Customer Service

A few years ago, I remember hearing about self-service grocery store check out lines. It was in an article in Money Magazine, I think, and the experts were saying that it would take care of some of the people purchasing ten items or less – but that's about it. And the companies were saying something about how they were employing technology to make it harder for shoplifters.

I was shopping yesterday, and it seemed that several of us were using the check-out area with a basketful of groceries. Well, small basketfuls.

And it occurred to me: the industry probably did not think it would catch on for larger shopping trips because of the wonderful customer service grocery stores provide. For me, I would like my eggs to arrive home in one piece – well, 12 pieces. But you get the idea.

I remember as a little girl going shopping with Dad. He had a way with the cashiers, always complimenting them, always chatting about this or that. And in return, they gave him wonderful customer service. Either that, or grocery store checkers were different. I don't know if that was the case – because I paid more attention to Saturday morning cartoons than to wondering about grown-ups.

I enjoy scanning my own groceries. Putting in the codes for plums, grapes, and cantaloupes. And the grocery store has a non-paid employee for five minutes or so. A win-win situation for both of us.

You know, customers are doing some things that employees used to do – not just scanning groceries. An early shift from employee to customer was in pumping our own gas. And, over the past several years, the IRS has us entering our own information into computers for them (electronic filing).

Me, I am not helping the IRS out by electronically filing. I figure that's what part of my tax dollars are for. But I will help out my grocery by scanning groceries. I even bag all of the cold items together and tip myself well.

What the SCHIP is going on, here?

The New York Times and The Boston Globe reported the following the other day:

A coalition of states (New Jersey, Maryland, Arizona, California, Illinois, New Hampshire, New York, and Washington) is challenging the Bush administration over new CMS rules that make it more difficult to extend State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) coverage to children in families with incomes at or above 250% of the federal poverty level. The states are mounting the challenge as Bush threatens to veto a compromise bill that would reauthorize and expand SCHIP and relax some of the recently imposed coverage limits.

CMS has the Federal Poverty Level Guidelines on its website, as follows:

Family Poverty 250% of
Size Level Poverty Level
1 10,210.00 25,525.00
2 13,690.00 34,225.00
3 17,170.00 42,925.00
4 20,650.00 51,625.00
5 24,130.00 60,325.00
6 27,610.00 69,025.00
7 31,090.00 77,725.00
8 34,570.00 86,425.00

Sorry if everything is not lined up – I used spaces and HTML will probably render them a mess.

I am not a liberal or a conservative. Well, not really. I guess for me, with a family size of 2, $13,690 seems like a pittance. It really does. But at 250% of poverty level, that sort of seems like it is either two people with minimal incomes, or someone in Georgia with about my income. Looking at the states involved, and it appears that most of them are in the "high cost" states. Well, I am not sure if I would have lumped Arizona, or Illinois (outside of Chicago), in those high cost states. But maybe they are.

Part of me is thinking that the government should not subsidize healthcare for people earning two-and-a-half times the poverty level. Seems to be a step towards socialized medicine. Not that I would turn it down.

I guess the way of looking at it is if I were a single parent making what I make, what would I do. I would of course take the benefit. But I would be an average single parent of one – and I am not sure the government should step in.

Crap, am I becoming libertarian? Oh, SCHIP, I hope not.

French, Anyone?

The other day, I was watching a movie. At the beginning of the movie, there was the international copyright notice, both in English and in French, the two international languages. Then I got to thinking, why English and French¹? I looked to see what the most common spoken languages are, and got this list (see below). I figure, if you are going to have two international languages, they might as well be popular languages.

1. Chinese, Mandarin  2. English  3. Spanish  4. Arabic  5. Bengali  6. Hindi  7. Russian  8. Portuguese  9. Japanese  10. German

11. Chinese, Wu 12. Javanese 13. Korean 14. French 15. Turkish 16. Vietnamese 17. Telugu 18. Chinese, Yue(Cantonese) 19. Marathi 20. Tamil

Look at the list real closely. Okay, I knew Mandarin was #1, and guessed that English was #2. French was #14, and there were lots of languages above French, including Javanese. Not Japanese, Javanese (as on the island of Java, part of Indonesia).

I guess I am wondering why we hear English and French during the Olympics. We should probably be hearing Mandarin and English. It would reach more people – especially since the next Olympics are in China.

For those of you going, I would bring many small (3 oz or less) tubes of toothpaste. Not sure I trust the flavoring of toothpaste in China. You go to Mexico and are warned about the water. I guess you go to China and they warn you about manufactured goods.

Still, in the dawn of the twenty-first century, I don't understand why we have French as an official language. Perhaps it is only because of the following popular French phrase²:

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?

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¹Yeah, I know, hundreds of years ago, the English, French and Spanish carved up the Americas and Africa.

²And if this is the reason for using French as the language, I guess we know which head the decision-makers were thinking with.

The Power of 10 Marriage

In the Power of 10, a new prime time game show, Drew Carey asked the following question: "What percentage of married Americans said they do not currently love their spouse at least as much as they did on their wedding day?" This was the $1,000 question (the first question), and the contestant said between 15 and 55% (they are given a 41 point range, though the show producers say it is a 40 point range). The answer was 9%.

Before I continue with this, I just wanted to say that I found out about Antenna Web, a site for the few of us who do not have cable or satellite television. It tells you what stations are in your are by zip code, and it tells you about angles. Okay, I have not clue about the angles, but it seems like a cool site.

Back to the Power of 10. Oh, and I heard it online instead of with rabbit ears. But I digress again. I guess I digress a lot.

When I listen to the show (while I am doing other things), I often guess on the percentages. And in this example, I knew the percentages were less than 50% (about the divorce rate). But of the other 50%, I figured half would have said that they loved their spouse at least as much. The figure I came up with was 23%. And I would have been wrong. Well, I would have placed the range between 3 and 43%, so I would have gotten the question right, but I would have been very wrong.

9% is pretty a skimpy number.

I was pretty happy with my hubbie on our wedding day – most people are, I suppose. Now, I don't know a way of measuring, in any quantifiable way, one's love for another. It is not like getting a blood pressure, or figuring out the pH of your soil. Actually, I know some girlfriends who wouldn't mind driving an aluminum testing meter through their husband's heart.

But if I could quantify my love for my husband, I would hope that the love was more than on the day I married him. Actually, I remember not being too pleased on the honeymoon, wondering if I had made a mistake. I had not noticed that he doesn't ask for directions (we were lost for hours because of this). I also recognized that we really didn't know how to fight at the time.

But our love grew after that. And I know I loved him more afterwards. Several years later, I can confidently say I loved him more. Of course, I loved him more then than I do now. Not that I don't love him. I would be in the 9% - in that lonely demographic, but I do wish that our love did not wane. Because it was better than it is now.

I guess infidelity does that to a couple. I trusted him completely, and, you know, he trusted me as well. I guess we did not deserve to be trusted. Not that simple, of course, but that's what I was thinking about now.

I want to love my husband more now than ever. I mean, that's what is supposed to happen. I wonder if the questions were as follows: "What percentage of married Americans said they currently love their spouse as much as they ever did?" I want to be one of those people. Yeah, I know we all control our own thoughts, but darned it, I want to be one of those rare ones. I want my marriage to be extraordinary.

Random Friday #9

I have started and stopped Random Friday a couple of times, not really being focussed on the effort. Colleen, on the other hand, has just celebrated her 100th Thursday Thirteen. Now that is quite impressive. I have counted my random Friday posts, and I was surprised this was only number nine.

Drugs
If I were some drug-selling pusher, I would have my "office" behind a Walgreens. That way, when some dope head figures they will go to the drug store to score some more weed, I can get their business. Why hasn't anyone else figured this one out, yet? Oh, and kids, don't do drugs.

Lie Machines
You know, if we could tell when people are lying, less people would try to lie. And the world would be a better place – though the politicians would be more interesting to hear.

"Vote for me. I will try not to raise taxes, but in the end, bribes from special interest groups will force me to change my mind. Then, when they take me to task in the media, I will retreat with my mistress to Camp David."

Animal Print Undies
What is the deal with animal print undies? I mean, I know, a long time ago, we wore animal skins. Well, not me, but our ancestors. Still, why the fascination with animal skins. It just reminds me of the 70s, before killing endangered species for economics or sport was frowned upon.

Crackling Records
Earlier this week, I linked to a YouTube video for American Pie. And at the beginning of the recording, you could hear the crackling of the record. You know, in the twenty years or so since CDs were mass marketed, I have sort of forgotten about the sounds of a record. I listened to American Pie several times, and it made me feel good. The music sounded better – not clearer or anything. It sounded like music I grew up with.

Jumping on Beds
Growing up, I had a record player (not a turntable) in my room. And we listened to 45s every day. But we did not just listen to records, we experienced them. We would take our shoes off, put on a stack of 45s, and just jump to the music on the bed. I do not recommend doing this as an adult (a trip to the ER would dampen my spirits).

Google Definitions
The other day I saw a comment in mememolly's YouTube account that said, "I am a 'Molly' too." So what did I do? I used Google and typed in "define:Molly" to see what the definition of that type of Molly was. Well, the first definition came back with was "fourth grade student, in Ms. Malvin's class at Worley Elementary, who asked a question for the crew of the S.S. Enterprise about where waste goes." Well, I clicked on the link to the page to see exactly what this was - the definition looked a little too specific. Well, the definition was for "McCook, Molly", and it was part of a Star Trek Enterprise online dictionary. Well, I guess I have two take-away points from this experience: (1) The woman who said she was a molly too must be a female mule, and (2) there is a lot of strange stuff on the Internet.

Pat Benatar
Every time I hear "Love is a Battlefield", I wonder about Pat Benatar and her love life. And as I type this, I can hear Prata's voice in my head. He would be wondering why I am thinking about Pat Benatar, when Holly Knight wrote the song. Fair enough, but I still wonder about the song.

Numerology
I like numbers. If two bad things happen in the news, I always am looking for a third. Something to do with the old wives' tale, "Bad news comes in threes." I stay the heck away from seven dwarfs. Sevens, forties, sixes¹, forty-twos², many prime numbers. Lots of numbers are special. But you know what, numerology is a bunch of bunk.

Reunions
I have successfully ducked every high school reunion I have had thus far. It is not that I don't want to see these people. I guess I just don't want them to know what I have been up to. I have seen some of my classmates in the news. Not being led off in handcuffs, but actually doing great things. Well, things that bring attention to themselves.

Learning Flemish
Has anyone you know, love or respected said they wanted to learn Flemish? No, me neither. Sounds like the native speakers should live in a country called Flem, which Americans would spell Phelm, and would not know that it was located in northern and western Belgium.

Katherine Heigl's Emmy
Katherine Heigl's mother told her she "didn’t have a chance in hell" of winning the Emmy. But Katherine Heigl also said that her mother is very supportive. Not sure those words are necessarily supportive. Can you imagine going to your little girl's softball game and telling her, "Sweetie, I can't believe you actually hit the ball"? After saying, for good measure, "you didn't have a chance in hell of hitting the ball."

Maybe not. I feel so random today.

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¹A perfect number. The proper divisors (1, 2, and 3) both add and multiply to get 6.

²A primary pseudoperfect number.

Bloggers Unite Against Abuse

I received a message in my inbox yesterday morning.

Thousands of bloggers from around the world are joining together this Thursday, September 27th with a single message: Stop Abuse!

BlogCatalog would love for you to be one of them!

On Thursday, September 27th, post about any abuse topic you care about - child abuse, domestic abuse, animal abuse, drug abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, political abuse - and let the world know you stand united with thousands of bloggers as part of the Bloggers Unite "Blog Against Abuse" campaign. Depending on your topic, you can even link to local, regional, national, or international organizations that you care about or support. Every post will count!

And I got to thinking. What kind of abuse could I write about to affect change? Or change people's minds? I started thinking about child abuse. Horrible abuse of people who cannot protect themselves, but most of us – all of us, really, except a few outliers – know that abusing children is wrong. People who abuse children don't tell their neighbors, blog about it, or want people to know they are doing it. So they know it is wrong already but do it nonetheless. Elder abuse is pretty much the same thing. Not that it is the same as child abuse, but people know its wrong, some do it anyway, most people are against it. And Michael Vick did more for animal abuse awareness than I could ever do.

The Princeton Dictionary defines abuse this way:

• mistreat: treat badly; "This boss abuses his workers"; "She is always stepping on others to get ahead"
  
• pervert: change the inherent purpose or function of something; "Don't abuse the system"; "The director of the factory misused the funds intended for the health care of his workers"
  
• maltreatment: cruel or inhumane treatment
  
• use foul or abusive language towards; "The actress abused the policeman who gave her a parking ticket"; "The angry mother shouted at the teacher"
  
• a rude expression intended to offend or hurt; "when a student made a stupid mistake he spared them no abuse"; "they yelled insults at the visiting team"
  
• misuse: improper or excessive use
  
• use wrongly or improperly or excessively; "Her husband often abuses alcohol"; "while she was pregnant, she abused drugs"

I guess I will use the maltreatment form of the word, as that is the meaning I think they mean by this blog effort.

I have witnessed many bloggers, vloggers and such, and at times, they type things, say things, write things, and respond to things when they want to change a little part of the world. They say things, create things, and I sometimes wonder if anything really changes. They might raise some money for breast cancer, for disabled troops, coming back from Iraq, maybe. Mostly they self-pontificate, say things they believe, of course, but their words, their videos, their voice, their actions do little to change things.

So here I sit, pondering, wondering what type of abuse I write about will make an impact on any of my readers. What type of maltreatment can one write about, that when read, or experienced, can change someone's mind. Because that's what I would want to do, change someone's mind to something.

I have been guilty of maltreatment. I have. While I have not been fighting dogs, I have been unfaithful. And if you are talking about maltreatment, I cannot think of a worse way to treat someone you love. Someone you swore before God and family that you were going to cherish forever. Well, beating your child, beating your wife or husband, that would be worse. But to cheat on your spouse, it is a form of abuse and not many people see it that way.

When you look into your spouse's eyes after finally telling them you were unfaithful, you see the hurt in their eyes, and I don't know how you don't see it as abuse. Well, initially, I did not see it as abusive, but the more I pondered what I had done, there was an element of abuse to my infidelity.

On more than one occasion, I have stressed that the momentary thrill you will feel with the sex, the acceptance you hope to get, whatever drives the infidelity, is not worth it. It poison's your soul and abuses your spouse. We just don't use those words because the abuse is "not intentional." I don't care if most people don't believe this classifies as abuse. It is, and if someone reads this and decides not to do something they will regret, I will be overjoyed.

And if you just go home tonight and keep a promise, not just to a spouse, but to your child, your dog, your goldfish, I would be happy with that. More importantly, you should be happy with that.

Little Things

When I was a little girl, I can remember a few discussions about "being rich." Not philosophical discussions about how our religion makes our lives rich. I am talking about hypothesizing what we would do if we had lots of money.

My answer, the answer I can remember decades later, is that I would have store-bought hangers in my closet. My mother pressed on, suggesting I could buy more with millions.

I thought for a second, cocked my head, and said, "I would also want some cedar blocks to put in my closet." And I was completely serious.

As a middle schooler, I thought that the little things were what was important. Okay, I had not had a class on finance, economics or common sense. But still, I would purchase hangers if I became rich. Yeah, I am a big spender.

I have traveled to Europe, and although I did see many nice things – castles, churches, artwork – I can remember the taste of an Italian Ice, the feeling of relaxing like a Parisian in a park, the smell of lavender in the linens in a B&B near London.

Even my college days, I remember the little things. I remember the type of ball-point pens I used, the feel of writing in composition books, dancing in dingy bars, the sticky beer making squeaky noise between loud songs.

The smell of rain five minutes before the sky opens up.

The taste of my first meal in my first apartment. The turkey sandwich tasted so sweet because it was my turkey, my whole wheat bread, my tomato and my new apartment.

Today I remember the little things. And when I get home, I will offer up three little words to my husband. After all, it is the little things that count.

Bad Luck, Determinism, and Irreverence

The Day the Music Died
Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson all went down in a plane crash on February 3, 1959. Okay, we all know this from Don McLean's rock ballad, "American Pie".

What I did not know is that Buddy Holly chartered a plane to take him and his newly formed Crickets band (Tommy Allsup and Waylon Jennings) to Fargo, North Dakota.¹ Richie Valens and "The Big Bopper" were not supposed to be on the plane. "The Big Bopper" came down with the flu and didn't feel comfortable on the bus, so Jennings gave his plane seat to him. Rickie Valens had never flown on a small plane and requested Tommy Allsup's seat. They flipped a coin, and Valens called heads and won the toss.



So in a sense, we could say the following about the plane crash:

1. The flu can be deadly to healthy adult males. Forgive me, Mr. Richardson.
2. Tommy Allsup cheated death with a coin flip. Were I him, I would make all decisions with coin tosses. Okay, over the top.
3. I guess people who believe in determinism would say, "See, we are right. Nana, nana, boo boo." Determinists can be childish.
4. The plane crash inspired one awesome song.

You know, sometimes I wonder about myself. I type some irreverent things, and some could be hurt by these things. I guess it is a mechanism for dealing with them.

Oh, that was a little bit off track.

When I was looking for the YouTube clip, I tripped upon a video by Madonna. What is this world coming to? Madonna² performing a Don McLean song.

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¹I never saw Fargo. Was any of this in the movie? Did they make the movie in North Dakota as a subliminal message to the day the music died? Are there any coin tosses in the movie? Are there any determinists acting childish in the movie? I think I need to rent this movie.

²I really don't have a problem with Madonna. She is a talented singer, albeit a (good) self-promoter. Evita was terrific. I guess I want to give her grief for tonguing Britney Spears. She should have had the class to tongue Shakira and her truthful hips.

Heather Michele O'Rourke and Childhood Awards

The other day, I was watching a YouTube video that had picures of famous people and their birth and death dates. Must have been some sort of a tribute video. Well, I saw this one girl, who died very young, and she looked familiar, but I could not place her.

Using my mastery of Google, I found her, and I really found her on a sort of creepy site (Find a Grave).

Thing is, I thought was Heather Michele O'Rourke (the little girl in the Poltergeist movies) was Drew Barrymore. Okay, okay, I mixed up Poltergeist and ET (the Extra Terrestrial, not Entertainment Tonight). She sort of looked like the little girl in the Witch Mountain movies, as well (Kim Richards).

She died of "cardiopulminary arrest due to intestinal stenosis". That's fancy for her having an intestinal block, it getting infected, and this leading to a type of heart attack. I read the one page biography by Kit and Morgan Benson, and I was taken aback by the final sentence: "Of her many achievements, Heather stated that she was proudest of being elected student body president of her 5th grade class in 1985."



My take away point: what you expect people to be most proud of may not be what they themselves are most proud of. I won an award in fifth grade, and to this day, I am so proud of that little laminated award. Sometimes laminated paper trumps plaques, fame, or fortune.

Vertical Day

From the Campaign of Mike Huckabee:

On Monday, our campaign has set aside 24 hours, for what we are calling a “Vertical Day”. The focus of Vertical Day will be a discussion of the most important issues facing America. The plan is to promote my positions on these issues through video and personal blogs, and to have an online conversation with voters about our ideas, the solutions we see possible, our hopes for America and the challenges we face.

I’d like you to be a part of Vertical Day. I encourage you to tell your friends, family members and co-workers about it and ask them to participate. Vertical Day will start on Monday, September 24 and end on Tuesday, Sept. 25. I’m excited about this opportunity. With your help, and the power of the Internet, we will be able to involve thousands of voters all across America and truly build excitement around this discussion of issues.

Vertical Day is scheduled to start at 10 AM Central Time¹. Websites will post content throughout the day and evening, focusing on the issues of the day. Unfortunately, only Huckabee supporters will probably participate, and well, how many people can that be, like 226²?

Actually, perhaps people should blog about campaign reform, because it seems like most good candidates (I don't know if he is good or bad) can't stomach running for the most important offices. Oh, and an unofficial blog, but the one that gets the most hits for Huckabee doesn't have anything yet for today, but has a Budweiser Commercial clip from yesterday.

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¹9AM regular time, also known as Eastern Time.

²I counted the number of bloggers linked to his blog. Well, the blog his campaign maintains.

Gibbs' Rules

I really enjoy NCIS.

It is well-written, smart, and I enjoy the character development.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs is the senior field agen of a Naval Criminal Investigation Service (NCIS) team; well, from what I have seen, he is second to the Director of the entire NCIS organization. In many of the episodes, there is conversation about some of Gibbs' Rules, rules that are not written down but that his team is in the process of learning. In "Switch" (Episode 304) we find out that there are "about 50 Rules", but we don't find out exactly what all the rules are.

Thanks to Google, here are the rules thus far (please note that a couple, rule 1 and 3) are repeated, and the rules are different). This is either a mistake by the writers (which I doubt), or this may indicate that Gibbs internally changes the numbering of the rules, perhaps based on their relative importance to him.

Rule #1: Never let suspects stay together.
Episode 101 "Yankee White"

Rule #1: Never screw over your partner.
Episode 414 "Blowback"

Rule #2: Always wear gloves at a crime scene.
Episode 101 "Yankee White"

Rule #3: Don't believe what you're told. Double check.
Episode 101 "Yankee White"

Rule #3: Never be unreachable.
Episode 313 "Deception"

Rule #4: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best.
Episode 414 "Blowback"

Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie.
Episode 123 "Reveille"

Rule #8: Never take anything for granted.
Episode 310 "Probie"

Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife.
Episode 113 "One Shot, One Kill" and Episode 120 "Missing"

Rule #12: Never date a coworker.
Episode 115 "Enigma"

Rule #18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
Episode 304 "Silver War"

Rule #22: Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation.
Episode 410 "Smoked"

Rule #23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live.
Episode 209 "Forced Entry"

Random Friday

Two posts today, because of a meme. Scroll down if you want to see the meme.

Back when my blogs were good, I would have Randomness Friday - I would call it something different each time, partly because I did not remember what I started calling it, partly because the randomness was cute. Or so I thought.

Some thought I did this to showcase my cleverness - actually it was because I have trouble finishing thoughts.

Certain Movie Titles
When I was in college, I was invited to a party. Okay, I was invited to lots of parties (everyone was), but this one was an "Octopussy" Party. It was supposed to be some sort of a take on the James Bond movie, but instead of inviting Russian secret agents, each frat boy was required to invite 8 women to the party. Well, my idea of a party is not a poor ratio of men to women – plus, I always got embarrassed with the name of the movie.

Another movie that I never saw was "Josie and the Pussycats." Another title that was a bit embarrassing and a movie with a bad male to female star ratio.

Turning Hate to Love
I saw a blog the other day, and it really opened my eyes. Well, maybe it did not open my eyes, but I loved reading the entry. It was about someone who grew up Christian who turned to Islam. From hating people of a religion to turning to that religion. Now, I may find fault with the person's logic, but to turn hate to love is wonderful.

Bitter Mr. Stewart
I saw a Rod Stewart quote the other day, and well, I can tell you that he is no Heraclitus. ². Please remember Rod Stewart has had women (and probably a fair amount of men) throw themselves at him since he was old enough to notice. Heraclitus probably was not as lucky, so he had more time to use his head.

<--Insert Sexual Innuendo Here-->

Anyway, here is the quote:

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
- Rod Stewart

WoW
I don't really get World of Warcraft (WoW). I mean, not playing video games probably has something to do with it, but still. Part of me is fascinated though. To have some sub-culture I know nothing about . . . . Well, seems that WoW has parties. Well, BlizCom had a party, and there was a WoW costume contest. My favorite picture is embedded in the blog entry. It is just seeing two people dressed in appropriate attire, with some guy (notice the shorts), some geeky guy, standing between them. Classic. Most of my readers would rather see the two hot chicks, probably. I am guessing these contestants are not WoW people. Not really. Their thumbs don't look like they play video games.

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¹ Since I never saw the plot summary, I have included it for the general reading audience. Just-in-case they want rent the movie.

²Heraclitus said "You cannot step into the same river twice." (not Pocahontas) and "Change alone is unchanging."

Seven Ps in a Pod

You know, Ian asked me to do a meme. I don't think Ian likes me very much. Well, I am supposed to write about seven "p" words. The first thing that came to mind was the number seven. Since it is a meme, I figured seven was chosen to represent the number of gateways traversed by Inanna during her descent into the underworld. Okay.

Pandora's Jar. When I was in high school, I learned about Pandora's Box. Yeah, thanks Greeks, blaming the evils of the world on a woman's womb. Nice. But what I remember most is in college, learning that Erasmus of Rotterdam (I have always loved the word "Rotterdam") mistranslated Hesiod's poem – substituting box for jar.

Since that time, I no longer trusted the public educational system. Something mistranslated centuries ago endures to this day. Oh, and the words for jar (in Greek) and box (in Latin) both start with P. Newspapers bury corrections on page 16, and apparently historians bury mistakes completely.

Only Hope was left within her unbreakable house,
she remained under the lip of the jar, and did not
fly away. Before [she could], Pandora replaced the
lid of the jar. This was the will of aegis-bearing
Zeus the Cloudgatherer.

Peccadillo. Yeah, I am Catholic, and since peccadillo can be translated into "little sin," many of you might have guessed I would chose this word. I love the way the word sounds, and I love the fact that everybody I know has these little faults. I think of them as warts, though I don't have any warts. But I have a peck of peccadillos.

Preppy. When I was in high school, preppy was in. I wore some preppy clothes, and looking back on things, I wish I had been born in a different age. I would have loved to be a teenager in the 50s, but then I would be seventy or seventy-five by now. Okay, I can't do the math right now. Sock hops and puddle skirts, really good music, and perceived innocence. Izod® shirts were part of my history.

Perfection. Some people strive for perfection. I sometimes wonder if perfection is the enemy of progress. I see people working on projects, planning and meeting, working towards the perfect plan. But then they don't do anything because of this or that. If their sites were set on good instead of great (or perfect), maybe more people would succeed. I am not a fan of perfection.

Pooh Bear. When I was growing up, my parents read a lot of AA Milne to me. I loved listening to the adventures of Pooh, Christopher Robin, Piglet and the whole gang of the Hundred Acre Wood. I did not have a favorite, but since the headliner was Pooh, I am using his P for my meme. Pooh was a philosopher (another P word), and I love his outlook on life. I love his voice. I love his perspective. He makes me feel comfortable.

Privacy. Privacy was not really an issue when I was growing up. I look around, and I think it is a big issue now. You can't go to a store without people asking for your phone number when you pay cash for an item. I once had someone say that I could not buy something for cash if I did not provide them with a phone number. And I was paying cash. I left the store. On the way out, the cashier said, "You could use a fake phone number."

I turned to say, "That is not the point."

Promise. I keep promises. I don't make many of them, but I keep them when I make them. I think that is important. It is an important P word.

Movie Exec Secrets

For many years, many movie studio executives shared a secret. And the secret's name was Epagogix. Problem was that some senior executive (Copaken could be the name) was showing off to Malcolm Gladwell (author of The Tipping Point), bragging how this company could predict how a movie would perform at the box office before the movie was released.

More incredibly, when looking at various factors that determined box office success, the actors really did not matter all that much. Location of the movie, where it was set, the number of different locations, that sort of thing, had much more to do with box office success, than other things. I mean, it turns out that Angelina Jolie's puffy lips have less to do with box office success than a location, such as Los Angeles or Rio De Janeiro.¹

Now I don't know too much about any of this, but the point is that we are in a world where there is so much data out there. And people are just now figuring out how to use this data. Simple regression analysis can tell you things that, years ago, nobody knew. Think about it – companies have data on their servers that can tell us by moving toothpaste to a higher shelf, how many more tubes will be sold. Powerful data.

Please take a breath.

This should scare the crap out of you.

We all think we are unpredictable, but with enough data, computer nerds now can make expressions that can accurately predict human behavior.

Please take a breath. I am sure some mathematical expression know I would type that. I am going back to bed now.

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¹Okay, I don't know if Los Angeles is good or bad for a movie. Rio De Janeiro has to be good (Brazilian waxes and all). But you get the point.

A Meme by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet

Colleen asked me to do a meme the other day, and I normally don't respond to these types of things (most memes seem a bit on the lame side), but since this meme dealt with writing, I decided to participate. Musing Woman actually started the meme, and I will have to admit, it seems a bit clever.

Oh, and part of the reason I like this is that it deals with strengths. The other day, I saw a bunch of videos concerning "Favorite People", and most of the videos had people saying, "Nope, I am nobody's favorite." That seemed sad, and I did not explain why in the blog entry. Sure, kids are getting patted on the back for doing substandard stuff, but most of us don't focus on our strengths.

Anyway, the meme concerns listing five strengths in our writing:

1. I observe the world. I really like observing others, asking what makes them tick. Or wondering what makes people tick. I enjoy telling other people's stories.

2. I understand grammar and break the rules on purpose. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I understand about nouns, verbs, pronouns, capitalizations, comma faults, dangling participles and the like. Now I don't always follow the rules, but I know most of them and follow them often. Sometimes following the rules interrupts thoughts and ideas. Then I break the rules. The first speeding ticket I ever got I had no idea I was speeding. Sort of sucked. I mean, I want to know when I am breaking the rules – and speeding without the joy of knowing I was a bad-ass, was less thrilling for me. Same goes with writing.

3. I love analogies. I think in terms of making connections. And when I explain something, I often use analogies to explain myself. That way, I can use fewer words, or more vivid images, to convey my point. Hopefully, this strategy also gives the reader a way of remembering when he or she has read in the future.

4. I have been told I have a good voice as a writer. Some people enjoy reading my stuff because it seems familiar, like long conversations at the end of a party when you are cleaning up. My writing style is not terribly structured and formal, and people can follow what I am trying to say. Well, most of the time.

5. I love adjectives, but I don't let them get in the way of a good paragraph. Have you ever read something that was hindered by the use of excessive adjectives? The blatant and obfuscatory misuse of adjectives tends to elongate and complicate rather simple sentences and ideas. I have a thesaurus, but I don't really think my readers appreciate having to figure out long and complicated sentences or go to a dictionary twice in the same paragraph.

Okay, this was a fairly straightforward post. There were a lot of strengths that I did not mention, partly because it would have turned this meme into a humorous piece. I could have said the following:

1. I write a lot about lesbians, and lesbians are so "in" right now. I hope this does not offend, really. I guess I really think a lot about lesbianism. And it shows in my writing.

2. I went through a slutty period, and let's face it, sex sells. If I look at my blog entries, people like when I talk about more sexual issues. Who would have thought? But if you are not Marquis de Sade or D. H. Lawrence, people who write about sex are normally not good writers.

3. I masterfully use Google. You can be an expert on anything if you know how to use Google. I mean, take it from me, Google is making "know-it-alls" out of a lot of people who would normally be of average intelligence. And those who know SQL are "gods". Well, that was a little bit over the top.

4. I don't like saying the "P-word" and guys think that's cute. I also don't curse all that often, and it gives my writing a bit of freshness. I just don't want to be accused of having potty mouth.

5. I don't plagiarize because I can't remember anything I read. Actually, there are some really successful people who plagiarize. Well, they are less successful once they get caught.

6. I know when to stop writing. Crap, this post is too long.

Beginnings

You know, whenever I start a blog entry, my heart begins to race. For more often than not, I have no idea what I am to write about. And after typing the first sentence, I sometimes am surprised as to what sentence follows. For when you read my blog entries, you may know where I am to go, but I will let you know that the destination is normally a mystery to me.

In a similar vane, I love starting over. I have noticed that Lisa, one of the most prolific blogger I know, has started again and again and again. Okay, the forth time is a bit secret, but, there is another again for this blogger. But for me, I don't really want to start a new blog. It is just too much work for me.

I have tweaked my blog several times, and after a few times, I am satisfied with the way my blog looks now. And you know, it really matters little what the blog looks like. Just as long as I can click on the "New Post" and start a new beginning.

I guess instead of starting a new blog, I have the pleasure of beginning something every work day. I did not see that coming, but I suppose many of you did. I normally try and type one page, but I wanted to make but a short journey today. Sometimes short walks are as pleasurable as long, rambling strolls.

Playing Favorites

The other day I heard someone ask, "Are you anyone's favorite person?" Actually, it was asked by a vlogger named mememolly¹, and until that moment, I did not get her name. Now, I understand her name, and I have been thinking about the question.

Other than my spouse (I think that is a bit of cheating, and parents ["We love each of you the same amount, and none of you is our favorite"²]), I am not sure I am anybody's favorite. In the past, I have been others' favorite – and at times, I have been lucky enough to have been more than someone's favorite at one time. And that feeling was pretty terrific.

I remember in primary school³ that being someone's favorite or having a favorite was a big deal. Each week, there was drama concerning, "Molly is my best friend, now" or "Molly is in the doghouse. Jenny is my best friend now." "Hey, Laura, you can't speak to Jan. We aren't her friends any more."

Okay, guys may not relate to this, but for girls, this was a big part of growing up. Actually, I think guys sort of have the right idea. They don't sign up for all of this drama. After one guy disappoints another guy, they don't stop being friends forever. They just punch each other on the arm, and say, "We're cool, huh?"

I guess this is "the grass is greener" syndrome.

I guess when I was younger, I needed to be somebody's favorite. Now, not so much. When I was younger, I loved fish stick. Now, not so much.

Ramen
Someone the other day thought it necessary to define Ramen for me. I mean, when I was in college, I lived off of Ramen for a year. You could buy it in Styrofoam cups, and it cost like ten cents per cup on sale. Normal price may have been, okay, I don't know what normal price was. I bought everything on sale.

Thing was, you could have a cup of it almost anytime since all you needed was hot water. And I was always in hot water in college. No, that's not what I meant. I can remember coming home from clubbing, and sometimes we would be so hungry – especially towards the end of the month, when no one had any money. And we would sit around eating Ramen.

You know, now I would rather be like Ramen – always there when someone needed me – than somebody's favorite. I am strange, that way.

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¹A meme can be described as "an idea, project, statement or even a question that is posted by one blog and responded to by other blogs. Although the term encompasses much of the natural flow of communication in the Blogosphere, there are active bloggers and blog sites that are dedicated to the creation of memes on a regular basis"

²Have you heard this from a parent, and then thought, "Hey, Jennifer is your favorite, you know, she got that really cute dress."? Well, I don't have a sister named Jennifer, so I have not thought that, but you know what I mean. Actually, my parents were pretty great about not playing favorites.

³Don't I sound a bit English with that statement?

Feeling Guilty

You know, I feel a bit guilty about 9-11. Not that I had anything to do with the terrorist activities associated with 9-11. Not that at all.¹

I remember watching a lot of coverage, and many people called the people in the twin towers heroes. And there were heroes in the twin towers that day, but just because you were working on a floor and were killed, it does not make you an automatic hero.

Many people who were killed that day were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most who were killed did not wake up in the morning and say they would sacrifice themselves for others.

I remember hearing about a priest who arrived on the scene to give comfort to the injured and dying. Someone who jumped off the building hit him, killing him (the jumper, of course, would have died, no matter what happened). Now I am not saying the jumper tried to kill the priest . . . . That was not the point. But the priest was a hero. He ran towards a dangerous situation, not retreating from it.

People say there were 3,000 heroes² that died that day. Now, a bunch of people died, but not all of them were heroes. And I think of that every time I hear that. I don't know if I would be a hero – if I were on the United Flight 93, from Newark, New Jersey, to San Francisco, California, I don't know what I would have done that day.

I am not saying that we should not mourn for the people who died on that day. Even on YouTube, there has been a lot on death lately. A video here and there. And I added to the clutter by writing about it as well.

Getting back to my guilt. Since I am Catholic, I know a lot about guilt.

I remember 9-11 like it was yesterday.³ I remember what I was doing when I found out the planes hit the World Trade Center. I listened in horror as newscasters explained what they were seeing, and we got a very incomplete picture of what was going on. I remember hearing that all flights were grounded – that there were still, as one point, eight unaccounted for aircraft. I remember hearing stories of the first victims, and I remember thinking, "I will always value my friends and family more now."

And you know what, over time, I forgot about that promise. I had resolved to do things differently. And, over time, much like people in Congress, I forgot about my resolve.

So on 9-11, I think about some heroes, wonder why we use the word so freely, and remember that I once resolved to make some changes in my life. Yeah, I know many people have written eloquently about 9-11. Me, I wanted to wait a few days. Because of the guilt, I suppose, plus I wanted give people the chance to remember 9-11 without my unnatural thoughts entering the day.

One thing on 9-11 that I did find disturbing – I was listening to the radio, and there was a moment of silence. Well, the moment of silence lasted about three seconds. Either the announcer that was reading skipped the directions (pause for one minute), or the radio station did not want dead air or was cheap. No matter what the case, having that moment (3 seconds) of silence did not seem to meet the spirit of what a moment of silence is for.

<--- Insert prosaic and philosophical closing here. Perhaps steal it from Jay Leno show. --->

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¹I think I have unwittingly made it on to someone's watch list. In 24 hours, I am sure my phone will be bugged, and the next time I go to the airport, I will get pulled over to do the body cavity search. Do they really do the body cavity search in real life? That's just in Wayne's World movies, right?

²Well, a good estimate is 2,996 dead. Not sure if that is the right number, but it is a reasonable number.

³Some are saying, hey, it was only a few days ago. Yeah, funny man, get your own blog. Actually, I was referring to 9/11/2001.

Leesa Springbutt and Yahoo Answers

I have a confession to make: I was the girl in class that always answered questions from the teacher. Yeah, I was little miss springbutt, always with my hand in the air, always wanting to answer questions.

And, guess what? Well, I just found Yahoo Answers, where you can log onto the site and answer other people's questions. Google had a site where you could get paid for answering questions, but it did not really catch my attention. Was it Google? Maybe Yahoo or someone else?

Anyway, I logged onto it the other day, just playing around, and I started answering questions. I answered five or six questions, then thought better of my time. Well, tonight I am informed, one of the question askers rated my answer the best answer of the bunch.

Here is the question. Drum Roll please.

Does she have lesbian tendancies?
A few months back my girlfriend approached me with the idea of wanting to see what I would look like with makeup. She wanted to apply it and possbily (sic) dress me in her lingere (sic) before making love. So what do you think?

Sooo. According to Yahoo Answers, I am an expert in lesbianism. Straight Catholic girl an expert on whether some guy's wife has lesbian tendencies.

Oh, and my answer: the other night when she came over, she did not make a move on me during the bra-and-panty-clad pillow fight. So I think she does not have lesbian tendencies, though she has really good taste in bra-and-panty sets.

Okay, not really. I mean, I really answered the question, but my answer was more heart-felt.

My real answer: I am a clinical psychologist at Duke Medical Center, and I do not believe your wife shows lesbian tendencies. But you want her to, don't you? You want her in a threesome, don't you?

Okay, another BS answer. Not my real answer either. ¹

I sort of want to post questions myself.

Possible question: I just got over a really bad relationship with a celebrity. Trouble is, I took lots of nude pictures of him, and now I am torn. Do I just discard the evidence, or do I sell the pictures to a tabloid for $50K? What are the moral and legal implications?

Possible question: What is the safest way to remove a light bulb from my lover's anus? He is married and cannot go to the ER, and we have to remove it without leaving marks? His wife is a bit near-sighted and not very bright. His anus, of course, is not very bright either – no electricity.

You know, there are hundreds of ways to waste the day at work with an Internet connection. This is just one way to do so for the show-off² in me.

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¹Okay, the real question can be found here. And I found the answer under recent questions, not "homosexual, bisexual, and transgendered." I just looked under recent questions, regardless of my expertise in the matter. And, by the way, were I homosexual, bisexual or transgendered, it would piss me off to be linked to the other two categories. I mean, really. Oh, and since I wrote this, I was the best answer for two other posts - one on pregnancy (and I have never been pregnant) and one on retirement (and my retirement plan is either to stay married or become a bag lady).

²Oh, and people who comment on blogs are sort of springbutts too, did you notice? Springbutt = someone who springs up to answer a question, sort of like there is a spring in their butt. Oh, and my most clever answer to date.

The Ghost of Mrs. Leesa

The other day, I had the most non-Catholic conversation with my nephew. Okay, I am the cool, kid-less aunt, but I am also the Catholic aunt, so I am not sure I am totally proud of the conversation. Oh, and I have changed his name.

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Duncan: Aunt Leesa, do you believe in ghosts?

Leesa: Pardon me? (I often say "pardon me" or another filler in order to give me time formulate a good answer.)

Duncan: Aunt Leesa, do you believe in ghosts?

Leesa: Well, Duncan, when I was a little girl, I thought ghosts were just made up. That they were created to scare children. But I was wrong.

Duncan: Really?

Leesa: Yes, when I was a little girl, I lost my great-grandmother. She had many grandchildren (oh, and in the conversation, I did say grandchildren when I should have said great-grandchildren), but I was her first great-granddaughter. The only one she ever met. A few months after she died, I was missing her terribly. One night, I was thinking of her, missing her terribly, when I saw her. She told me to wipe my eyes, that she did not like tears.

Duncan: And?

Leesa: Well, my tears turned to giggles. She did hate crying, and it reminded me that she would tickle me when I cried. As a ghost, she was translucent, and over the course of a few minutes, she was gone. I guess I did not need her anymore.

Duncan: So you really believe in ghosts?

Leesa: Yeah, I guess I do.

Duncan: And they don't like the light, right?

Leesa: Well, Duncan, I saw my great-grandmother in the early evening, but I suspect that ghosts are around us all of the time. We just can't see them. And in the daylight, it may be harder to see a translucent ghost, sort of like you don't see the stars in the daytime even though they are in the sky.

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And our conversation continued for the next few minutes.

Part of me was a bit concerned that the Catholic Church would consider this blasphemous. But part of me was glad that my nephew asked me the question. Sometimes we have to believe in things that seem, well, hard to believe in. So often I think with my head, and every once in a while, I find myself feeling with my heart. It makes me feel more human, more vunerable. But to Duncan, I am now Crazy Aunt Leesa who believes in ghosts.

Oh, and those with children have probably guessed: this was not the answer Duncan's parents wanted him to hear.