Thursday, July 26, 2007

Stupid Lindsay Lohan Skit

Lindsay Lohan was recently arrested, and one of the charges, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility, seemed to be a little knit-picky. I mean, I can see a lawyer try to argue out of this charge.

High-Paid Lawyer: Okay, Officer Lampley1, regarding the charge of transporting a narcotic into a custody facility. Did you, or did you not, take Ms. Lohan to the custody facility>

Officer Lampley: Yes, sir. But we were arresting her at the . . . .

High-Paid Lawyer: Please only answer the question asked. So in a sense, you were responsible for her entering the custody facility?

Officer Lampley: Yes, sir. But she was pursuing another car, driving under the . . . .

High-Paid Lawyer: Officer Lampley, please only answer the question asked. You can be held in contempt of court.

Judge: (groggily) Er, that's my job, high paid lawyer guy. I get to bang the gavel.

Officer Lampley: Judge, I can shoot him for you?

Judge: Officer Lampley, we don't shoot lawyers anymore.

High-Paid Lawyer: Officer Lampley, getting back to my questions. Did you ask Ms. Lohan to go to the custody facility with you?

Officer Lampley: Yes.

High-Paid Lawyer: If she did not go with you, you would have pursued her, correct? You would have charged her with resisting arrest?

Officer Lampley: Yes.

High-Paid Lawyer: Did you transport Ms. Lohan to the facility yourself?

Officer Lampley: Yes.

High-Paid Lawyer: Were you similarly charged with transporing the alleged cocaine in Ms. Lohan's alleged pocket.

Officer Lampley: No. But the coke was in her pocket?

High-Paid Lawyer: Have you ever seen Ms. Lohan wear anything with pockets?

1Okay, I have no idea what the name of the officer is, but I like the name Lampley. Not sure why, but I do.


~Deb said...


I totally feel bad for her in a way- because the media attacks everything. But, if you're in the public eye, you really have to consider keeping it under wraps. If I were her, I'd be drinking in my mansion- having a limo haul my arse everywhere. Why are these celebrities driving????????

RWA said...

"Have you evern see Ms. Lohan wear anything with pockets?"

Now THAT is a question I could definitely see her attorney asking.

Kat said...

Aggravates me how these talented young girls just throw it all away. But then there's a part of me that recognizes how lonely and isolated this kind of celebrity must make her feel.

QUASAR9 said...

lol Leesa,
It's not really about high pay
It's having the balls to stand up and say what you will, as long as you don't cross the line with the judge

In the end if the judge finds you in contempt of court (his court) don't matter if you are a high paid lawyer or the DA - it's His Court. He is God in his courtroom.

But that doesn't stop a high paid lawyer pissing all over the coppers (police), the witnesses or the prosecution in a case.

Did the victim jump repeatedly on the accussed's (hand held) knife?

PS - What happened about OJ Simpson
Did they ever sort that one, or did it just fade away like a worn out soap

mal said...

*L* love the dialog

what is with our attraction to these fools? People who have no real talent beyond court jester and we waste time following their antics.

I guess we are as guilty for going after the chum the media tosses into the water

Leesa said...

~deb: Were I a celeb, I would never drive another car!

rwa: you picked out my best line.

kat: hence today's post.

quasar: OJ was not found guilty. He should sort of disappear.

mal: I think it is sort of like the Jerry SPringer syndrome - people like to know there are some worse off than themselves.

richmanwisco said...

Officer Krupke woulda worked pretty well.

My father is a bastard,
My ma's an S.O.B.
My grandpa's always plastered,
My grandma pushes tea.
My sister wears a mustache,
My brother wears a dress.
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

Officer Krupke, you're really a slob.
This girl don't need a doctor, just a good honest job.
Society's played her a terrible trick,
And sociologic'ly she's sick!

Pittchick said...

LOL! Hey, maybe rehab for the third time will be the charm for her.