Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Pumping Gas

And your penis is how long?The other day I got my car washed, and as with most gas stations, if you purchase gas at the car wash, you get a $1 discount. Pretty typical. But I just got gas from a cheaper gas station.

How to get my $1 discount? I was going to pump a couple of pennies worth of gas into my tank to get the discount, but since I parked on the wrong side of the pump (and the pump had a really short hose), I decided to just squirt out a couple of pennies of gas.

I took the gas pump and squeezed a short squeeze. I spilled a bit of gas, and in that moment, my mind went back to Onan1 and the spilling of his seed on the ground.

I have never really gotten penis envy, but in that short moment, with the gas pump moving in my hand, the gas surging and then spilling onto the pavement, it seemed so powerful, so . . . I don't know.

And at that moment, I sort of understood penis envy. I understood wanting to have a penis. And my cheeks flushed bright red. Fuck.

I remember first hearing about penis envy in high school. I cannot remember the reason for it. I am thinking Shakespeare. Anyway, at the time, and since, I had not really gotten it.

I mean, having an appendage that sticks out in front, having to adjust oneself, having something that "signals arousal" very publicly, seems to be something that has obvious disadvantages. Having something that throws off one's balance. Disadvantage.

But the power of having that gas pump in my hand, spilling gas. Powerful. Weird. Not that I want to go out and by one of those strap-ons. That is just plain weird.

But I will be saving a dollar each car wash from now on.

1(Genesis 38:9) - "And Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so it came about that when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground, in order not to give offspring to his brother." Personally, I don't believe that this has anything to do with God being upset with Onan for masturbation (something that many people believe). I think God was mad at Onan for not fulfilling his family obligations (to impregnate his brother's wife after the death of his brother). Talk about "family values."


Z said...

Er, I sort of want to try that now.

Although in this country, petrol pumps have a minimum £3 charge (nearly $6). Which, given the price of petrol, about $9 per gallon, doesn't take long to pump, but rather negates the saving of a dollar!

~Deb said...

Hmm. A detachable one sounds better! You can have as much power, yet with the ability to wear a nice slinky tight dress. Dragqueens have it rough, huh?

I was just talking about this very story in Genesis with Amy, and I couldn’t remember which book it was in… (I mean, which ‘chapter’---not book as in “bible”. (ha) Some Christian I am, huh?

Anonymous said...

Well, I don't want one. Like you said with the public arousal and all. But only one orgasm at a time? No thanks. I mean, ya, I want one around for fun and all, but not on my body; just in it. (wink)


Leesa said...

z: one squeeze only cost my about three cents.

~deb: ever wonder how many times our lives seem to intersect? I think we may have parallel lives.

GND: I don't want one either, but I never understood penis envy until that day.

Ian Lidster said...

I think the actual term 'penis envy' comes from Freud. I guess the penis has a distinct advantage at times, like peeing in the woods without having to disrobe. But, despite its obvious declaration of intention when aroused, it can be a cranky bugger at times when a body least wants that to happen.
And, I agree with Girl Next Door about multi-orgasms. At such times I can have a slight vagina envy when she can keep going while I am finito. Rats.


Brea said...

That's a bible verse you don't hear in church...

Dandelion said...

It makes me quite cross actually, as a concept. Load of BS, if you ask me. It's obvious to me that a person who reckons that people without penises really wish they had one, has probably got more of an issue with penises than anyone to whom he would attribute "penis envy".

I am SO glad I haven't got one. They're so ungainly and embarrassing. And vulnerable. I think penises have been co-opted as a symbol of power to make up for what is actually a pretty raw deal. Give me child-bearing over a penis any day. (That sounds a bit funny, but you know what I mean)

Then again, if having a penis gets you a better job, more money, more cultural value and so on, I can see how some women might wish they did have one.

Leesa said...

ian: I guess I am more envious of the power and money that comes with said penis.

brea: I actually first heard it in CCD (Sunday School). Don't ask me why. I thought he was a sloppy gardener.

dandelion: I don't really want one either, but that gas episode gave me a moment to pause.

Prata said...

Wait..wait..you mean guys can't have multiple orgasms? =-/ I'm concerned.

And really...I'm not sure I know what to say at this moment about this...penis envy thing. That doesn't make any sense to me lol

RWA said...

I would never have imagined that someone could equate pumping gas to penis envy.

But, there's always a new day, right?

LarryLilly said...

Well, two points.

Point one, dribbling the gas on the ground is a no-no. I mean think of it, all these penis envy women wanting to wag something, and dribbling gasoline onto the ground. Do you know what pollution you have unleashed onto the waters of these here United States? not to mention air pollution, so you can then use more water to wash a car that will only get dirty the next day? Thats a double whammy, polluted water plus useless use of water.

Ok, thats the EPA in me. But since your in a different region than me, I wont tell the people in Atlanta to issue you a fine. LOL

Point two, The old joke, after God created Adam and Eve from Adam's rib, he then told Adam, "I gave you a penis, so you can run around and write your name and other great ideas in the sand." Adam was overjoyed, and ran around writing "neenner neenner neenner" Eve than asked "What did I get." "Multiple orgasms" God replied. Eve smiled.

~Deb said...

I think so as well! :)

Leesa said...

prata: you are too funny!

rwa: oh, dear, I hope I did not indicate I was weird.

larry: I burn my trash, too. Just joking.

~deb: I knew you were going to say that!

Dr. Deb said...

Yup, that there's a case of penis envy.

JD said...

very cool post, again. i've missed your blog. and thank you for the comment on my blog. i do need to write something new.

kathi said...

I can honestly say I've never had this feeling pumping gas. I can't honestly say I've never had this feeling, though, I've just never had it pumping gas. :)

Monica said...

Of all people, I would NEVER have expected you to pump gas onto the ground! What if it splashed onto your shoes and you had to smell gas all say? What if some redneck tosses out his cigarette and the whole station goes up in flames?!
I'm sorry--did you day something about a penis?

Monica said...

Oh, and they let me teach the 1st grade CCD class....should this the topic for tonight's class?
I doubt anyone would notice...our Bishop suddenly retired yesterday, so at this point no one would care.

Kat said...

You are unique. I've never had penis envy, way ugly that appendage. Useful, but unattractive.

Lisa said...

I've never had penis envy, either, but strap-ons are h.o.t.

The book I'm using is called "The Best of the Magazine Market for Writers 2006" but I wouldn't necessarily say it's a "good" choice. It has a wide variety of listings, and I'm finding it pretty helpful, but it's not organized very well (in my opinion). There are a few southern listings, actually...

RWA said...

I didn't take it that way at all, Leesa. I just meant that it was something I had never heard of before.

Advizor said...

When I was first married, my wife loved to hold my penis while I peed. She, and I, were both virgins, though not completely without experience when we got married, and I think the feeling of the pee gushing out turned her on.

She would have me pee while we were in the shower together just so she could point it every which way. It always made me laugh, but I think she had, and still has, penis envy.

Tragically, she no longer plays with my penis the same way. I think she blames it for the three little rugrats that are running around our house these days....

colleen said...

I have a pretty sexy poem about watering the garden with a hose, "Steamy August and the Hose Stud." I get it.