Monday, July 18, 2011

Dating Milestones

When I started dating again, I began talking to several people about new dating rules. A near universal first rule is have your first date in a public place, for instance. And most of my girlfriends who are single suggest you decide how many dates you will go on before you are willing to have sex with the guy. That seems calculating, but upon review, that seemed to make a lot of sense. After really good kissing, I don't think logically and I might do things I would not do with a clear head. Most of my girlfriends (and a gay male friend) seemed to sleep with people at the third date. In fact, the gay guy said that if there is no sex at date three, he is on to the next person, no matter how much he likes the guy.

With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to have a list of dating milestones – this is taken from my memory of magazine and news articles, none of which I want to find right now. These milestones are not mine – but I will comment on mine, I suppose, at times.

First Date. Goodnight Hug. I read somewhere that 44 percent of first dates end in a kiss. Here is my rule – I won't initiate a first date kiss, but I will kiss all first dates if they make the move. And yes, I have wet and parted my lips when I wanted a kiss, but I thought the guy would not end the date in a kiss. It just fascinates me that 56 percent of first dates don't end in a kiss – I don't think I would say 'yes' to a date if a kiss was out of the question on the date.

Second Date. Goodnight Kiss. Although I will kiss on the first date, I assume most kiss by the second date. If I had a short kiss on the first date, if I say 'yes' to a second, the second date has a bit of French kissing.

Third Date. Goodnight Fuck. Here is where things get weird – on a first date, less than half of people kiss, but the most common date where people have intercourse is the third date. This makes no sense to me. I don't have a third date rule that some do. When I was in college, I did not have a lot of third dates (I said 'no' a lot on a second date request if I did not think things would progress, mostly because it interfered with studying. I would say 'yes' to all first dates because when I was in eighth grade, we had a Sadie Hawkins dance and a boy said 'no' to me.)

Forth Date. Interesting Date. For me, if any of the first four dates are not really interesting, I am probably not going to say 'yes' to another dinner- and-a-movie type date.

Sixth Date. Leesa's Goodnight Fuck. If I say 'yes' to a sixth date, I think things are progressing nicely, and although my Church does not agree, we end up fucking. And if he does not call the next day, the relationship is over. Yeah, I am a bitch, but I want a thoughtful man.

I could go on-and-on, but if I do, Deb may complain or sue me for trademark infringement. I mean, I have not seen what date number the anal sex, three-way or roleplaying dates are.


Karen said...

You have such rules. I have never thought to enforce such an outline to dating. I kind of go with the flow. I will kiss or be intimate when I feel comfortable - without any real consideration to a time schedule.

Also, what do you consider a date? I don't really formally date all that much. But I will meet a guy out for drinks or have him join my group of friends to watch the Mets game. But it isn't a formal one on one date.

LarryLilly said...


We dont need no stinking rules.

Especially for dating. Hopw does your number system work when you are picked up when you didnt go out thinking you were goind to have a date? Like a guy you see at the local BBQ place? Does it always start at one, or can some really lucky AND good guy zip to third when he ambushes you before you even knew he existed?

Many questions.

Remember rule one though, always have fun, and stay sane.

Anonymous said...

Here's the guy's list of rules, or rule.

1. Fuck.

Deb said...

How dare you use my title! LOL!

16 years ago when I met my wife, our first date ended with a kiss. She said no, I said yes, and now, 16 years later, I say no and she says yes. Go figure.

Zephyr said...

I used to have the rule that "one of us had to keep our pants on". Most of the times I broke that rule, I regretted it.

When I met my ex, we fucked on the 4th date. I think that getting physical too early leads to a focus on the wrong things in a relationship, if you truly want a relationship.

Anonymous said...

Well, the third date I had with my current wife was our Goodnight Fuck date. Seemed we had no choice with all the hormonal activity happen. It was that or change our undies.

Actually, Leesa, I think you give some excellent advice and insights and I love how you maintain your integrity.

Though, I must confess I'd be enchanted to find out which date is the Anal Sex date. Hmm.

Michael said...

I think the 6th date is about right, although I've also heard that the fourth date is the 'sex' date. For me and my wife, I think we lasted until the 5th or 6th, may be even a little later. It was one of those natural occurrences for us. But we definitely did other things up to that point. I think the oral sex date is pretty much any date you want! :-)

Leesa said...

karen: formal dating is what I am doing, I suppose. For the first two dates, we met at a location, but the guy paid for everything. It was one-on-one, and I shaved. That is a date.

larry: I live with rules. Always. But I may be in the minority.

knot: I knew the guy rules already.

deb: you are sweet. You and M, that is.

zephyr: funny - I have gone by the "one of us keeps our pants on" rule so far. I did not incorporate it because I just did not think about it. Brilliant!

ian: I don't do anal sex, so it is probably the 2,000th date.

michael: I did not put the oral sex date on there, but I agree it is the any date, probably.

Epoxy Floor | Polished Concrete said...

the guy is not deserve to be a nice guy or dating .. see another guy that .. respect you too much ..

what is a sugar daddy said...

Very nice blog Find it very informative and useful to me. Thanks a lot for sharing these post!

african girl said...

I find it funny because I can relate to the first and second date but on the third date?I don't think so.
Anyways,each of us have different dating experiences and we do have our own rules though.

Anyways, I really enjoy reading your blog and thanks for this one!