"Why do you wake up each day?"
That was a question that someone asked on YouTube yesterday. I did not see the original video, but I did see Hill88's response.
Okay, she gets silly at the end, but I really think this is something I am going through. I have been thinking about how I spend my time and I wonder to myself, "Am I contributing to my community in any meaningful way?"
When I was first married, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted a family (read: I wanted children); I wanted to be called doctor, not medical doctor, but some PhD doctor; I wanted to live in an old house in downtown Savannah; I wanted to be part of a larger family, with lots of nieces/nephews, my kids, my parents and aunts and uncles all living nearby.
Well, looks like I will not have that large family, not even a child. This is something that saddens me greatly. And because of the current state of my marriage, I am not sure adoption is possible at this time (we are working stuff out, so introducing a child into our marriage would be a bad IDEA). I love kids so much and would not want a child to be part of a family in trouble.
Well, it looks like I will never be called doctor. Okay, hubbie calls me doctor when I explore his bod, but that's not really what I was talking about. I wanted to have respect, and I thought having some piece of paper would help towards that end. Now I know this is a false assumption, but I love learning, I love research, and I love smart people.
Well, it looks like my address will not change to a street name in old Savannah. Those houses look small from the outside, but they are spacious on the inside. I have been in a couple of the houses, and they are definitely beautiful. The cost of said houses? I am not sure, but they are out of my price range, I know that much. To be so close to all of the action of downtown and to be able to walk to places. I think that would be lovely.
Well, to be part of a family where we all live in the same area. Looks like that will not happen as well. My brother and sister are not in Savannah, and they will probably not move here in the future. Funny thing is that it seems to be driven with economics. They followed their jobs to other cities, and not the same city. And I know there are better economic opportunities in say, Atlanta, but I really don't want to live there. The traffic is horrible, and the parts of Atlanta I have seen are not so nice. Plus, it is so big that the commute to and from work would be undesirable.
I do have blessings in my life, but today, I guess I am seeing what I don't have that I wanted. Not in a very spiritual place, but you know, we can't all be chipper all of the time. Thanks, YouTube for the buzz-kill.
The original video can be found below (I found it after I wrote this):
There have been over 200 video responses to the video. Wow. Looks like I will waste some time this morning. And I don't even know what "Peace Out" or whatever people say comes from.