Thursday, September 21, 2006

Appropriate Conversations

I was listening to my brother and sister-in-law talk to their children the other day, and it occurred to me: their kids know nothing about some of the more wild things these two parents have done over the years. When the family first met sister-in-law, the common perception with the family was (1) this will never last, (2) can't little brother see her imperfections, and (3) and this girl is some kind of slut.

If I ever wanted to plan a listening devise in my parent's home, it would have been placed in the kitchen and I would have wanted to hear the family conversations after me and date, or me and significant other left for a dinner, a party, whatever. Because in those moments, I would probably have known "what my family really thinks of him." You think announcers covering gymnastics at the Olympics are picky – slight wobble on the dismount, which will cost 0.1 – you have not met my family.

I have heard that "the previous generation" had far more appropriate conversations, and I am not buying it. I mean, sure, in the print media, there was not the volume of information on cum shots, anal sex and masturbation, but that does not mean these subjects were not discussed in certain circles. I mean, I am sure, during most conversations when meeting the parents, no one talked about safe sex, dildos or sexual positions.

Gidget's Dad: So Mike, what are your plans with Gidget this evening.

Mike: Well, Mr. Lawrence, after going to the soda shop for a malted, I planed on taking your daughter to lookout point, where I would do my best to feel her up.


That conversation never happened, but if it did, "feel her up" may be code for so much more.

Now I am not suggesting I want to know that my parents or my grandparents talked illicitly about sex, drugs and rock-and-roll. I don't want to know that Grandmother enjoyed "reverse cowgirl," though she called it "reverse Amazon." I don't want to know about their Friday night adventures, or what they did when they went away for a long weekend. We assumed it was to get a break from us, and it was more likely that they wanted to make a heck of a lot of noise when they were having sex.

Right now, my niece and nephew have no idea about some of the things their parents used to do, say. Heck, still do, say, behind closed doors. And I would not have it any other way.

7 comments:

Mark said...

Some things we never want to know, like did grandma swallow? Funny thing is, no matter how little we want to know about what our parents and grandparents did sexually, we know that they did it, and probably had a great time. If you look at some of the antique erotica out there -- nothing has changed, just the women back then were all natural (yea!) and men wore those stupid sock garters...

Mike said...

I didn't even know her name was Gidget.

~Deb said...

My parents never had sex. I'm sticking to that belief.

minijonb said...

back in my high school days, i dated the daughter of a Circuit Court judge. i sooo wanted to have that "i'm going to take your daughter out tonight and then have sex with her" conversation... but i knew i'd be in jail in two seconds flat if i did.

Advizor said...

I have four brothers and one sister, which meant my mom allowed my dad in on 6 occasions, end of story.

I am pretty sure that "reverse cowgirl" was not on the agenda, though I think my mom would have been a doggie style kind-of girl in her younger days. Something about her just screamed "repressed submissive" although she never let that side of her freak flag fly.

I can distinctly remember asking her what the word "orgasm" meant after reading the book "Logan's Run" (reading the book introduced me to sex, seeing the movie showed me my first nipple, so THANKS to the author). I asked her what it meant and she said that it was a "really good feeling between a man and a woman." That must have been good enough for me as a 13-year old, because the next time I heard her use that word in conversation was 2 days before I got married. By then I had had several (hundred? thousand?)orgasms on my own, and given a few out as gifts to my girlfriends, so it was cute to hear her try and give me marital advice.

My favorite memory of my grandma, is that she was a book collector, and the best rare book store in town was in our local head shop. Did that stop her? Not one bit. I took several trips with Grandma, me in jeans and a t-shirt, her in a formal business suit and mink stole and her grandma hair, and her little jeweled pocket book. We got the oddest looks, but I loved the fact that she felt at home in a head shop.

Ian Lidster said...

Leesa, I so utterly agree with you. In the case of my elders I absolutely did not want to go there. So, they sent us all to Sunday school on Sundays so 'Dad could sleep in because he works so hard.' I bought that one for years, and I think I still choose to accept that version than to think my parents did the things I and some of my 'intimate friends' have done -- and still do -- with each other. I love it, but don't necessarily want to share it, especially with the next generation members I might be related to.

Your friend
Ian

Leesa said...

mark: the more things change, the more things stay the same.

mike: why does that not surprise me.

~deb: I used to say that I was adopted because I could not bare to think my parents had sex.

minijonb: and jail would not have been fun!

advizer: love the definition of orgasm: "a really good feeling between a man and a woman." Best definition I have heard. And thanks for the stories.

ian: Dad could sleep in. What a clever way of having some free time. Smart parents.