Last week, I was exiting my local quickie stop as a woman was entering it. I noticed her not because I generally leer at women (~deb is an exception), but because she was wearing a shirt and no bra. White shirt, dark aureoles, no bra. Now, this woman was not big-chested. She reminded me of a friend who was a runner. I have a theory about runners. Women who like to run are generally flat-chested.
How the heck can you not know that people can see your nipples?
When I was younger, I wanted to be flatter. I developed young, so I guess I thought the "grass was always greener...." I always thought I could do more with less up there. I thought I could run faster, that I could be taken more seriously, that more men would stare at my eyes. I also thought I could increase my wardrobe options. Of course, dating a woman who wears the same dress size would increase my wardrobe as well. Well, just saying.
Then, the other day, The Peanut Queen tells us about a new bra that enables a woman to store wine in her own bra. Now, if you had small ta-tas, you could theoretically store more wine in your bra. Of course, at $29.95, the bras are probably less than supportive. Carrying an addition two pounds of boobage, though, might really look strange. I can imagine sloshing while walking. For me, if I am going to wear a wine bra, I am going to have enough wine to do some damage.
I have found popcorn in my bra before. If I was more flat chested, I don't think this would have ever been the case. Hey, I was in college, drunk, and watching art films with a bunch of friends. There are many reasons for having said popcorn in my bra. Don't judge me, man.
So basically, I have wanted to be flat-chested because:
1. I could run faster;
2. Men would look at my eyes;
3. I want to wear some wine bra that turns me from a woman into an alcoholic camel; and
4. I want to keep popcorn away from my boobs.
Maybe the grass looks greener, but it's only because of the horse poop used to fertilize it.