Wanna' Watch Some Football?

This Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday. Growing up, I remember that this big event came in January. But because of bye weeks or commercial deals or whatever, now the Super Bowl is in February, almost snuggling up next to Valentine's Day. Definitely something guy-inspired.

Because of the Super Bowl, I feel compelled to write about football.

When I was in high school, I remember going to pep rallies and games. But my most memorable football memory was of someone in class (not a friend, but an acquaintance) named Derek.

Derek was a sophomore in my English class. He was a tight end, and during the season (he played JV – junior varsity at the time), he broke his middle finger while catching a football in a game. I did not see the game, but his injury was the talk of the classroom on Friday. Okay, I did not really follow JV at the time – I would have thought the game was on a Friday night, but it was Thursday night when he broke his finger.

He had the finger in some sort of cast/splint, and it looked like he was giving the finger to the world. His middle finger had been broken. Broken bones are serious and all but this was funny on several accounts:

1. It was his middle finger. Feel free to do a high school giggle here.
2. He was a tight end. What a name of a position for a football player. Another giggle goes here.
3. Apparently, he was not given many opportunities to catch a ball, so breaking a finger during a rather rare catch opportunity was funny to some. I did not get it at the time, still don't, but that's okay. Did I mention it was the middle finger?
4. The guy was shy and unassuming, and this gave him a bit of notoriety. That made me laugh.

Having a broken middle finger is a bit funny, but you know, apparently receivers can't play very well with broken bones in their hands. The injury took a while to heal, so they moved him to defense, where his end was not longer described as tight. He now was something called a safety. Where receivers need soft hands to catch the ball, safeties need to anticipate where receivers are going and knock the hell out of them when the ball reaches them. Having been a receiver, this gave him a bit of an advantage.

Well, after his finger healed, he continued to play on defense, and not only did he play on the varsity squad for two years and receive a letter in football, but he also got a scholarship to a good school, received all-conference honors and even went to a professional training camp as an undrafted player.

After college, he became a salesman and eventually bought a franchise and is doing really well for himself. Most credit his post college success to his football career (apparently leadership skills are taught, not just how to hit the crap out of your opponent).

So breaking his middle finger sort of made him go in a slightly different direction. He may have been a so-so tight end (okay, he may have had a nice butt; I can't really remember), but he was a really good defensive player.

While I am watching the commercials at the Super Bowl, I will be thinking about how certain insignificant events perhaps have changed lives. Coca-Cola is probably going to piss me of with their "Mean Troy" Polamalu add. Guess he has not broken the middle finger.

Shutting Down Gitmo

I saw that President Obama did a couple of things regarding the War on Terrorism last week, the most publicized being to shut down Gitmo. Oh, and I think it is cool that you can see all Executive Orders here.

Now, I sort of find it interesting that I really think they ought to shut down Gitmo. I have no basis for making that judgment. I have never worked for the military, in the military, have never read any military books, and I don't even really like military movies. So I am as qualified to be Commander-in-Chief as Clinton.

I guess fear is at the heart of my desire. I know that there are places that our government can put anyone and they may never be heard from again – no trial, no public information. Just a scary place off of US soil. I guess just because it is not US soil, to me, doesn't mean that we should follow different rules.

So like several of my more left-wing friends, I applaud the President for the Executive Order. It seems to be a little more substantive than including salsa as a vegetable for student lunches (Clinton did this; Reagan, as I recall, listed catsup in the same grouping – it has something to do with Federal funding of school lunch programs). I don't know. With the salsa Executive Order, at least I could understand part of it and "I could sink my teeth into that issue." Oh, maybe not. Guess I will try and find some hottie to grace this post. That way, the guys can get something useful out of this blog entry.

Madonna: In the News

When I was in high school, I can remember seeing a Playboy with Madonna in it. Apparently, Madonna posed for Playboy before her singing career took off. At least, that's what I remembered at the time.

I was in my car coming home the other day, and between all of the pre- inauguration stuff, there was a few minutes spend on story about a photo session between Madonna and Lee Friedlander. Apparently, a nude photograph of Madonna taken during the 1979 modeling session is set to be auctioned on February 12 at Christie's auctioneers in New York. The photo appeared in Playboy magazine, with Fox News reporting that the singer may have been paid as little as $25 for the session.

Anyway, as the radio talked about auctioning off the photo, I thought about the first time I saw Madonna's nudes in Playboy. Now, I don't remember much about the photos. The first thing I recall is that Madonna had . . . unappealing feet. I googled to find an image of the feet, and could not. There were a couple of photos that had her feet clipped from the photo – not sure if that was purposeful or not. And the other thing is that she did not shave her armpits.

I saw the picture with a bunch of girlfriends after school. Her father subscribed to Playboy for the articles, I am sure. We were more interested in seeing Madonna without her clothes on. I think it was about the time that she was in a movie, Desperately Seeking Susan. She had several hit albums/singles by then, and she had 12-year-olds dressing like hookers. Madonna was bigger than life.

Anyway, we went over to my friend's house, we made sure her brother was out of the house, we went into her father's room, and locked the door. We then went into the bathroom, where the Playboy was, under a box of tissue paper, as I recall. We huddled around the toilet, looking at Madonna, and my first thought was, "She is not all that sexy or glamorous in these pictures." I think that was probably thought by others, because we eventually looked at the centerfold. Well, at the time, I thought the centerfold was so much more exotic than Madonna, but I could not remember – really remember – what the centerfold looked like. A friend suggested a site to find her (definitely not workplace safe). Anyway, I looked at the playmate, and she was not nearly as exotic as I had remembered.



Anyway, for whatever it is worth, I have always admired Madonna. She was nearly 50 when the video below was taken, and she looks great. For me, I look to Madonna and see a former Catholic girl who has learned how to display her sexuality and is so business savvy. Still, she has ugly feet (IMHO). But a fellow blogger disagrees. Of course, there are all sorts of fetishes out there.

Leesa's Mailbag: Issue 6

Dear Leesa,

I got this email from a friend. Is it real?

Always check your child's homework. The child drew this picture, and the mother responded with a note which was sent to school the next school day with 1st grader.

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it.Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Sign Me,
Wanna Be Stripper in Hannibal

Leesa's Answer: Ha ha ha. I doubt it is real.


Dear Leesa,

What is the HTML code in order to get the Quick Links on the blog? I believe I have been emailing you, but no one has responded. Can you please help me? Thanks!!!

Leon

Leesa's Answer: Okay, this is going to be technical and boring, so most of you will want to end reading this post now unless you want to tweak your blog and are geek-ish. You can thank me for sending you to a different blog now: The Grantichrist

These directions are for the current version of blogger, not the classic version. Sorry, ~Deb. First, you will need to open up your blog in the Layout configuration. There are several tabs under Layout, and you will want Page Elements (this will probably be the defaulted view). Under Page Elements, you will see the page layout you currently have, and choose Add a Gadget. All of the different page elements are called gadgets.

This is where things get geeky. You will add the following type of page element: HTML/Javascript. You will give it a title, whatever your heart desires. You can even call it, "Leesa's White Cotton Panties" if you like, though I don't recommend this title.

Then you will add the content.

<script> <!-- function land(ref, target) { lowtarget=target.toLowerCase(); if (lowtarget=="_self") {window.location=loc;} else {if (lowtarget=="_top") {top.location=loc;} else {if (lowtarget=="_blank") {window.open(loc);} else {if (lowtarget=="_parent") {parent.location=loc;} else {parent.frames[target].location=loc;}; }}} } function jump(menu) { ref=menu.choice.options[menu.choice.selectedIndex].value; splitc=ref.lastIndexOf("*"); target=""; if (splitc!=-1) {loc=ref.substring(0,splitc); target=ref.substring(splitc+1,1000);} else {loc=ref; target="_self";}; if (ref != "") {land(loc,target);} } //--> </script> <b>Title of Dropdown Menu</b> <form action="dummy" method="post"><select style="color:#006699" name="choice" size="1"> <option value=""/>Choose a Link <option value="http://yourlink.html"/>Title of Link <option value="http://yourlink2.html"/>Title of Second Link</select> <input value="GO!" onclick="jump(this.form)" type="button"/></form>

I use the color #006699 in my code. That is the bluish color that you see as the color of the fonts in my drop-down menu. You can pick any of a bazillion colors. Here is one site that will give you some hexadecimal colors. You know how Sherwin Williams has a color pallet? HTML does as well, and there are all sorts of ways to choose colors.

And with the code, place your own links and titles into the "option" tags. You can create as many as your heart's desire. And you can copy the part from "Title of Dropdown Menu" to the Option Tags in order to have several different drop downs.

Very tech-y, I know. But every once in a while, I get asked this question. Now I can point people to the response.

Write Me
Please contribute to the questions asked on "Leesa's Mailbag." Over the last few years, people have emailed me with questions, and I have answered them on an individual basis. Now, I think I will answer them on a blog entry. I will do it on Fridays when I have enough questions to cobble together a post. Sort of an Ann Landers with attitude. Just write to the following email address:

Also, let me know if you want to be acknowledged or anonymous. Makes no difference to me. For those who use the comments section to ask a question, I will assume those are public posts.

National Hugging Day

Today is National Hugging Day. When Grant stopped blogging for a while, I would occasionally get notes from him, letting me know about strange holidays. Certainly not National Hugging Day. More likely, Take a Nunchuck to Work Day. Okay, I made that up. Perhaps I will register takeanunchucktoworkday.com. Perhaps not.

On the National Hugging Day website, the Most Huggable People in 2009 are:

President Barack Obama and Family, Washington, DC The Obama family has been seen hugging one another freely and openly throughout the campaign making the most huggable "First Family."

Robby Jackson, Flagstaff, AZ At 8 years old, he decided it was important to adopt a "Robby's National Hug Day" at his school. All of his classroom peers and teachers received a hug celebrating "Robby's National Hug Day." It went so well that the kids hugged the next day. He hugged his family and friends. He did this all on his own! His family researched National Hug Day on the computer and realized that we already do have a "National Hug Day. His mother added, "Great news for us!"

Edna Hazlett, Fredericktown, PA According to a fellow church member, Edna always jumps up from her pew and throws out her arms with a big smile on her face. "All your troubles seem to float away with her arms around you."

Andrea Mumford, Baton Rouge, LA According to her coworkers, "she is always smiling and laughing, [and] she can't keep her arms off of people because she loves to hug everyone!"

When I think of hugging, I can't help but remember something a co-worker once told me. She recalled an event where she and her husband were caught in the act by her daughter. Days later, the woman was in the kitchen, and her daughter was playing with friends. Said daughter told her friends "Daddy was hugging Mommy with his penis yesterday." The co-worker was mortified.

On the bright side, I suppose, at least the daughter did not say that the Daddy was hugging the babysitter.

Anyway, now every time I hear something about hugging, I think about my co-worker and her husband, caught by their daughter.

I never caught my parents – thank goodness – but most people who have talked about their parents and sex seem to have caught them at least once. Now I am not sure if it is because the people who talk have caught their parents, but I always pipe up and say that I suspect my parents never had sex. Or, perhaps, my parents were much more discrete than other parents (thanks Mom and Dad!). Being a Southerner, discretion is so important.

February 8 is Grammy night. I think that night should be I Kissed a Girl Night in honor of Katy Perry. Me, I will be wearing cherry ChapStick.

Scatterbrained

Sorry, but I have been a little scatterbrained lately. I just cannot concentrate on one thing for too many seconds.

The United States of Tara
Dr. Deb wrote a post last week about "The United States of Tara". The main character is Tara, a woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder (what I learned as Multiple Personality Disorder). Now, I admit it, I don't completely understand Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

I will admit that I have not experienced DID myself – no one I know has suffered from the mental illness. The first episode seemed a little sweet for such a serious mental illness.

Bank of America
Looks like Bank of America just asked for $20 Billion in handouts. Guess they need some cash to give bonuses to their employees in the first quarter of the year. But seriously, it looks like the $800 Billion Congress allocated last year (with no strings attached, might I add) may end up being wasted money. I was listening to NPR last week, and someone on there suggested most of that money went to the Caiman Islands.

Caiman Islands
I wonder how the Caiman Islands got their name. I think there is some alligator-crocodile-type animal called a caiman. I know, if I wanted tourism for a deluxe island, I am not sure I would name it after something that could bite your foot off.

Phonics
Every time I hear the "Hooked on Phonics" ad on the radio, I wonder why they spell their name phonics, not fonics. It is not like the company has to use the normal spelling for their product. I just don't understand.

Blog Suggestion
I was thinking of doing a blog on George W Bush. He was in office for eight years, and I suspect there will be some who want to remember his presidency. Problem with me is that I tune out everything I hear concerning Mr. Bush.

News?
I normally don't listen to the news, but on Thursday evening, someone asked me something about the plane that went down in New York City. Holy cow, I had not heard of that.

Holy Cow
I have a t-shirt with a cow (complete with halo), and the title "Holy Cow."

Day Off
Well, I have the day off today, so I will be just going back to sleep. Have a great day!

Ninja Chick

Okay, some of you have been reading me for years, and through reading my drivel for years, you may think you have come to know me. And you have seen a side of me, to be sure. But if you pass me in the produce isle of your local supermarket, I doubt you would recognize me. If we chatted in the waiting room of the local clinic, you would not say, "She reminds me of Leesa."

I started this blog to work on my writing, but I also needed an outlet to write the crazy ass stuff that I have in my brain. And those who know me at work, don't get to see that stuff. In fact, my husband sees it infrequently as well. Maybe that is his loss; I don't know.

I don't envy people with multiple personalities (or now, dissociative identity disorder), but occasionally it would be really cool to take on another personality. Occasionally, I would want to be someone else. For instance, I would want to be ninja chick.

Now, I am not talking old school ninja. A few months ago, I was staying overnight in a hotel, and there was a show on cable. Discovery, History Channel type of show. It talked about the early ninjas. I think they were monks or something. And I am not angling at being a clergy person with a bad 'tude.

I want to be a ninja who doesn't take anything from anyone. Postman is too slow at the post office, and I bust some cool ninja move. Yeah, speed things up, and don't ask me if I want any stamps!

At the 15-items-or-less check-out line, putting a little fear in the middle-aged man who thinks his 25 items and his time is a bit more valuable than the woman behind him with two screaming children and the carton of milk and sugar cereal.

At the movie theater, I would do a little karate chop to the neck of the 6' 2" guy with the cowboy hat that he won't take off. Hi-yah! Take that from the ninja chick.

Pardon me, I have had a bit more caffeine than I normally do on a Friday. We ninja chicks sometimes roll that way.

Best Job in the World

I got this in my inbox today. The Telegraph article, in part, says this about the dream job:

Interest in the "dream job", which involves little more than relaxing on Hamilton Island while £69,000 ticks into your bank account, is so high that a website built specifically to advertise the position to global jobseekers crashed overnight.

More than 210 applications have been received for the job so far, and islandreefjob.com, run by Tourism Queensland, had more than 160,000 visitors in its first 24 hours. British visitors made up 34 per cent of the traffic.

A spokeswoman for Tourism Queensland said the site was back up and running now, although it was expected to "go a bit crazy" when the American audience wakes up to the offer of being paid to live in paradise.

The job will be advertised for another six weeks, and all applications will be considered on their merits, not how quickly they were submitted, she said.

Well, I tried logging onto the site yesterday, just to take a look around, and I could not see anything. Guess their servers were having a problem. Imagine living in paradise for 6 months and just blogging and vlogging about it for a few hours per day.

I don't know if it will help tourism, but the 100K salary just gave them more than $100K worth of worldwide advertising. Just my opinion.

Before you ask, I will not apply. I already have a dream job where I have few responsibilities, get a steady paycheck, and it looks like my job is fairly secure. Which is sad, considering what I do for the company. I mean, part of the reason I don't take long vacations is because if I did, they would figure out they really don't need me. Of course, that applies to about half of the employees, I suppose.

I am more interested in who they get for this spokesperson.

Here is my guess: the spokesperson will be female, in her late 20s, and look really good in a bikini. She will have completed college, have worked in the newsroom of a small television station, and have a heck of a sense of humor. She will also write really well, and have traveled a bit. She will be either Australian or British, and she probably will have competed in sports in high school.

That's my prediction. Now I will go off to my dream job and surf the web. And I can't believe that the high in a few days will be in the 20s. I am in the deep south, for gosh sake.

Coins

Yesterday, I stopped by a quickie mart, and purchased a Diet Dr. Pepper with some coins in my purse. I used a one dollar coin like the one in the picture to the left, two quarters and a few smaller coins. Exact change.

The woman at the quickie mart took a look at the dollar coin and said, "I am not sure we can take this coin." A co-worker looked at the coin and said that she could. If that co-worker was not there, I am fairly sure I would not have had my Diet Dr. Pepper.

I normally don't like receiving fifty cent pieces or dollar coins in my change, and I ditch them as quickly as possible. And now it seems that some people don't think dollar coins would be legal tender in the United States.

I know, you are saying to yourself, "Leesa, why do you care? This person is only an employee in the local quickie mart." And if you were thinking that, shame on you. You know, employees of the quickie mart have lots and lots of power. They can say, "We don't accept dollar coins." They can also say, "We will no longer be ordering" [Leesa shudders] "Diet Dr. Pepper."

Little things. Not accepting coins, soft summer rain, a warm down comforter and a good book. Little things make life such more enjoyable.
dollar coin.

Loosing Bloggers

I have been blogging for a few years now, and blogging has changed a bit. Blogging was fresh and new at one point. I think I started blogging right after it started. And I have seen a lot of bloggers come and go.

Latest one has been the Peanut Queen.

I remember Georgia Peach – she blew up her blog a few times. She had a kind heart, and really seemed to want to help girl bloggers – the ones that are confused and used. I loved that gal.

Then there was Ddot. He was a self-proclaimed king. I really liked Ddot as well. He eventually quit when his real life was too busy. He was writing professionally on the side, the last time I heard. He was interviewing some really big rap stars. Had I known more about rap, I would have been extremely impressed. Okay, I was impressed nonetheless. I googled the last interview I read, and he was very popular and was never indicted for any capital crimes. Sort of a win-win if you ask me.

Then there is Mal. She is on-again, off-again. She reminds me of some chemical engineer chick who can write. She wrote two posts in December, so I guess that makes her on-again.

There is Muse, who has vacillated between blogging and not blogging for a while. She blogs occasionally still. She as such a wonderful writing style. Absolutely riveting.

There is Lisa, the bored housewife. She still writes, again occasionally.

I sometimes wonder why I write. I know I can't write every day; I am just too busy for that. And sometimes when I look at my entries, I wonder why people read. This used to be an outlet for me. It can be again, I suppose.

Oh, and the image I am using used to be on PQ's blog. Internet Archives can be a beautiful thing.

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Looks like Florida are the national champs in NCAA Football. From what I saw of the game, perhaps it should have been Utah.

The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini

I tripped on this movie the other day, and it is so funny. It has the likes of Basil Rathbone, Benny Rubin, Nancy Sinatra (Frank and Nancy Sinatra's first child), and The Bobby Fuller Four.

Big Hollywood

On the radio, I heard about a new website: Big Hollywood. Andrew Breitbart is the man behind the site, who helped establish the Drudge Report and the Huffington Post. In other words, this is a conservative man's man crush. Breitbart wrote about it here.

I have not read about it, I have no knowledge about the website or the background, and I should not write about it. But I am going to anyway.

I have pictured an interview with Breitbart and a reporter; let's call this reporter Leesa (I am a narcissist at heart).

Leesa: Thank you for agreeing to talk with me. I am doing a short story for my blog.

Breitbart: I hope it is a conservative blog.

Leesa: Very conservative. I read from the press release that you are starting a website that talks about the film industry. So, how many upskirts of Britney Spears do you have so far?

Breitbart: Er, we don't do that. We are not some porn site.

Leesa: You can see those shots on Perez Hilton, Access Hollywood. Heck, even on the three networks, if it is a news event.

Breitbart: Did you actually read my recent article. This is a conservative take on Hollywood.

Leesa: So no gossip? No pics of actresses in hideous runway garments? No police blotters.

Breitbart: That is correct. I am going to target the conservatives who want Hollywood news.

Leesa: And you don't think they want to know who impregnated the Spears sister?

Breitbart: Of course not. Conservatives want good, wholesome movies.

Leesa: Like Momma Mia?

Breitbart: Momma Mia shows how a promiscuous woman fathers a child without a father. She is rewarded and ends happily ever after. Certainly if it was a conservative-minded movie, she would be held accountable for her actions. Perhaps her mother would fall off the island and get eaten by sharks.

Leesa: Which Abba song should they use when Meryl Streep gets horribly eaten?

Breitbart: That's not the point of my website. We want to appeal to conservatives, not re-write poorly written musicals.

Leesa: And you expect people to read what you are writing?

Breitbart: Certainly. Conservatives are picky about what they view for entertainment purposes.

Leesa: And this type of insight will be seen on your site? Er. I think I have a dental appointment.

Breitbart: Good oral hygiene is also consistent with the conservative viewpoint. Perhaps we can partner on a story on flossing in Hollywood. Have a compilation of flossing scenes that hit the big screen.

Leesa: I give your website three months. Good luck.

New Year's Resolution

Each year, I make a New Year's resolution. And each year, I follow through with the resolution for a few weeks. Perhaps a month.

And then I rationalize the resolution away.

This year, I am going to be a doubter. I have accepted so much over the years, that this year I am going to doubt almost everything.

The menu states that the entrée is Vegan, I am going to do some chemical assays, looking for meat proteins. If I read about a train wreck in the next town, I am going to call the news desk to confirm. If Anonymous says I am a dirty bird, I will sniff to ensure I don't have body odor. I will be a super-duper doubter.

When I read about an economic recovery, I am going to act like Missouri and say, "Show Me."

When a doctor places me on another medication, I am going to ask for the literature, showing double blind studies.

But then I wonder. I just wonder. If I ask my husband, "Do I look fat in this?" Do I really want to doubt him? When I see something that could be awe-inspiring, do I want to think of rational explanations which are less inspiring?

I will give it a month.

They Cancelled Eli Stone? Crap!

Last month, ABC announced the cancellation of three shows. Okay, I only really knew one of the shows – Eli Stone – but that was one of my favorite shows on television. ABC is not the most popular television station (I think that is CBS), so I don't get why they would cancel their shows. Oh, and point of fact, they did not cancel as they really did not re-order shows. It turns out to be the same thing, though.

ABC has canceled a bunch of shows. Let's see: Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, Lipstick Jungle, Crusoe and My Own Worst Enemy. The only one I really care about is Eli Stone. But still, it appears that other than CBS, most networks are cancelling everything. Maybe it is because I don't watch much television, but it seems weird to have this many shows

I mean, it is not like it is an episode of Room Raiders.

Now there is this other show I have found – Chuck. Chuck is about a computer brained geeky guy who sort of because of bad/dumb luck, becomes a quasi-spy. My taste always kills good television. Zachary Levi and Yvonne Strahovski – sorry, but I think you need to start updating your resumes.

Just a short rant. Thanks for listening.

Leesa's Mailbag: Issue 5

Dear Leesa,

I was wondering what you would suggest for someone looking to purchase an interesting gift this year that does not involve batteries?

Leesa's Answer: Perhaps you could order a photography book. Perhaps a book that focuses on Polaroid photography. With the economy and everyone thinking about how tight things are, perhaps a book that is shows the wonderful world of Polaroids. Maybe it will remind us of how things were in the late 1970s, the last time I remember when things seemed bleak.

Dear Leesa,

Why are you such a whore? Why do you write such slutty things?

Sign Me,
Puritan in Peoria

Leesa's Answer: At first, I was going to defend my writing, but that's not really objective. Then I remember reading a post by A Little Off Kilter that talked of a ratings site where you can see what your blog would rate. Sort of like the motion picture industry. Actually, I think the people (a dating site) who created it might have some copyright infringement, but I don't really want to go there. I ran my site through, and I got a rating of R. And the blog who recommended it got a worse rating (NC-17) than me. I mean, I write about oddly shaped cum stains. And I have a stalker who basically says I am some sort of sperm fiend.

I don't know why I write such slutty things. But according to the site, they are not as slutty as they could be.

Dear Leesa,

What was the most interesting thing you thought today?

Sincerely,
A Friend

Leesa's Answer: Well, today is not over, and I hope I think of more interesting things, but it occured to me that it is a pity that no one really famous died on the day I was born. I was looking at a quiz here that tells you who died on your birthday. I mean, Austrian writers and Ugandian bicyclists are mentioned, so I think the list is fairly complete. No deaths of importance on my birthday. Pity. I guess.

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Follow My Blog
Google/Blogger has a relatively new widget for following other bloggers. They wrote about it in August, actually, but I am sure many of us don't read "The Official Blogger Buzz." Whether you think of the follower widget as a way to stalk people, show your support to other bloggers or just a way to be part of a croud, please add me as one of the blogs you follow. It might not make you feel better, but it will make me feel better.

Write Me
Please contribute to the questions asked on "Leesa's Mailbag." Over the last few years, people have emailed me with questions, and I have answered them on an individual basis. Now, I think I will answer them on a blog entry. I will do it on Fridays when I have enough questions to cobble together a post. Sort of an Ann Landers with attitude. Just write to the following email address:

Also, let me know if you want to be acknowledged or anonymous. Makes no difference to me. For those who use the comments section to ask a question, I will assume those are public posts.

Amy's Secret

The blue of the television set bathed the hotel room walls.

If anyone were to peer inside to see what was on the screen, one would see three well-hung men slowly stroking their cocks. The men were standing around, apparently in some porn plot where they were racing to see who could cum first. The men were laughing, stroking, and then if you gazed at the bed, you would have seen a young production manager fingering herself, amazed at the beefy men in the video.

Twenty minutes later, after each of the men messily and she came gloriously, she finished getting ready for her date. She picked up her cell phone on the way out the door, but it started ringing right before she began to dial. It was her boss.

"Hi, Love," she answered the phone, "How are you this evening?"

"No, she answers, "I am on my way out actually."

She debates whether to stay in her hotel room or go down the hall to the elevator. She knew the conversation might get a tad spicy. She is late for her date, and decides to go out. Busy girl, I know, but this is Amy's life.

The hall is empty, but if people were in the hall, they would hear Amy talking about servicing her boss in his office.

"Oh, yes, I would sit down on your desk, parting my legs, showing you my forbidden pussy. I would ask you if my pussy is the prettiest pussy you have seen."

Amy entered the elevator and continued talking, "Tell me again, I have a prettier pussy than your wife."

Amy looked up and notice she was sharing the elevator with someone else.

She cupped the cell phone with her right hand and said, "Sorry."

The man chucked and said, "Guess I am missing out. If you like, I could tell you how it compares to those I have seen."

Amy whispered that she needed to go, laughed after hanging up and turned beet red.

"Sorry, just a game I am playing with a friend."

They both exit the elevator on the first floor, and Amy heads to the entrance of the hotel to catch a taxi. She was going to get a drink at the bar before leaving, but she did not want to be followed by the elevator friend. She did not have time for him, and she figured she would just be fighting off his advances. He was handsome, but not her type.

The next couple of hours were filled with forgettable experiences. She had met her lover and had dinner together. Through dinner and drinks, she was remembering the porno, thinking about the men, picturing their semen. She was also remembering her boss, the sex chat on the phone, and also remembering his male member. She would not allow him to enter her pussy, but that did not stop her from giving him blowjobs at work. She laughed when she remembered one of her father's suggestions: "Get paid for what you love." Well, she loved everything to do with blowjobs. Good advice, Dad.

Amy slowly came back into the present, started noticing her lover, wondering where they would next have sex. She wanted sex immediately, but because of her partner's OCD, she knew that she could never get her lover to agree to a bathroom fuck.

Between bites of manicotti, Amy gazed into her lover's dark brown eyes, and said, "You are the only woman for me."

What she did not say that evening was that there was room in her life, in her pants and in her bed for many, many cocks. But as long as the cocks did not invade her womanhood, she considered herself 100% lesbian. Oh, and 100% faithful.

Christmas Perspective

Picture this. A 12-year-old girl in a floral flannel nightdress. She is listening to a record player – a Christmas album – as she gazes dreamily at the family Christmas tree.

Then the song comes on the radio – "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". And I really listened to the words, words that disturbed me because of my belief in Santa Claus. In today's terms, I was really bothered with Santa hooking up with my mother, a mother who I was not sure was sexually active. I have heard many people disclose that they caught their parents "in the act." I never did. Thanks goodness, I might add. They kissed and hugged; that was the extent to what I was exposed to.

And at the time, I was more concerned that a saintly figure would be forcing himself on my mother. Santa was a trusted figure when I was a child. But through a child's eyes, so was the president. Of course, the president to me was very close to the no-name president in "Frosty the Snowman." Someone who wore a suit and we through confetti at. Actually, that sounds a little like Obama.

I digress.

I still believe in Santa Claus. Those who don't believe miss the magic in Christmas. But now the song seems more endearing. So a song I once hated I see in a different light.

Perhaps we would lead richer lives if we looked at our world view from another's perspective. Just a suggestion this holiday season.

"The 12 Days of Christmas" Debunked

As a Catholic girl, I have heard the following explanation of the origins of "The 12 Days of Christmas". There are other origins also, none of which can be proven; I like to believe this one as it places Catholics in a positive light, but it is really not based in reality at all.

I get an email from a fellow Catholic (and a different one at that) probably two or three times over Christmas. But after reading what Snopes has to say on the subject, it seems a bit more like those Arab friends needing to get money out of the country.

"The Twelve Days of Christmas" was written in England as one of the "catechism songs" to help young Catholics learn the basics of their faith. In short, it was a coded-message, a memory aid. Since the song sounded like rhyming nonsense, young Catholics could sing the song without fear of imprisonment. The authorities would not know that it was a religious song.

"The 12 Days of Christmas" is in a sense an allegory. Each of the items in the song represents something significant to the teachings of the Catholic faith. The hidden meaning of each gift was designed to help Catholic children learn their faith. The better acquainted one is with the Bible, the more these interpretations have significance.

The song goes, "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…"

The "true love" mentioned in the song doesn’t refer to an earthly suitor, but it refers to God Himself. The "me" who receives the presents refers to every baptized person. i.e. the Church.

1st Day: The partridge in a pear tree is Christ Jesus upon the Cross. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge because she would feign injury to decoy a predator away from her nestlings. She was even willing to die for them. The tree is the symbol of the fall of the human race through the sin of Adam and Eve. It is also the symbol of its redemption by Jesus Christ on the tree of the Cross.
2nd Day: The "two turtle doves" refers to the Old and New Testaments.
3rd Day: The "three French hens" stand for faith, hope and love—the three gifts of the Spirit that abide (1 Corinthians 13).
4th Day: The "four calling birds" refers to the four evangelists who wrote the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke and John—which sing the song of salvation through Jesus Christ.
5th Day: The "five golden rings" represents the first five books of the Bible, also called the Jewish Torah: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.
6th Day: The "six geese a-laying" is the six days of creation.
7th Day: The "seven swans a-swimming" refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord.
8th Day: The "eight maids a milking " reminded children of the eight beatitudes listed in the Sermon on the Mount.
9th Day: The "nine ladies dancing" were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
10th Day: The "ten lords a-leaping" represents the Ten Commandments
11th Day: The "eleven pipers piping" refers to the eleven faithful apostles.
12th Day: The ‘twelve drummers drumming" were the twelve points of belief expressed in the Apostles’ Creed: belief in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, that Jesus Christ was born of the Virgin Mary, made man, crucified, died and arose on the third day, that he sits at the right hand of the father and will come again, the resurrection of the dead and life everlasting.

So the next time you hear "the Twelve Days of Christmas" consider how this otherwise non-religious sounding song had its origins in keeping alive the teaching of the Catholic faith.

Tuning In

I woke up this morning and wanted to just tune out of everything digital, everything that some may consider noise (music in the background that you are not appreciating). And this little blog is noise as well. But today being Monday, I had a freakin' blog to write.

Well, my mind will be baking in the sun of some far-off island, no ear buds in my ears, just daydreaming about whatever.

Things about Christmas make me want to abandon my normal routine. I want to just bail out of work – but I really can't do it. Wouldn't feel responsible, me ditching work for an – cough – imaginary cold.

Well – cough, cough – I am going to take the day off. Sorry, I have an imaginary cold.

Leesa's Mailbag: Issue 3

Dear Leesa,

For purely experimental reasons, I was wondering if you could point me in the directions of efficient bomb-making from household items.

Anonymous
User at IP Address 213.223.67.45

Leesa's Answer: I am unable to adequately answer your question. I forwarded your request to Georgia Department of Homeland Security, PO Box 18055, Building 2, Atlanta, GA 30316-0055 days ago. I hope you still have Internet access so you can read my response.

Dear Leesa,

I have tagged you and others for "blogs I read" so I can stalk some peeps myself, however I am not able to get that little widget where their pictures show up because I have not switched to the layout version nor plan to because I don't care much for the format. It makes my blog look weird... Any tips that you can give to switch and have my blog look exactly the same?

~Deb

Leesa's Answer: Okay, I understand the question, sort of, but I am wondering how to answer it. A similar question would be "I really like my 8-track tape player and don't want to change to CD, but I want to be able to play CDs on my 8-track tape player."

And then I looked and looked and looked for the answer. Bottom line is that I now consider myself a complete moron when it comes to everything HTML, Blogspot, and so forth. I have a feeling Google/Blogger really does not want to support the "Classic" version of their product.

Dear Leesa,

You are an excellent writer. Do it for a living! Good luck!

Anonomous

Leesa's Answer: That is not a question, you moron. Oh, you like my writing. How sweet. Does a compliment from a moron count, I wonder? Probably not.

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Follow My Blog
Google/Blogger has a relatively new widget for following other bloggers. They wrote about it in August, actually, but I am sure many of us don't read "The Official Blogger Buzz." Whether you think of the follower widget as a way to stalk people, show your support to other bloggers or just a way to be part of a croud, please add me as one of the blogs you follow. It might not make you feel better, but it will make me feel better.

Write Me
Please contribute to the questions asked on "Leesa's Mailbag." Over the last few years, people have emailed me with questions, and I have answered them on an individual basis. Now, I think I will answer them on a blog entry. I will do it on Fridays when I have enough questions to cobble together a post. Sort of an Ann Landers with attitude. Just write to the following email address:

Also, let me know if you want to be acknowledged or anonymous. Makes no difference to me. For those who use the comments section to ask a question, I will assume those are public posts.

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"Chris’s presentation was very motivational. I’m ready to go for it!"

-- Vickie Butler Bindes
Quality Manager, BJ Services

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