Forced Promotion

Okay, you know I am fairly guarded about my personal life. Well, sort of. I mean, I have talked about my infidelity and my love for sappy movies, but you know, that hardly singles me out in Savannah.

I have been very vague about where I work, choosing to say I am an admin assistant. Well, that was true until a couple of months ago. Here is the conversation that allowed me to move up the corporate ladder. Mind you, I am still admin – meaning I just shuffle papers, adding little to the bottom line of the company. And no, I am not in government service. We have a few people around here that actually produce stuff of value.

Anyway, here is the conversation, more or less:

Boss asks me to his office, and I first think I did something wrong. Perhaps he found out about my blogging.

Boss: I have been really impressed with the quality of your work.
What Boss was Thinking: I am so magnanimous. I am doing this Leesa chick a big favor. What does magnanimous mean? Does it mean I am cool? Crap, I wish I would have listened when I was taking Freshman English. Crap, I better start listening.

Leesa: Thank you.
What Leesa was Thinking: Does he really know what I do around here? Maybe he is a bigger idiot than I though he was.

Boss: We are restructuring, and we have created a new position I think would be perfect for you.
What Boss was Thinking: Leesa has really nice boobs. I wonder if they are real. I bet she had a boob job. Crap, I better start listening again. Boobies.

Leesa: While I am flattered, I am not really interested.
What Leesa was Thinking: Lots more work for a little more pay. No thank you.

Boss: I am so happy to hear that you will accept this position.
What Boss was Thinking: She does not look pleased at this opportunity. Well, her bobbies are nice. Yeah, nice.

Leesa: Sir, I don't want the promotion. I am happy right where I am.
What Leesa was Thinking: What the fuck? Was he just looking at my breasts? He is so clueless.

Boss: Sorry. You don't want to move up in this company? I don't quite understand. We will pay you for the extra work.
What Boss was Thinking: Crapola. I need to get my mind in the game. What is this bitch's problem? Yeah, she has nice boobies, but she doesn't want to advance. Why the hell not?

Leesa: Sir, I am extremely happy with what I currently do. I am comfortable with my job, and as you have said, I do it well.
What Leesa was Thinking: Try to back me out of this corner, bitch. Slam dunk. Should I have referred to him as bitch? Looks like I will need extra time in the confessional.

Boss: Perhaps you don't understand. We are eliminating your current job, and I am offering you a different job that takes some of your current responsibilities and adds to them.
What Boss was Thinking: I am impressed with my own words. That was fuckin' awesome.

Leesa: Oh, I understand. In that case, I accept your offer.
What Leesa was Thinking: I hate looking for work. I hate looking for work. I hate looking for work.

So I got my pain-in-the-ass promotion. Yeah, it means more money and I don't clock in and out, but I have to actually do work sometimes. I have to go to meetings, I wear a lot more skirts. Hell, I even wear perfume. What the hell have I gotten myself into?