Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Big Hollywood

On the radio, I heard about a new website: Big Hollywood. Andrew Breitbart is the man behind the site, who helped establish the Drudge Report and the Huffington Post. In other words, this is a conservative man's man crush. Breitbart wrote about it here.

I have not read about it, I have no knowledge about the website or the background, and I should not write about it. But I am going to anyway.

I have pictured an interview with Breitbart and a reporter; let's call this reporter Leesa (I am a narcissist at heart).

Leesa: Thank you for agreeing to talk with me. I am doing a short story for my blog.

Breitbart: I hope it is a conservative blog.

Leesa: Very conservative. I read from the press release that you are starting a website that talks about the film industry. So, how many upskirts of Britney Spears do you have so far?

Breitbart: Er, we don't do that. We are not some porn site.

Leesa: You can see those shots on Perez Hilton, Access Hollywood. Heck, even on the three networks, if it is a news event.

Breitbart: Did you actually read my recent article. This is a conservative take on Hollywood.

Leesa: So no gossip? No pics of actresses in hideous runway garments? No police blotters.

Breitbart: That is correct. I am going to target the conservatives who want Hollywood news.

Leesa: And you don't think they want to know who impregnated the Spears sister?

Breitbart: Of course not. Conservatives want good, wholesome movies.

Leesa: Like Momma Mia?

Breitbart: Momma Mia shows how a promiscuous woman fathers a child without a father. She is rewarded and ends happily ever after. Certainly if it was a conservative-minded movie, she would be held accountable for her actions. Perhaps her mother would fall off the island and get eaten by sharks.

Leesa: Which Abba song should they use when Meryl Streep gets horribly eaten?

Breitbart: That's not the point of my website. We want to appeal to conservatives, not re-write poorly written musicals.

Leesa: And you expect people to read what you are writing?

Breitbart: Certainly. Conservatives are picky about what they view for entertainment purposes.

Leesa: And this type of insight will be seen on your site? Er. I think I have a dental appointment.

Breitbart: Good oral hygiene is also consistent with the conservative viewpoint. Perhaps we can partner on a story on flossing in Hollywood. Have a compilation of flossing scenes that hit the big screen.

Leesa: I give your website three months. Good luck.

5 comments:

Ian Lidster said...

This is priceless, Leesa. Damn, but you're good -- and I bet you've been told that before.

Knot said...

There's something for everyone on the interwub.

Knot

Leesa said...

ian: thanks, sweetie.

knot: two things for everyone in the interwub, I think.

Tim said...

Funny Funny Funny!! Long before "Big Hollywood" we had our local Catholic paper to find out what movies were safe to see... ha ha

Leesa said...

tim: thanks.