Leesa's Mailbag: Issue 2

Dear Leesa,

Writing about what we know from our perspective can often turn out dull and boring. However, it's comfortable because we know what we're talking about. For example, writing what women want in a relationship might be right up your alley. So, in your opinion and experience, what do you think men want in a relationship outside of sex?

Knot

Leesa's Answer: This is my first question, and here is how I read it: "Instead of an easy question, I want you to answer a question that I (Knot) know more about than you do. Na, na, na, na. "

I guess it would depend on the relationship.

1. Long-term relationship. Guess it depends on the guy. Most men probably want to either copy what they grew up with (if their parents fostered a wonderful/good home life) or re-write what they grew up with. The guy wants subconsciously to be his father and wants a mother to complement him.

2. Short-term relationship. Men, even most pig-headed men, want to like the people they are screwing with. I would think a short-term squeeze would want companionship.

No deep insight here, sorry. Maybe it is all about companionship. When long-term relationships end because of a death (which one would think is very traumatic), normally the surviving spouse enters into another relationship within a year. It does not make sense to most of us, but that's what happens. I think people miss the companionship.

Dear Leesa,

I'm a new reader and saw that you had a "Dear Abby" type of experiment being tested out, so I would like to participate if you wouldn't mind.

Let me start by telling you that I have been married to my husband for 3 years now. We both have a healthy sexual appetite and fantasy plays a huge role as well. One of his favorite things to discuss during intercourse is the imagery of myself being with another man. We discuss what I'm doing with this guy as well as what my husband is doing while watching. Sometimes, when we're out at a bar, we'll spot a guy who would fit the fantasy role of our little fetish we have. Most of the time, it happens to be the bartender. We would come home with conjured up sexually explicit stories about me and this new fella to toss around while having sex together.

My question to you is, do you think that my husband may be bisexual or bi-curious because he scouts out men for me or, possibly for him? It has gotten to the point where he is completely obsessed over me being with another man, more so than he is with being with me alone.

I'm nervous we won't be able to go back to normal and dabble in our fantasies once in a while.

Sincerely,
Ophelia Beaverstein

Leesa's Answer: I little bit a fantasy is really good in a relationship. That is all I am qualified to answer.

I don't think your husband is bi-curious or bisexual. I think there are a lot of guys who want to see their spouses with other people. I don't get it, but as long as it is fantasy, perhaps it is okay as well.

A while back, I was answering questions on Yahoo Answers. I looked at some of the unanswered questions, and there was a similar question asked there. So I know your concerns are shared by others. As I am not a qualified therapist – or even a therapist at all – I cannot really give you a good answer. And a smart-ass answer seems to not take your concerns seriously.

Dear Leesa,

I have a dear cyber stalker who treks into both our blogs. She used to be an "old friend" of mine but now has resorted to obsessing over the doodling of our lil' ol' blogs.

She also insists that I'm a "tranny". I take this as a great compliment, only due to the fact that most transitioning "women" are tall and thin.

Any tips?

Sincerely,
The Hunted

Leesa's Answer: You know, I have tried all sorts of things to discourage the stalker as well. I have been nice, been mean, have ignored her. All sorts of things. Now I think I am going to be happy that I have a stalker. And a good one.

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Write Me
Please contribute to the questions asked on "Leesa's Mailbag." Over the last few years, people have emailed me with questions, and I have answered them on an individual basis. Now, I think I will answer them on a blog entry. I will do it on Fridays when I have enough questions to cobble together a post. Sort of an Ann Landers with attitude. Just write to the following email address:

Also, let me know if you want to be acknowledged or anonymous. Makes no difference to me. For those who use the comments section to ask a question, I will assume those are public posts.