Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Uncomfortable Meetings

The other day I was getting lunch on Broughton Street – it was the week of Thanksgiving, so things were a little dead, actually. I don't eat on Broughton Street much anymore. Too long of a walk, actually. I used to work close enough to casually walk down here and eat something.

Well, Friday I was ordering and someone said "Hi, Leesa." And no, he did not grab my ass. I looked up, and I saw a "friend" with his wife. I keep saying that I screwed practically all married men in Savannah, and although that is a gross overstatement, it sometimes feels that way. But even though I feel that way, I rarely run into people that I have slept with. Part of it is me switching jobs. Well, that's most of it.

Anyway, I ran into someone . . . with his wife, of all people.

So we start our pleasantries. The conversation, with name changes, went something like this:

Ex-Married Guy Friend: Hi, Leesa.

What Ex-Married Guy Friend Meant: Hi, Leesa. Remember me? We fucked.

Leesa: Hey George. I have not seen you in forever. How are you?

What Leesa Meant: Oh my God, I don't want to see you here now. Do I have to order a salad now? I am really hungry. Do I have to sit with you and wifey? Can someone just come in and kidnap me?

Ex-Married Guy Friend: I am great. This is Lara, my wife. Do you remember me telling you about her?

What Ex-Married Guy Friend Meant: Don't tell Lara that we fucked, okay? Please let me get away with this.

Leesa: Hi, Lara. Nice to meet you. As I recall, you are a real estate agent.

What Leesa Meant: Good. Your ass is bigger than mine.

Ex-Married Guy Friend: So, you still work at the Girl Scouts?

What Ex-Married Guy Friend Meant: I lost touch with you. Do you still want to fuck in the afternoons?

Leesa: No, I have not worked there in ages. I am with [insert name of company; for the reader's sake, make it a kick-ass company].

What Leesa Meant: No, Lara, I have not fucked your hubbie in ages.

We went on, in this polite, tiptoe through the manure conversation for several grueling minutes.

Monday, Ex-Married Guy Friend called me and asked me out for "lunch." When I said it wasn't going to happen, he proffered "how about a BJ?"

Two things come to mind: (1) Why don't guys think BJs are sex? (2) Why the hell did he call me?

Although I can't answer the first question, I do know the second. I was so nervous when I was talking with Ex-Married Guy Friend; I know I was twirling my hair into ringlets. It is a nervous habit, but some guys think it is some "come hither" move, so Ex-Married Guy Friend got mixed messages.

And I keep calling him Ex-Married Guy Friend. I am not implying that he is no longer married. Just that he is no longer one of my "friends." And why do I call former lovers friends? They really were not friends, most of them at least.

Next time I see Ex-Married Guy Friend, should I ask him why he thinks BJs are not sex in front of wifey?

19 comments:

Joe said...

Too funny. I wonder what his wife was thinking during the conversation. Do you think she has a blog and, if so, that she wrote about this from her perspective?

btw - I don't think all guys think that way but it'll be interesting to see what others say

LarryLilly said...

Why not tell him yes, i will give you a BJ, as long as your wife comes along, and after you come in my mouth, she and I will exchange it in a deep kiss. Thay way you wont be really cheating her, since she will get what you gave to me.

(turn evil laugh on)

LarryLilly said...

sort of like one of your stories IIRC

KnowOne said...

i wonder that too....BJ is a type of sex....but men have their own agendas.

Leesa said...

joe: you know, I sometimes wonder if she knows.

larry: seems like this is your dream, larry, not mine.

knowone: exactly.

LarryLilly said...

As of Monday December 11, about 8AM, I wont have a prostate, so I wont be able to make jiggle juice. Damn, at 29 I had a vascectomy, so I couldnt shoot live ammo, now I am having my juicer removed. O's for me they say will be just shakes and giggles. I could be a great lunch time fav for some woman wanting to give a BJ, a bad case of oral fixation so to speak, she in her office garb, without having to worry about some jizz getting on it LOL.

Thats what Bill should have donew with Monica, no evidence, LOL

Sue said...

I have an ex-friend that does this to me all the time -- burns my butt big time. On the other hand, I love running into ex that looks like completely total crap and whose wife also looks like completely total crap and say "yeah, ending that one was a GREAT move" :)

Prata said...

You know, I find it humorous that people think that all guys believe blow jobs aren't sex. Girls in high school give head more than they sleep around now (at least when I was going and I'm only 26) is because _they_ view head as a means to get a guy off without having sex and guys go down more because they can get the girl off without havin' to worry about some silly bitch getting pregnant.

It's not that guys necessarily believe this, but this particular generation (my generation and those after me) really think that blow jobs are an easy non-commital way to cum without worry about the nastiest side effect that goes through a high schooler's mind...pregnancy. Not to mention since there is no penetration, girls that otherwise would refuse any sort of sexual contact because they want to be virgins when they get married (I did in fact go to a catholic school and know/knew girls like this) oral sex is not technically sex for them..since there's no penetration and all that jazz.

LarryLilly said...

Prata, I am a flower hippie aged generation person, and men wanted vaginal sex, and only when really wasted, anal. Men didnt really think of oral sex then, pre aids, pre std. Oral was when you couldnt do other sex, or you were going to be shacked up for a weekend.

Yes, my daughter, who now would have been 30, was like you. After her death we found out to what degree she was having sex, and it was oral all the way, for the same reasons you stated.

Prata said...

I'm with you! I'm all for vaginal sex...anal isn't out of the question if it's on the table (wow that sounds like a bad pun).

Oral is of course great..I mean..I'm all for it. I really enjoy oral..(giving actually more than receiving but that's besides the point?? lol) but when I was in high school I was more for oral than anything basically because of that entire pregnancy issue. I had one scare like that..I didn't need another (scare) at 15 or 16.

kathi said...

Chances are she knew, chances are you weren't the first 'friend' of her hubby's she'd ran into with him.
I've so been where you've been and I get it. Gotta feel sorry for the wife. You've changed, apparently he hasn't.

I don't get how a bj isn't sex either, but so much of the younger generation doesn't see it as sex, and it's no big deal to them...but hey, just cause you can't get pregnant from it doesn't mean you can't get other life altering things, like diseases, from it.

QUASAR9 said...

lol!
This is better than erotica

QUASAR9 said...

I know I was twirling my hair into ringlets. It is a nervous habit, but some guys think it is some "come hither" move

I'll bear that in mind when we meet
So, wanna do lunch or BJ? - lol!

Bruce said...

I'm one of those men who knows a bj is sex(amazing, huh?). I'm also very glad that the "attached" women I was involved with in the past live out of town. There's zero chance of us running into each other.

Anonymous said...

Loved your story. Better yet, ask him if he wants the BJ...in front of the wife. She might like to know what moron is out doing.

Advizor said...

I've always thought that anything that ends in orgasm is sex, be in phone, finger, oral, or otherwise

Leesa said...

larry: sorry about the prostate. I never really knew the reason for the prostate before your comment. Wishing you well!

sue: I would hate that!

prata: you are a complex soul!

kathi: I actually feel sorry for her.

quasar: I like it better than erotica as well.

bruce: sometimes my broad strokes are inaccurate.

casually me: thanks, sweetie.

advizor: and if it does not end in orgasm? Even if naughty parts are involved?

Anonymous said...

Since he brought the topic up, yes I would ask him. Also ask if his sexual ethics were learned from the maestro himself, Slick Willy

What a jerk

GW Mush said...

Leesa
would you leave your husband for me? Let me know today.