." My response to her was, "So I should go through life punishing myself? No thank you. I would rather be feared or respected than wonder if whatever was said about or to me is true."
I was a strange kid. That's probably why I'm a strange adult. =-/
What is it about us girls? I swear we come from the womb snarky.
You're exactly right. Women are horrid to each other. Why we do that I do not know.
GNDTX
ian: yeah, well in the Bible, we were convinced that a fish was a whale. Guess it makes up for it.
larry: I guess I forgot that technology really makes spreading rumors easy.
trapped: and your wife appreciates it, I am sure.
rwa: it was sort of a joke.
kathi: I actually gravitate to male friends because of this.
VX: I think men are changing too. Not all men, but I know what you mean.
boxer: yes?
kat: nice way of putting it.
GND: thanks, sweetie.
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