You know, I have written a lot about my infidelity (not as much recently as in the past), but what I have not really said a lot about is that hubbie cheated as well. I did not say a lot about it because it seems not to have mattered about what I was writing about at the time.
I received the picture above from a reader. I suspect that perhaps she is having marital problems right now. Just a feeling, nothing that she has mentioned. So I will not link back to her, especially since this was sent via email and not a blog entry.
Anyway, I was thinking about some of the ramifications of cheating that are, um, not so pleasant.
Down-the-Road Problems with Cheating
1. Running into the ex-lover. Never a good thing. First, it is uncomfortable for you, and if your spouse ever finds out, well it is uncomfortable for him. Then, the guy you bump into figures, hey, maybe she will sleep with me again. And so you have to fend off his come-ons and advances.
2. Dreaming about the ex-lover. If you have cheated and are no longer cheating, these dreams are more "shocking" than sexy. I mean, you spent all the time and energy forgetting the person. Actually, you spend lots of money on psychotropic drugs to forget the indiscretions, and then your subconscious bites you in the ass.
3. Having to work with the ex-lover. It is never a good idea, when married, to take another lover. I mean, you know, you may have some cute co-workers and you are thinking that lunch could be a lot more fun (wink-wink), but the aftermath sucks. First, there is probably some sort of employee rule about screwing in the lunchroom, citing FDA regulations about not having bottoms touching food preparation areas. And then afterwards, there is this awkwardness, when your boss asks you to give input on their "performance evaluation." It happens more often than you might imagine.
4. Confusing your spouse with the ex-lover. Let's say your spouse's name is Ron, and a former lover's name (which Ron knows) is John. Never, never call Ron John. Makes for a bad evening.
5. Betraying a special bond. Okay, all of the previous reasons were in jest. It just sucks that you had this special bond with someone, stood before God and parents and said all of those wonderful things, then spent the next several years working on that special relationship, your souls, minds, and bodies becoming one, and then you betray him. That is what really sucks. And nothing will ever make it right.
He will forgive you as you do he. But no one forgets. Until dementia settles in.
3. My Stories. Yeah, I have a few erotic stories here. I know, they are not all that good, but they were fun to write. Don't read them if this offends you (and they represent less than 1% of the content here). These stories have elements of truth and fantasy, some more true than others. Complain about something that is a bit more substantive if you must complain. I have lots of faults.
12 comments:
I think the hardest part is forgiving ourselves, especially everytime we remember something. Not saying I know this from personal experience...
Okay, so I do. There I said it. Felt hypocritical for not claiming it in the first comment. I've been married more than once, though. ;)
kathi: I completely agree about not wanting to forgive yourself. That was the hardest part for me.
I worked with a guy that was married 4 times. The first three were to women named Connie, which at least meant that during those "slumber is not to far off moments" when laying in bed with the soon to be,m but not quite legal Connie, and you blurt out Connie, well, your ass is covered.
I wonder how he did with his last and current wife.
I worry about my past and my passing. I was there when my dad passed away from the ravages of mesothelioma, and as he slide into the next world, he was speaking to past people in his life, his mother, his moms sister, and someone else we did not understand the name. I worry that when I die, I will blurt out my first wifes name, a woman that I was married to for 28 years, and while she caused me living hell the last 8 years, and I still have bad dreams over 9 years later, it might not be what i would want to say, and my great wife these past 9 years (yeah, do the math LOL).
drugs make you do weird stuff LOL
I couldn't have said it better myself Kath---it's forgiving yourself first before anything. We're all human.
I would think dealing with it yourself would be the worst part. I have friends who have done that, and I just wonder, "What the hell are they thinking?"
I've seen that picture before, though, on some other websites. Do you know the person who actually took it?
That's a very blanket statement. Not everyone stands before god. The god isn't even a necessary component to marriage.
Secondly, love is an emotion (as I've written before) it doesn't last forever, no matter what you say. If properly maintained sure it can last a long time; however, as any emotion it ebbs and flows. Emotions do that. Tricking yourself into thinking otherwise is fantastical at best.
Oops! Forgot like the whole point of having posted a comment. I don't disagree with you that it's unfortunate that there is betrayal at all, but as far as forgetting? You haven't forgiven the person if you can't forget about it. Seriously, if it's always occupying your mind..you've not forgiven the person and they haven't forgiven you.
larry: three Connies. Wow.
~deb: yeah, Kathi is great.
rwa: nah, I don't know who took the photo.
prata: I think love is more than an emotion. But I will have to think about it more before I can draft a coherent argument for you to read. You can always forgive someone, and when something happens, it might remind you of the betrayal.
My grandparents were married almost 50 years before they divirced...due to many issues, not the least of which was myu grandfather's infedelity. They re-married several years later, about 9 years ago...I guess to have someone to grow old with...my grandfather's girlfriend had died, and I think he was lonely.
In the interem, my grandmother has been diagnosed with alzhimers...and it has really impacted our lives. The worst part is though, she dosen't trust my grandfather. She will often wake in the night and come to find my father (her son) or my mother and ask if they know who "that man" in her bed is. Thank goodness they are able to live in my parent's house. Who knows where she would go to try to escape him otherwise.
So yeah, dementia can make you forget some things (like the bastard's name) but you never forget the breach of trust.
Ooops! Leesa. And that's not all
You wouldn't wanna try and float that boat, bet it's gotta a big hole in the bottom too.
hey, for #4, you could always say you were thinking of the surf shop...on second thought, that is pretty lame.
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