Friday, February 01, 2008

Un-insightful Moment

I was walking from the restroom yesterday, and something occurred to me.

First, I have insightful thoughts at the weirdest moments. When I am brushing my teeth or hair, when I am in the shower, five minutes before I fall asleep. And all of these times are not good times to have insightful thoughts. I don't have a pen and paper handy. Oh, by the way, the thought on the way to the restroom was not one of these thoughts, but this other thought just occurred to me. You know, I would be totally screwed if I had multiple personalities vying for synapse function.

Upon exiting the restroom, I noticed the couch inside of the restroom. It reminded me that for men, going to the bathroom is just something to check off their lists of things to do – for women, it is more of an experience.

A few jobs ago, I had a desk where I could see the restroom, both men's and woman's. Men would walk in and out quickly, voiding their bladders, I would guess, and leaving. Occasionally a man would enter the restroom with something tucked under his arm for a more leisurely bathroom experience. Nothing says fine reading experience than experiencing a BM at the same time. <-- I really don't get pooping and reading at the same time. I love to read, and I have to poop. Not sure why men think these two events dovetail so nicely.

When I enter a bathroom that doesn't reek – and most women's restrooms are kept clean (probably because we don't pee on the floor) – I might start by doing my business in the stall. Sans reading material. One I wipe and flush (oh, and I don't know why men don't wipe after peeing), I make my way to the mirror.

I wash my hand thoroughly with warm water. This is my highlight in the restroom. I love warm water on my hands. I may soap my hands two or three times, probably more because of the OCD than anything, but I do enjoy warming my hands up while cleaning all of the germs off of them.

Then I check out my hair – and may make a few adjustments. When I was younger, I applied make-up most of the time. Now, I am not so vain. If there is someone else in the restroom, we may start a conversation. The whole experience may take ten minutes.

Some people have smoking breaks. I have a bathroom break. Where was I going with this - I haven't the slightest clue. Oh, well, got to scoot to the ladies' room. Ta.


Ian Lidster said...

Thank you. I always wondered what took women so long in there. I mean, I've been in the room while a wife or lady friend was peeing and it doesn't take very long. You, dear Leesa, filled in the gaps.
And no, dear, I cannot imagine pooping without reading. If I am stuck in somebody else's bathroom for that particular function, I've even been known to read shampoo bottles and tampon boxes. It's just the perfect multitasking combo -- let something out, take something in. And those are my scatological comments for today.

グラント said...

When I worked for BS, I happened to notice that the ladies' room had a foyer featuring a recliner. I'm sure its only a matter of time before women get internet access in the stalls and maybe a sushibar next to the sinks.

I don't wipe after I pee because it's more fun to twirl my penis over my head like a lasso and then crack it like a whip.

Prata said...

I totally read during "movement". Mainly, because I'm kind of scattered and I have to multi-task or I get bored and that can be dangerous. It's why I always had to be doing something in chemistry. If I wasn't then I started blowing things up. No, that's not a joke. I blew up four pens, 2 pencils, and 13 beakers during my first year of hands on chemistry because the teacher once again had to lecture on STP during lab. Some people just had problems with that and the light spectrum. Thermite is an interesting substance by the way, a little goes a very long way.

I wonder what would happen if I started taking out house hold cleaners and putting little explosives together while sitting in someone's bathroom. lol So I read. *nods*

richmanwisco said...

Wipe? We men shake, don't you know? And it's actually serving a programmed biological purpose, as it's a major means of cooling of the male body. If we wiped without shaking, then the heat buildup would severely impair our judgment.

So there you have it.

seattledrizzle said...

I can see how people get in the habit of reading, because if you are a voracious reader when young, nothing will get in your way of reading.

What about cell phones? I thought worst case was when someone answered phone in stall next door. But later, I heard someone make call from stall next door. Answering the phone is bad enough, but placing a call??

~Deb said...

The other day while using the mall's restroom, there was a woman about 3 stalls down from me firing it up - I mean, stink bombing the place. Maybe she ate something bad. I don't know. Anyway, she was there before I was. We both get out of the stalls at the same time. I wash my hands - like you a few times and with a few more spurts of soap... Her? She runs out of there NOT washing her hands at all...and it was right after a huge BM!


Those are the types of people who smear their hands over your shopping carts!

Anonymous said...

I've seen a woman pee ... I totally understand why you wipe. A man pees and ... that's it all gone. But .. have you ever heard the rhymn, "No matter how much you shake and dance the last drop falls in your pants,"?


~Deb said...

Hey Leesa - personal question: wipe front to back or back to front?



SSC said...

Cute blog post, I couldn't help but laugh!!!!!

Leesa said...

ian: still not going to read. I read when doing other activities.

grant: Internet access in the bathroom - great for the blackberry crowd.

prata: you are an interesting man, sweetie.

richman: I never knew about the shaking thing.

seattle: I read a lot. I read in line. I read when walking sometimes.

~deb: I can't believe people don't wash afterwards.

edge: nice rhyme.

~deb: TMI, sweetie.

ssc: thanks, sweetie.