Strange Thought of the Dead
I always thought, well, when I was a little girl, at least, that when you die, you can sort of float around on the earth and observe others. Not an original thought, but a thought I have. Well, it just occurred to me that I have not masturbated since my grandparents have died. These events are not causally related. So, if you can view the living after you have died, my grandparents have never seen me masturbate. Of course, now, they have read about it on my frickin' blog. Crap.
Writer's Strike
The Writer's Strike ended on February 13, and I did not find out until the eighteenth. My guess is that this will not affect me too much. Plus I need to listen to the news more often. There are some news stories I just don't want to miss - like when Fidel Castro is going to step down. I have been paying attention since the 80s, and it would be a darned shame if I missed that story. I mean, I remember when he got sick . . . .
A History of Evil
I saw a YouTube video called "A History of Evil", partly because I thought there may have been a cameo by Grant. Not that Grant is really evil. I like the narrator's voice. The credits say the narrator is Brenna Callinan. Not that Brenna Callinan is evil. Not sure what the point of this is.
The Real News
There is a "news" program on YouTube: The Real News. Pretty soon we will all be writing news for others to read. Blogs, I guess, are sort of like this. "Oh, look, Janie got a new nose ring." And she posted a video, showing the experience. Neat. Sure glad Aunt Gladys can view this.
Cursing
Some people think that when people refrain from cursing, it shows weakness. I think those people are just sad. I know what you were thinking – that I would say that it fucking pisses me off. Sorry to disappoint.
Peeing
My hubbie has started a new habit with peeing. He starts to flush the toilet before he finishes peeing. At first, I thought, "What the hey, he pees standing up. Why does he need to save another five seconds with the flushing thing?" Well, sometimes he mis-judges, and has to flush the toilet twice. For pee. I just tell him he is killing fish. It doesn't seem to shame him into giving up this new habit.
Drawing
I have a niece and nephew and both can draw better than me. I can drive a car and they can't, so it is not like they have eclipsed me yet, but it is only a matter of time.
What is Real
There is so much we don't know. For instance, some people say vaccines are harmless. Some people disagree. Some people think cigarette smoking is harmless (okay, that cigarette smoke does not cause cancer), some do not. We get all kinds of information and I can't figure any of it out. I think it is better to just give up. Instead of looking for what is real, I guess we are starting to look for what is reasonable.
A Mortgage By Any Other Name
I hear all these stories about banks tightening up lending, and I don't believe it. I got an offer to refinance my home up to a certain amount. I think the bank bought my information from my mortgage company (yeah, I really think they sell this information), but instead of saying I could borrow up to a certain amount (the junk mail almost always uses the original loan amount), they have a typo, inserting a "1" before the amount. Er, that extra digit represents a million dollars. Darned fineprint probably says something about not borrowing more than the house is worth. I am tempted to contact the company. My husband just wants to frame the junk mail. How pathetic are we?
Friday, February 22, 2008
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3. My Stories. Yeah, I have a few erotic stories here. I know, they are not all that good, but they were fun to write. Don't read them if this offends you (and they represent less than 1% of the content here). These stories have elements of truth and fantasy, some more true than others. Complain about something that is a bit more substantive if you must complain. I have lots of faults.
21 comments:
On the radio, I heard about a new medical procedure becoming popular with the guys. I'm not sure what it is called, but they can have their urethra bored-out and enlargened. I'm not making this up and the radio station swore they weren't either. They said it would allow men to empty their bladder in a few seconds. Maybe your hubby would be interested, and it could save fish. Besides, guys love to hear about medical procedures that involve slicing into their penis.
Whoa, that video was great and entertaining. I loved the narrator's voice too. Grant and his lovely evilness. :)
Now, I have this peeve with my sweetie - she has to flush before using the toilet. BEFORE. ...I keep telling her that she's wasting a gallon or two of water each time she does that. (Not that I'm this huge conservationalist or anything), but still, it's weird to me. Then again, remember Alley McBeal, where that one guy needed a "fresh bowl"? It's an OCD thing.
Ok, I can't stand men who flush and immediately start to pee and leave the urinal all yellow. DUDE! PEE THEN FLUSH. It's simple! I don't want to look at your beer stained urine in my urinal.
~Jef
grant: so the docs are cutting penises so that guys can pee faster? Or does this fix something medically wrong with some guys?
~deb: I sometimes wash my hands before and after using the restroom (mostly in public toilets). But I don't ever wonder about a fresh bowl at home.
edge: that's what I am saying. What's a urinal?
Oh my God...that whole urethra thing just ooged me out....and I don't even have a penis. YEEEEE-ouch. I mean, what the hell? Why do men need to pee faster? They already have a huge advantage over us with the whole "standing-up-to-pee" thing going on.
And I try really hard not to think about those dead floating relatives....not even so much as when I masturbate ('cause everyone's done it, right?) but more for the fact of some of the things The PK and I do together.
Of course, when you get so far along, none of that other stuff matters.....you just want to end up with...well, with a very happy ending, you know? :)
They claimed it was elective surgery not designed to fix any medical issues - just a kind of nose job for guys. Even the doctors couldn't explain the appeal of being able to pee quickly.
I just solve the problem by peeing outside. It was really liberating when I realized that my neighbors couldn't see me, my wife couldn't hear me, and it made me feel like I was camping.
A win/win/win situation. Plus, it gives me a sense of rebellion when I walk out the back door of my house naked and let it fly.
It's like letting my inner-5-year-old run free for a few minutes.
And as for masturbating in front of your grandparents? I stopped for about three months after my mom died, and then thought, "Who am I kidding?"
She owned a "neck massager" that probably hadn't gone above her waist in years.
I'm sure your grandma is shouting out her props every time your hands start to wander. I say go for it. They need something to entertain them while sitting on the clouds.
stacey: yeah, leave it to grant.
grant: I already thought men peed as fast as a garden hose.
advizor: my father-in-law pees outside. He says when he can't pee outside, it is time to move.
advizor: I choose not to because of a pact between me and hubbie. It makes us rely on each other for satisfaction.
A urinal is a toilet on a wall you can only pee in. It's only in men's restrooms. Kind of surprised you didn't know that. Here's a picture.
And a female urinal! LOL
~Jef
edge: I was sort of kidding.
Maybe I should take offense to her wanting a "fresh bowl" in our own home................? Hmmmm. Now I'm getting a complex! ha
I hear you have a gas problem at your house. Seems to be more important than wasting a little water.
Ha number 1 cracked me up. Funny how we view things. So what is worse having them watch you masturbate or dance under the sheets? EEW couldn't imagine that. Either way it would kill my mood.
Gloria Estefan's message to Fidel (and one of my favorites of hers)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfptuJtl4Rw
I'm lurvin your blog.
Your granny is gonna watch you masturbate? wow.
I used to never cuss, not even CRAP, not that crap is a cuss word, but that was how soapy my mouth was. Clean as a whistle. Now it's more like swamp land in southern Florida.
Thanks for stoping by my blog...
ssc: we dance on top of the sheets.
seattle: thanks for the vid.
flat coke: I am not much of a curser, either.
Well, when you have a Latina who only makes rice and beans, of course you're going to develop a gas problem. *sigh*
I just had someone tell me Friday that when you flush, all the germs and bacteria in the bowl go upward into the room. Said she'd been taught that in health class and that was a reason to keep your toothbrushes covered and always flush with the lid down. I have always kept my toothbrushes covered and we always keep the toilet lid down because of the animals, but I don't know if I keep it down before I flush, and what about all the public restrooms? Nasty thinking that the flush forces the germs and all upward...I choose to believe her teacher was an idiot.
~deb: touche'
kathi: yeah, I have heard about that. We keep our toothbrushes in a drawer - we have extra space so the toothbrushes can dry off. I don't know if I fully believe the toilet spray idea, though. It might be true, but I choose not to believe it.
Leesa - you said that you don't masturbate because, "I choose not to because of a pact between me and hubbie. It makes us rely on each other for satisfaction."
My wife and I are in that situation now but it's not working out at all. My level of desire is for 3-4 times a week, while she's good going every other week.
How do you and your hubbie balance out different levels of need?
I'd love to hear a blog entry about this, because it's a serious problem at my house right now.
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