Wednesday, I wrote about Christmas (or holiday) letters. The blog entry was a bit snide, but I think it is worth a read if you have the time.
Today I would like to post a letter that I would like to receive.
Dear Family,
It is another year. I am sending this out a little early to tell you that you need to send Jed's presents to the state penetention. They picked him up again. He is completely innocent; he is just a little bit too trusting. He was holding a package for a friend, and it turned out to be marijuana. He told them it was not his, but you know, they did a drug test and he turned out positive. To date, I no longer make my famous poppy seed muffins. It was Jed's undoing and all.
With Jed being taken care of on the government's dime, I have had a lot more time to pursue some of my interests.
My primary interest is in wine-tasting. I have actually been interested in box wines for some time, and although I have my personal favorites (Black Box Wine), I have tried so many of them. The top shelf of my 'fridge is only wine now.
Little Jimmy, poor Jimmy, I have had to displace his milk. At first, he missed his milk. But you know, wine is just old grape juice, right? Jimmy has been doing a bit poorer in school – with his times tables and reading and stuff, but you know, he has less behavioral issues. So I call that a win.
Without supporting Jed's gambling habit, I have been able to put away a few bucks. It has been actually a bit nice. And you know, putting a few dollars in the purse brings more responsibility. I got Jimmy a WII – for educational reasons. Next year we will see if his grades will improve.
Me, I have had several nice men with which to spend time. And on an unrelated issue, I have been buying lots of pretty underwear.
Oh, and remember the box wines. I have started writing a book on the subject. The working title, is "Wine Appreciation Guide: Box Wines and You."
Hugz,
Leesa
Friday, December 14, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3. My Stories. Yeah, I have a few erotic stories here. I know, they are not all that good, but they were fun to write. Don't read them if this offends you (and they represent less than 1% of the content here). These stories have elements of truth and fantasy, some more true than others. Complain about something that is a bit more substantive if you must complain. I have lots of faults.
6 comments:
That is classic. I would like to receive a letter like that too.
Oh that was excellent! :)
I wonder if I could use that line " wine is just old grape juice, right?"" when they catch me drinking it at work?? Think they'll go for it? ;)
When my first wife died, in the middle of a divorce I need to add, Oh, stop that, I had NOTHING to do with her quick and permanent demise, she was in a hospital's care at the time, so I have a lock tight alibi. Anyway, it stopped the Brag-O-Grams that her 3 cousins sent every Christmas. They were all republicans working forever at the CIA, FBI and the Pentagon.
Those letters just made me hurl. I mean, DC politics is the entire world for those that live there, to the rest of us, I dont give a big fun'g rats ass care.
That read's like one of OUR Christmas letters.... Did we send you one last year???
'Hugz' back to you, dear Leesa. That was hilarious.
rwa: but these types of letters never come.
stacey: I tried that when I was 15. And it sometimes worked, though I have a few alcoholics in the family tree.
larry: yeah, I imagine your letter may have done something to stop the other letters. I actually have stopped sending letters to some just because of their reactions.
~gkw: actually, this is your letter from last year. Did I not ask for permission to publish it?
ian: thanks, sweetie.
Post a Comment