Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Stepping Out with a Man

A few months ago, I attended a conference. It was a conference I did not really need to be at, a conference I was at because of a reward. Yeah, vacation on the firm. It sounds so "big girl" when I say it that way.

Anyway, the conference was full of hour long or 90-minute long presentations. Okay, I was not really interested in the presentations. I was looking to see why people would ask questions – so I was watching the participants seeing their motivations for speaking up, for checking email instead of listening, all sorts of things. You know, I can entertain myself with my thoughts. I never got the "I'm bored. Entertain me!" mantra I seem to here every once in a while.

In the evenings, we would have mixers and go out. I have not gone out much in the past several years, so it was fun going out. I flirted, I danced, I had fun, and I was a good girl.

At the conference, I went out with the same group of people two nights in a row. I was pursued by both a man and a woman on those nights, and I was flattered: today I will write about the man who pursued me; Friday I will write about the woman.

I have had men hit on me over the years, and I am very good at saying "No" without bruising egos. It is an art, and most women who like male friends having additional benefits know how to do this. The difference about this conference is that I actually wanted to sleep with the guy.

You know, I wanted to sleep with him and I didn't do it. I controlled my emotions, my feelings, and I did not sleep with him.

I want to say that the reason I did not sleep with him is that I am a different person than I was several years ago, and while that is true, that is not the reason for my abstinence. I have avoided situations like this for a while, but when you are by yourself at a conference, there is temptation.

I did not sleep with the guy – a handsome, smart, sexy funny man – because I did not want him to think I am a slut. I wanted him to think better of me. Yeah, that does not make me feel any better. I may have slept with him if I did not think he would think of any worse of me. That's sort of screwed up.

He emailed me after the conference, "networking" as he put it. He is still trying to hook up with me, and I am not discouraging it. And that makes me a bad Leesa. Or a human Leesa.


~Deb said...

You have a conscience. That makes a world of a difference. What about him? Would you think less of him for it? I hate that double-standard thing where men would think less of a woman, but it's not the same the other way around. I have to admit, this is one of the reasons why I never dated a woman who had to go on business trips -- I have a huge lack of trust in that area because I know what goes on because I've been in that position before: lonely, on a business function or trip and it seems "ok" at that time. At least you're "talking" it through before acting upon it. That says a lot right there!

Good luck!

グラント said...

This is your conscience speaking. Ignore ~deb and have sex with the woman. Post pictures on the blog, or at least send them to グラント.

Tim said...

I hope it really isn't because you are concerned with how he would think but more because you think more of yourself now. I spent a few years traveling a great deal and found two things that sounded more and more "ok" the longer I was away.... One more drink won't hurt and what will it hurt to sleep with her? I found out that I had to come home sometime.. Like Deb said, at least you're talking it through before.

Ian Lidster said...

It makes you a 'human Leesa', my dear. God knows we all get tempted. I do. And, once upon a time I didn't resist and I 'met' (metaphorically speaking) some very attractive and attentive women. But, you know, it all gets so damn complicated. And, when you risk hurting somebody you genuninely value it really screws everthing up. By the way, I can certainly understand his impulse regarding you.Beautiful,smart, witty and talented. My goodness.

~Deb said...

Grant: I hope you fall into a pool of holy water. (ha!)

With love,

Anonymous said...

Ya I'm with Deb on this one believe it or not. I think you chose the higher road. Business trips can get lonely.


Advizor said...

I think Tim is getting it right. It doesn't matter what he would think of you, it matters most what you would think when you got up out of his lonely hotel bed, pulled on your clothes, and saw yourself in the mirror.

You have worked hard to stay faithful to your husband, and one night of sex, no matter how fantastic and well-documented for your faithful readers, would be a disastrous blow to your real life.

I travel for my job and I've met people who subscribe to the "State Line Rule" or the "500 mile rule" that allows them to justify cheating on their partners. So if you had slept with this guy, he wouldn't have though less of you, since he already thinks so little of himself.

And, as for the girl? Even if nothing happened, throw your fans a bone and write it up as a "story" with lots of embellishments. We know you are a good girl in real life....

GW Mush said...

This post and the blogger comments disgust me beyond belief.

Advizor said...

Wow GW, calm down.

I'm not sure what you find so objectionable about a woman, when faced with temptation, makes the right decision, honors her commitments, and stays faithful, for what ever reason she can find.

We make good (and bad) decisions for all the wrong reasons.

I give to my church to feel good about myself, not to help the poor.
I don't cheat on my wife because I'm afraid of disease.
I don't steal 'cause I don't like prison and don't want a boyfriend named "Snake"
I give blood to the Red Cross because I'm going to need it myself some day.

The list goes on and on. Maybe we should make all of our decisions based on high morals and solid ethics, but we don't. We add up all the reasons to make a choice and hope that the balance leads us to do good, to be nice, and to stay happy.

I'm not sure where your anger is coming from, but WOW, you are a dick.

~Deb said...

GW Mush cracks me up! Embellish. Do it up so GW doesn't have to take his Viagra tonight. ;)

Prata said...

グラント you're on the right track, but it should have ben _both_ at the _same time_.

I have loose morals though. least that's what I hear. What is the definition of morals again?

Leesa, there's absolutely zero wrong with having temptation..understanding it and then picking an action. The action (or inaction?) you choose simply must be one you are comfortable with..that's all.

Being true to one's self is all you can ask of yourself. Others can ask lots of things, but well...that's really none of your concern in the end.

Anonymous said...

I would have fallen for the temptation. And would have felt bad about it, but chucked it up with all the other "bad" things I have done.
I don't do it out of spite, I don't do it because of lack of self control. I do it because it is taboo and incorrect.

I have spent my life doing such things and yes most of the times I do regret my choice, but rarely do I regret having experienced it.

I'm a good person with bad morals. I would help anyone in need, I'm the first one to speak out for the weak, I depise people who cause harm upon others purposely.
I adore my wife and child.

But somewhere inside. I am bad.

So good on you Leesa! Congrats.

And I look forward to the female encounter story :)))



Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I think there's a lot of us who have been there at one point or another in our lives. Should I? Shouldn't I?

And the "leading up to" sleeping together is usually ALWAYS btter than the actual "sleeping together". One of those..."God was that really worth it?" things.

I always try to look at it as "is one night of good...even great sex, worthy my marriage".

What's that adage? "The devil you know is better than the devil you DON'T know". I know my little devil at home and what he can do for me and that's plenty enough for me. ;)

Leesa said...

~deb: thanks for the kind words.

grant: guess next time I need to bring a camera to the conference.

tim: that's the problem. It was really how he would think, not how I would feel.

ian: thanks for the sweet words.

edge: high road by accident, though.

mush: sorry about that.

advisor: thanks, sweetie.

prata: but to accidently be true to oneself. That's sort of strange.

Pyth0s: thanks for the honesty.

stacy: yeah, I think you are right. And my marriage is not worth a great night of sex.