Thursday, April 05, 2007

Wonderment of a Grown Woman

The other day, I read something by g which I did not want to read:

Did you know that the sound you hear when you put a sea shell to your ear is the echo of blood flowing against your tympanic membrane (aka your eardrum?)

My response was something like this:1 "G, I can't believe you, dumb bitch. You are so wrong. The tympanic membrane actually hears sound waves and does not emit sound."

But I really did not mean it. You see, there are some things you have to believe in, even if they may not be based in truth. Sea shells, for instance. I can remember the joy I felt when I put my small, pink ear up to a sea shell and listened to the ocean. I heard the ocean, my little toes wiggling in the sand with excitement, me just wondering how the ocean stays inside of shells. I needed to believe that the ocean resides in these shells, and thus, I still believe in them.

Similarly, I always believed in the Tooth Fairy. Now I cannot remember my last tooth, but when I tucked it under my pillow, I knew the tooth fairy would come. To me, the tooth fairy was much more plausible than Santa Claus2 or the Easter Bunny3. I mean, look at the volume that those two have to do each year. Santa gives toys to millions on the same night. And the Easter Bunny has to hide eggs for all boys and girls, not just the good ones.

The bad thing about the Tooth Fairy, however, is that she doesn't seem to get a break. Little kids seem to loose teeth at all times of the year, not just on specific days. If she calls in sick, is there a junior fairy she can call to do her work for her? I wonder.

The bottom line for me is that we need to still wonder at the world, and it seems to be more of a child's prerogative to wonder. As an adult, wouldn't it be grand to have something like a fuck fairy. Let's say you were masterful in the bedroom one evening or morning. Wouldn't it be grand for the fuck fairy to give you a little treat like a piece of candy, or a single flower? It would be her way of saying, "Saw the fuck and it was masterful. Thanks for paying homage to screwing."

Not all wonderment is innocent, after all.


1My real response was this, "Okay, I think sea shells do capture the sound of the ocean. I need to believe it." I am not that much of a bitch. And she is no bitch. Really. Read her. She is a writer. I love writers.
2Santa, I believe in you, too. I just am writing something and this seems to lend itself to my point. Loved the fuzzy slippers; I always love the fuzzy slippers.
3I sure am glad that bunnies can't read, even if they can make nugget-filled eggs and deliver to millions of yards per year. And I don't like the Easter Bunny playing favorites with the president's lawn. Pisses me off.

10 comments:

Denny Shane said...

Now wait a second here... are you saying the Tooth Fairy isn't real? You're kidding, right? ;)

~Deb said...

The fairy came to me last night. She said I did a horrible job! No rewards. *sigh*

As kids, if you really think about it, we were lied to! (ha) Seriously. But, we had fun thinking that Santa came down the chimney- (even though we had a wood burning stove)... I always asked myself how Santa fit in that little thing! The tooth fairy was my mom. She was a noisey tooth fairy that ran into the walls while trying to put a dollar under my pillow. I like to blame the many martinis for her clumsliness. Dad dressed as Santa, until I pulled his beard off. He also ran out of the house with a huge hold in his pants revealing his tighty whities. Fruit of the Loom. Ah, memories. For Easter, we didn't have egg hunts. We had 'find the gazillion chocolates hidden in the house'. No wonder my mother had an issue of weight problems with her kids. Geez, she should really think about paying for a gym membership for me.

Now I'm depressed.

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RWA said...

"a fuck fairy"...

Now THAT would be impressive. Of course, then you're creating a situation where the fuck fairy leaves something for either the man or the woman, and the other one is left wondering, "What the hell did I do wrong?"

I mean, for instance, would a woman get a present for faking an orgasm so well that the guy believed it?

I think this idea needs some more discussion for sure.

Denny Shane said...

Oh I forgot. Because you were so nice stopping by this morning I am adding you to the Not So Normal Members list. ;)

LarryLilly said...

Isnt a fu*k fairy a succubus?

My computer at work had a fatal error today, i will be without for a few days, hope to be back Tuesday, but who GARA anyway, right?

LOL

have a great weekend!

Prata said...

I can't liten to sea shells, my ears are too sensitive. I have always wondered what they really sound like. When I was a child I placed a sea shell near my ear and was deaf in that ear for about five minutes. =-( I still don't know what it sounds like.

Brea said...

I believe in the fuck fairy, not sure about all those other shady characters.

JohnB said...

It's funny how the tooth fairy didn't come when I gave up my four wisdom teeth...

Advizor said...

I love hearing the echo of blood flowing against my tympanic membrane. But of course, I'm also the guy who lies in bed at night with a stethoscope on my heart to listen to it beating.

I'm waiting for it to stop without warning me....