Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Ranting on Phrases

There are certain phrases I just don't believe.

Please listen to the following options as our menu has recently changed.
For instance, if I call an 800 number and here the recording start, "Please listen to the following options as our menu has recently changed," I think one of two things: (1) your options have not changed in 9 months, liar, or (2) do you change options frequently to confuse the hell out of your customers? Either way, I am annoyed.

I hate phone trees. I mean, I know they are suppose to cost the company less to maintain, but I always either punch zero or say "representative." I want to talk to a real person when I call. If I want to know my account balance, I use the web. Easier, faster and I am done. I use the phone when I want to speak to humans. Funny thing, I know, but that's the way this lady is. When computers were more new, I called the bank for the automatic menus that would give my account balance, or recent deposits/withdrawals. Now I can get so much more online, and it is easier and faster than using a phone.

Airline Instructions
I hate listening to the beginning of airline instructions. I don't mind flight attendants drone on about using my seat as a flotation devise, but I hate when they tell us all to listen to the important safety message because in my heart of hearts, I know I don't want to listen that closely. The first time I flew, I listened as if they would give a test at the end of their announcement. The second time, same thing. Now I have heard this so much that I just want them to say it and me to half-listen to it. I have it – I know how to save children who don't have oxygen because we have lost cabin pressure. I know how to buckle my seat buckle, and I am tickled pink when I have to adjust my seat buckle to snugly fit me into my seat. I know that I should not smoke or disable smoke detectors in the lavatories.

How are you?
I used to love saying "How are you?" But I don't like people saying it who don't really give a darned. I mean, try saying, "They foreclosed on my house yesterday, my cat has feline leukemia virus, and I have an irritating vaginal itch." And see if they even skip a beat, or simply say, "Good. Me, too."

Various Medical Situations
People tell me about their medical situations, and I really don't care. I mean, I want people to be well, but if you mention something about your health, I find it that I start displaying the same symptoms. I mean, I have enough trouble touching doorknobs and breathing air during flu season. Don't make my life even harder.

Funny thing is that my family never says anything about their health. I will ask my husband, "You are leaving a trail of blood in the kitchen. When did you cut your hand?" His reply, "Oh." Not, "thanks for noticing," or "Oh, crap, I am bleading," or "I cut my hand on a knife in the kitchen". I love him and don't hear anything about his health. My sibs? Not a word. My brother had an operation, and I found out months later. He just did not want to worry me. Strangers want me to worry, family not so much.

Me, I just want some airline peanuts. I just don't want to hear the safety briefing first.


~Deb said...

When I used to work for a phone company, the reason for the prompt telling you that the options have changed, is to make you LISTEN, instead of punching zero for the lazy receptionist. ;)

The worst is, when you say, "How are ya?" People will respond with, "Hi, how are ya?"

It's idiotic if you think about it!

Prata said...

I have actually _said_ this to someone, with regards to cutting my hand. I cut my hand in kenjutsu practice on a live blade.

Hirose: "OMG Alex chan you're bleeding!"
Me: "yeah."
Hirose: "I must fix you!"
Me: "I'm not broken."
Hirose: "Aiya! Give me your hand!"
Me: "I can still grip the katana..it's okay."

I never go to the doctor..did I ever tell you that? lol

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but you no longer get the damn peanuts thanks to the allergies of .0005% of the population. And, having just flown transatlantic I hear you about the safety messages. On British Airways they show a safety video with cartoon characters. Yet, when crisis strikes these characters still have their banal smiles. Sorry, but in such a crisis I think these people would be busy soiling their undies rather than smiling.
I so empathize with this blog, dear Leesa.


KYCM said...

Noting how I have been lucky enough to do a little plane travel lately, I can so relate. I understand it's a safety need, but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... I hate it. And what happened to the days of attractive (i.e. You Leesa) people who for attendants. Two legs for flights last night. Six attendants consisting of one man and 5 ladies. 6 basically homely people and 2 of them very rude. Bah humbug to NW Airlines. Thank You for letting my rant coinside with your fine bloggage of today!!


Tony said...

Ah for the days when sterwardesses wore make-up, heels and miniskirts (white cottons optional) ;)

GW Mush said...

Yea, I liked the old days when flight attendants would have sex with you on red eye flights. Now everything is so politically erect and stuff.

Leesa said...

~deb: yeah, but still annoying to hear those words.

prata: that does not surprise me one bit.

ian: I wonder what real 5 minute teaching would help in a crisis.

kycm: I think some of the male flight attendents are rather tasty. Gay as a three-dollar bill, but I am only looking anyway.

tony: Some of the "stewardesses" are still attractive. 40-year-olds that must have been quite the rage 15 years ago.

gw: I never knew that occured. So "Coffee Tea or Me" was an accurate depiction?