A few months ago, I attended a conference. It was a conference I did not really need to be at, a conference I was at because of a reward. Yeah, vacation on the firm. It sounds so "big girl" when I say it that way.
Anyway, the conference was full of hour long or 90-minute long presentations. Okay, I was not really interested in the presentations. I was looking to see why people would ask questions – so I was watching the participants seeing their motivations for speaking up, for checking email instead of listening, all sorts of things. You know, I can entertain myself with my thoughts. I never got the "I'm bored. Entertain me!" mantra I seem to here every once in a while.
In the evenings, we would have mixers and go out. I have not gone out much in the past several years, so it was fun going out. I flirted, I danced, I had fun, and I was a good girl.
At the conference, I went out with the same group of people two nights in a row. I was pursued by both a man and a woman on those nights, and I was flattered: today I will write about the man who pursued me; Friday I will write about the woman.
I have had men hit on me over the years, and I am very good at saying "No" without bruising egos. It is an art, and most women who like male friends having additional benefits know how to do this. The difference about this conference is that I actually wanted to sleep with the guy.
You know, I wanted to sleep with him and I didn't do it. I controlled my emotions, my feelings, and I did not sleep with him.
I want to say that the reason I did not sleep with him is that I am a different person than I was several years ago, and while that is true, that is not the reason for my abstinence. I have avoided situations like this for a while, but when you are by yourself at a conference, there is temptation.
I did not sleep with the guy – a handsome, smart, sexy funny man – because I did not want him to think I am a slut. I wanted him to think better of me. Yeah, that does not make me feel any better. I may have slept with him if I did not think he would think of any worse of me. That's sort of screwed up.
He emailed me after the conference, "networking" as he put it. He is still trying to hook up with me, and I am not discouraging it. And that makes me a bad Leesa. Or a human Leesa.
Indifference is the Opposite of Love
1 day ago