Monday, January 28, 2008

Little Girls Grow Up

Most of my adult friends are not the same age I am. They are either younger or older than I am. I have a good friend who has two children, her daughter who is mid 20s, and her son who is in college – I have a feeling he is younger than most seniors (skipped at least one grade).

Well, I first met the daughter when she was in middle school. She was shy, sweet, and an all-around-good-kid. As she matured, I mostly heard from her mother, about how she was becoming a young woman who had ideals that was not consistent with her upbringing. In other words, she became a teenager. She was into Martha Stewart (pre-pinstripe), her makeup, and making herself beautiful.

She went off to college, and I heard less about her. I heard that she was doing good, that she was loving college, then that she met a boy, and after she graduated, she started working, still seeing the same boy. She is a newlywed, and she radiates.

Funny thing is that she is not the innocent girl I once knew. She has a Facebook page, she openly talks about porn with her mom, she is a young woman now. Now, her mom is not really excited about some of the choices she has made, but they are open with each other. That's got to count for something.

I never talked to my mom about sex. Well, except for lying about not having sex – that made both of us feel better. At times, I wonder if it is not better to engage in frank discussions with our elders. Not sure. But it suits their relationship, even though it probably gives my friend a few more grey hairs.


Leesa said...

I didn't have one of those relationships with my mother either.
I'm not sure I could have.

I would hope maybe that's what big sisters would be for, even though I'm the big sister.

Then you rely on friends :)

Sister Sassy said...

Yikes! I NEVER had discussions with my mom about sex, my older sisters were the ones that told me everything. I still wouldn't talk to her about it, but she's 69 and could croak if she got to nervous or stressed.

But I do think openness is better, I have a book I swear to read before my kids reach their pre-teens called From Diapers to Dating. The forward is written by the authors 13 year old daughter and I liked what she said about her mom. Plus her mom is smart- she's a medical doctor I think. So anyway... sorry for rambling... lol

Anonymous said...

My mom and your mom are probably not baby boomers. The younger the parent the more open they are to talking. My parents were depression babies. There was NOOOOOO discussion of anything bad or controversial. You didn't talk about private things either.


Pittchick said...

I never talk to my mom, but I do talk to my dad. My thought always was, "If I can't tell my dad about it, then I probably shouldn't be doing it"
I think having open and honest relationships and dialogue with your parents, elders, whoever you trust is probably good in the long run.

Prata said...

Ah..the great sex talk with the parents. My father (my parents were divorced) always hinted that I should have sex. Well okay, by hinted I mean blatantly told me I should be out fucking. Cool. My mother and I spoke about sex twice in my life time. She told me to wait until I found someone I loved, she never said married. She said when I was ready and someone I loved.

When I got caught having sex by my girlfriend's mother, my mother chose that day to ask me if I was having sex and that I didn't necessarily have to answer the direct question, but if I was, to use protection. So I agreed and everything was happy.

Fast forward into my adulthood, We discussed that girl. Surprisingly, she did not crucify me over it. We had a long serious discussion.

グラント said...

Before I broke it off for good, I had one of those relationships wherein I was encouraged never to mention sex in front of my mother, and to feel embarrassed if a movie on TV said something about it in front of us. In fact, my parents never explained the birds & bees to me. What is this "sex" thing of which you speak?

Leesa said...

leesa: occasionally I wanted a big sister. Occasionally.

sassy: sounds like a good book.

pittchick: I always thought, "If I can't tell my priest about it in confessional, then I probably shouldn't be doing it."

prata: nice stories. I was told never to have sex before marriage. And definitely not before I was in college. I waited until college.

grant: sex is something you do after eating Chinese food. A tad overrated, really.

Frankly Speaking said...

My parents were open, and they left books and magazines around, too, but we still didn't talk about it much.

As a parent, I've had the philosophy that if my child is old enough to ask the question, then the child is old enough to get a straight answer. It has served us well. There are things their mother doesn't feel all that comfortable talking about, but I've told them quietly that I'd answer anything they want to know. They ask sometimes, but still not a lot. I think there is something to the generational divide that's good here. I think it's best for everyone if they think it's their generation that discovered sex and their parents were in the dark. Not true, but perhaps better for all our mental health.