The Pizza Man

After Amy arrived, the evening could begin. Amy was always late.

Deb had brought over the movies, something men would call "chick flicks" but in actuality are movies with plots and without explosions. We called up the local pizza parlor, then started watching "The Notebook."

Gretchen started making her margaritas, and we completely engrossed in the movie when the doorbell rang.

Leesa, the flirt of the group, bounces towards the door. One minute later, she comes back to the group, and asks if the group is up for a bit of fun. All agree, not knowing exactly what they are agreeing to.

Leesa returns to the door and the pizza and asks the middle-aged man if he would need a break from delivering pizzas that night.

"A break?" asks the pizza man.

"Well," Leesa continues, tucking her hair behind her right ear nervously, "you are really cute, and I wondered if you would spend a few hours with me and my three tipsy friends."

"Miss," the pizza man continued, "although I am done with this pizza run, I have to return and pick up more pies. I have another hour until I clock out. And I have to go back to the pizza parlor."

"Well," Leesa continued, smiling, "I think your car just got a flat. I think you need to call your employer and tell him about your flat. I have a can of "Fix A Flat" in my car, if you need it. It will take about an hour to find, however."

Then Leesa seductively ran her right index finder down the front of her summer dress.

"I think this is a wonderful way to spend an hour or two."

The pizza man's draw dropped, his mind wondering if the risk was worth taking.

The problem with porn, most of it, is that it is fairly unrealistic. There is no back story that makes things seem plausible. Now, I don't know if I would ever write things that would be considered erotic, but I did want to start a pizza man story, not to have another erotic story, but to show how most erotic stories have little plot.

I love a good story – perhaps it does not need good plot. I mean, there is something to be said for character development as well. There are different types of stories, ones where action is the key, or dialog, or whatever, but a good story needs to have something.

Still looking for something.

No Naked Pictures Here

Sorry guys, ~Deb is still on my mind.

Okay, I know, for many of you. A smart, hot, lesbian is something that you think about often. Granted. ~Deb’s absence has sort of made me think more and more about my flirting with giving up this blogging thing.

I know I am thinking out loud, but sometimes I wonder if decisions we make, I make, keep us from doing the things we were meant to do. I am not suggesting that I will stop blogging – or that ~Deb is taking a break because she needs to work on something else. Why ~Deb is taking a break is ~Deb's business. If she were to post naked pics on a sight, that would be my business.

Sometimes we don't take risks. To continue to write on this blog is not risky. To scale back time on this blog to pursue a new interest, a bit riskier. Especially if the other interests are new, that makes things risky.

I want to write, but I don't want to write the same sort of thing that I do on this blog. I want to write a novel. A novel has a beginning, middle and end that grips the reader. My trite little bursts (in this blog) are written to capture one's interest, stimulate a bit of discussion, and then I am out the door.

To write a novel, I always thought you had to have the entire novel all mapped out. But the more I read about writing, the more I think that novelists are just making things up as they go. One novelist suggested that writing a book is like driving at night, the headlights illuminating the next thirty feet of road. The author, nor the reader, really knows where the story is going.

I like writing three times per week. I have spent my extra time this week catching up one work. Yeah, my employer has benefited to date. Next week I hope to start writing something.

All I need is a subject.

Better than Sex

On Monday, someone made the comment that golf is almost better than sex. At first, I was wondering what kind of putter he is working with – okay, a joke. Then I remember what a golfer once told me. He said that there is no feeling like hitting a perfect strike, and watching the ball climb into the sky, then fall to the Earth, inches from where you intended on smacking the ball. Okay, he used different words, and golfers probably know by my description that I don't golf.

I have not ever hit such a shot. I have not gotten that feeling. But it does explain why the game is so well-loved. The rest of us just have not hit such a shot.

When I was in high school, I remember listening to a cool kid say once, "Pizza is like sex. Even bad pizza is good." The guy was a football player, ultra hunk, and I thought he was also a philosopher. My guess is that he read that either on a bumper sticker or as a joke inside of Playboy. God, he was a hunk. He is probably towing cars in Buford, SC now. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Until recently, I did not get the phrase, "Better than sex." I thought there was nothing better than (good) sex. Well, I have found something.

I was listening to some live music a few weeks ago, and I swear it was better than sex. The bar was dingy – or should I say atmospheric. There was a blues band, and I am not a blues aficionado. I just don't understand all of the nuances in blues.

We start listening to the band, and my first impression was that this band was good, really good. By the third song in the set, the music was touching my soul. I was happy and sad at the same time, moving to the music.

Then the fourth song surprised me. It touched me in a more earthly place, and I swear I almost had an orgasm. Listening to music. There were tiny beads of sweat on my brow, and after the song, I was flushed. I was not bumping and grinding. I was listening to music.

Maybe the first three songs were foreplay. The fourth song was when the guitarist plowed his notes deep inside of me, playing with all that is sexual and good. The rest of the set did not give me quite the satisfaction, but I did have a grin on my face.

Needless to say, we stayed for a second set. I am not saying that the music is better than all sex. But it would make my top 20 sexual experiences, if I could ever rank such a thing.

Just some young blues player giving me the thrill of the night.

Sad News from ~Deb

I just read on her blog that ~Deb is quitting blogging. I have been toying with the idea, but I am not as brave as ~Deb.

~Deb is such a creative writer. I love reading her – it is akin to eating her up with every blog entry.

I was just finishing an entry that will be posted tomorrow (and I am proud of the entry, actually), and then I thought I had a few minutes to catch up. I am pairing back my time to devote more of it to writing, and then I see this.

Wow.

Prizes

I don't really like golf at all, but I know one thing (reinforced by a picture of Trevor Immelman "flying." I embedded the picture, and all I could think is that song, "I Think I Can Fly". I hate that song, and it is stuck in my head because of a picture of a game that I don't really like. Monday is starting off a bit bad for me.

Oh, and you cannot not like golf in Savannah. We are a stone's throw from Hilton Head, SC, and there are probably 5 really good golf courses within an hour from here. Really good is a bit humble – there are world-class golf courses around here. People here love golf. You can't say anything bad about golf in this state. Unless you are an anonymous blogger.

If you know little about golf, I wonder what your impression would be. I mean, you have these (mostly) men, spending tons of money on equipment, greens fees and really bizarre clothes. Then they spend the better part of a Saturday chasing a small white ball around with a stick. If we have visitors from another planet, I hope they don't think golfers are like the rest of us.

Back to the golf picture. The Masters is perhaps the biggest golf tournament in the world, and the winner gets a green jacket. Okay, they get cash and prestige as well, but they present a green jacket to the winner.

I don't know about you, but I think if I won the Masters, I would ask if I could get the jacket in a different color. Or at the award presentation, I can see myself saying, "I don't look good in that shade of green. Can I see something in basic black?" And I think, perhaps, in the media, I would be characterized as less than gracious.

The Masters started in 1934. I imagine in 1934, getting a jacket for winning a golf game must have felt like proper compensation. Many WPA projects were still going on, and the United States was recovering from the biggest depression we ever had.

I am not sure I could play four rounds of golf for a green jacket.

Calling In Sick

Just wanted you to know that I have not been able to post. I post when in the office, and I have been under the weather of late.

Amateur vs. Professional

A few years ago, I gave someone some grief about not being professional in their work.

Looking back, I need to give me the same talk.

Amateur comes from the Latin meaning "to love." I guess, for the Romans, amateurs love what they do, and professionals get paid for it. I hesitate to mention "professional" and "woman" in the same sentence, because some people's thoughts automatically jump to the oldest profession.

I was not talking about prostitution to my co-worker. I was talking about being professional. By professional, I did not mean being a lawyer or a doctor. I meant being a professional about your work. But unlike the Romans, I think professionals need a certain amount of love for their jobs. They need to be passionate about what they do.

Right now, I am an amateur writer, and I am not talking about not being paid for writing. But I am not committed to writing. Not yet. I write a few times per week, and although it may be a bit more than most people, I am not committed to writing.

And I want to be committed.

Random Friday #19

I keep vacillating from planning on posting five days per week (Monday through Friday) to three days (Monday-Wednesday-Friday). It all boils down to my simple rules concerning blogging. You need to post on a routine basis in order to hold people's attention. The thing is that posting every work day is easy for people to remember. Posting on one day per week also is easy to remember. Posting on Monday-Wednesday-Friday confuses the hell out of me. I wonder if it confuses other people.

Part of my change is that one third of my entries would be random posts. I started posting randomly to get rid of ideas that did not have enough substance to make a regular post.

Target
I have always liked Target. I pronounce it "Tar-shea" and have ever since I was a teenager. I am not sure it is any different than Wal-Mart (they can't squeeze their wholesalers like Wal-Mart), but I have always liked them. What I never understood is why they would want to use a hunting target as their image. Yes, we want our customers to think about shooting arrows into bails of hay decorated with our company logo. Just does not make sense to me. But I like their stores.

Authors
Wanting to publish a book seems to be a common fantasy, but I have thought about authors, and the one's you know about seem to have pretty messed up lives. I mean, if they are not snorting cocaine or being alcoholics, they get hit by cars or shoot themselves with shotguns. Who knows. Several of them have done three or four of those activities.

YouTube Partners
To drive content creation, YouTube has established partnerships with people to encourage them. You notice that Google (same parent company) has not done the same with Blogger? I mean, I don't want any of their money. But I find it interesting – and I guess they don't have to pay writers because so many people want to write. With YouTube, there are tons of other places to post videos and I guess they want to keep them on YouTube.

Captain and Tennille
I was thinking of a song the other day. I don't know the name of the song, but, embarrassingly, the version I have in my head is by Captain and Tennille. One of the lines goes, "once is never enough with a man like you." When I was younger, I really did not know what the song was about. Now that I am older, okay, I still don't know what the song is about. Partly, because I can't remember all of the words.

But the line got me to thinking: is she saying that for some men, once is plenty. I mean, she does not say that, but it is inferred. And I think that thought is hilarious. Captain and Tennille also sang Muscrat Love. I am not sure they could have gotten away with that song now-a-days. Animal love is verboten.

You know, I thought Toni Tennille died, but after Googling her, she has a fan website, a blog (she is also thinking of taking time off), et cetera. I really thought Toni Tennille died of an eating disorder. How could I have gotten her confused with Karen Carpenter? Both are/were a husband and wife team, where they featured the wife.

JargonFish
I got a message from Blog Catalog, touting a new widget called Jargon Fish. My first reaction is that it looks really crappy. I don't like junk on my site. But I like the idea of a tool that would link similar ideas from my site to other sites. For instance, if I was writing a story of cum stains that resembled certain personalities, you would probably want to read other similar articles? True?

New Source of Stem Cells
When I was in college, people made extra money by going to the blood bank. Now, I can imagine a menstrual fluid bank. I can see it now, "Wanted: Kind, courteous support staff to help with harvesting of menstrual stem cells. Must be willing to take abuse from some who have PMS into days one and two." Actually, I did not know any women who sold their blood (or more accurately, platelets). Now college co-eds will have something to sell for beer/pizza money.

Have a wonderful weekend!

April Fools, One Day Late

I was trying yesterday to think of a good April Fools joke. I thought of a few, but all of the jokes seemed a bit cruel. April Fools Day seems to be a cruel day, and I don't want to be cruel.

A while back, I announced I would start posting three days per week, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And I kept my promise for a week or so. Then I went back to posting five days per week. I had the energy; I had the words; I had the drive.

I was ahead of the game, writing the blog entries days before posting them. And I got busy again. And I went on vacation, doing my best to catch the alpha and beta rays, as well as punish my liver. Isn't that what vacation is all about?

You know, I have sort of enjoyed watching the Writer's Strike. As a non-TV-watcher, it did not really affect me. Plus I think it gave other people a taste of not having to change their lives around their favorite shows. But it got me to thinking: what are the best television shows that got cancelled?

One of my favorite shows that got cancelled was "My So-Called Life". It starred Claire Danes, and I assumed at the time it was because Ms. Danes asked for too much money. Well, the show was on after I was in high school, so I was not watching a lot of television (and could not care about Entertainment Tonight-type stories). Well, the show got cancelled, and I think it was due to low ratings. Anyway, the show was good – the writing was really good. It took ordinary situations, and made them into poignant vignettes.

I have heard that "Freaks and Geeks" was a good show, but I never saw it. I don't know anything about the show. And now I am wondering about starting to write about televisions shows like I am some sort of expert. Because I really don't know much about television.

I mean, if we want to cancel something, how about cancelling some sports teams? Perhaps we could cancel the Pittsburgh Pirates. I would love to cancel the Atlanta Braves, mostly because I don't like their fans. What kind of fans don't attend the first round of the playoffs because the team makes the playoffs nearly every year?

I guess I should post once per week, because I am practically on empty. Have a good day. And luckily, I can't cancel my blog due to not having anything to say.

Loosing My Voice

Have you ever been home all day by yourself, not talking to anyone? Then someone calls, you answer the phone, and you speak but the words don't make any sense. It is sort of like loosing your voice. And when I do this, the person on the other end of the phone invariably asks, "Did I wake you up?"

I want to blurt out, "Fuck no, I don't normally sleep at 2 in the afternoon," but that response is not very lady-like. Plus, since I have not used my voice all day, it would come out like "Er um, n-nnnoooooo."

Writing this morning is sort of like loosing my voice. I have not written a word in a week, and I fear that I have lost my voice. Not my physical voice, but the voice I use when writing.

I have lost my voice before. When I was younger, I began writing. I would write as if I was talking to my best friend. She and I shared so much, but I would write everyone as if I was writing her. My writing was open and frank. It was a little too open, so after a while, I decided to write everyone in a different voice, a "letter to grandfather" voice. I respected my grandfather, and when writing in that voice, I was more reserved, more proper, and my spelling was better.

So throughout my late childhood and early adulthood, all correspondence – well, most correspondence – was done in my "letter to grandfather" voice. The sole exception, I suppose, was sexy letters to boyfriends. Most letters to boyfriends still used the "letter to grandfather" voice, but if they involved thinking about my boyfriend's loins, I switched voice. Better than paying for years of psychotherapy.

Actually, when my grandfather died, I stopped writing for a while. I lost my voice, I suppose. I wrote a few times, mostly to him, about his death. But I stopped writing my parents (I tried writing them once per week, so they knew I was alive). Telephone calls seemed extravagant at the time. We talked to each other for five or ten minutes on Sundays at 4:00 pm (an hour before the rate changes, from weekend to Sunday night).

Pardon me while I get my voice back, and no, I did not just wake up.

Back Soon

I will be taking a week off. I should be back on or about March 31.

I was reading a blog by Ian the other day, and it got me to thinking. His question was about blogging. I blog every work day, and I think that is too damn much. Not because I can't do my job. I can. Oh, and my bosses, if they intercept this message, I am pretty good at what I do. Oh, and I have the negatives you are looking for in a safe deposit box – if I go missing, a friend will take them and go public. Not blackmail, just stating some facts here.

Have a wonderful week. I will be away from the office, not writing a damn word, not thinking about work at all. If I liked to fish, I'd be doing that. Not that I don't like to fish. Or that I do like to fish. I am neutral on fishing. Actually it would be a really cute activity if bait smelled a little better.

Back in a week. Have a wonderful week, dear readers!

Random Friday #18

Connections
I was watching a YouTube video the other day, and although I rarely click their suggested videos, there was one by David Sedaris that looked interesting. Well, that led to one by Amy Sedaris, and then I wanted to see if the two were married, so I went on Google with Amy's name, and came up with an IMDB page for Amy, and the first movie on her list, Puberty: The Movie, where she plays the voice of Paulie the penis. I eventually learned that Amy is the younger sister of David, which was a relief. I mean, can you imagine how David would have felt, being married to a woman who was cast as a penis? This could be the twenty-first century version of the Oedipus complex.

Nena and 99 Luftballons
I saw a comment on a blog I read the other day about "99 Red Balloons." The high schooler said something about blasting this song on their car one day. Anyway, she indicated the festive environment was aided by the song. Of course, the song is about ninety-nine balloons floating into the air, triggering an apocalyptic overreaction by military forces. Didn’t know that was party music. And they are red in the American version, not the German version.

Blog Roll Cheating
A week or so ago, I went to one of my favorite blogs (I will not link to him/her because I want everyone to think it is you) and he/she took down her blog roll. I mean who takes down their blog roll? Oh, and I sometimes use her blog roll, and I sort of feel like I am cheating. Weird, huh?

Done with Education
I heard a college senior say that they will graduate in May, and that they are done with their education. That they no longer "will be a slave to their professors." Note to self: don't hire this person. Someone who thinks they are done learning. Isn't that part of life? After college?

Bunny Boiler
I saw this on YouTube. It is a show called Bunny Boiler, I think, in reference to the Fatal Attraction scene. I wanted to write something about it. But I really couldn't think of a whole post for this one. I know women are competitive, but not like the clip. We are a bit more manipulative than that. Oh, and someone sent me the clip on September 9, 2007. Yeah, I deleted another "draft" blog entry by placing the embedded clip on the Friday post. Yea, me!



YouTube Recommendation
On Friday, a long time ago, I would post twice, one for my normal Friday post (it may or may not be a random post), and a second post that included a couple of YouTube recommendations. Generally speaking, people did not like the YouTube recommendations.

So, I decided to plant random recommendations inside of my Friday post. Michael Inouye, otherwise known as minouye, is a YouTube personality who is somewhat popular. I don't know if he is very popular because not a lot of people make fun of him. He has started doing a weekly vlog that is wonderful – it is about politics, but in a humorous way. He did a four or five part series on some sort of computer game (WOW, can't remember what it stands for and am too lazy to Google it; I just know it is all-consuming and there are lots of levels) once that was fascinating. I think he took down those videos, perhaps because the subject of the video may have received unwanted attention.

Anyway, I think he does vlogs that are entertaining an inciteful.



Tired
I am just tired, and I have three days of Church to attend. A freakin' marathon. Yeah, me cursing having to go to Church. Too bad I just visited the priest in Confession earlier this week. I would have liked to hear his reaction.

Maundy Thursday: Thoughts of Lazarus

Today is known as Maundy Thursday. The morning celebration of these events marks the beginning of what is called the Easter Triduum or Sacred Triduum. Triduum is a cool word, because of the "double u" spelling. I sometimes wonder if 'triduum' was supposed to be spelled 'tridvm' when they made the global replace from 'uu' to 'w', but a few words sort of got left out.

About now, you are probably thinking, "this is not your normal Christian Holy Day (or feast day) post. And you would be right.

I am going to talk about one specific story in the Bible, but I hope not to get too preachy. I also hope not to get to sacrilegious because it would suck to excommunicated for a blog entry.

The story concerns Lazarus. For those who slept through Sunday school, Lazarus, who lived in Bethany, fell ill. His two sisters, Mary and Martha, knew he was gravely ill (see the pun there – gravely ill?) and sent word to Jesus. Jesus delayed – he was a busy guy, after all, and when he finally arrived at Bethany, Laz was dead four days. In the presence of a crowd of Jewish mourners (you have to have witnesses to write these things down or tell people to write them down), Jesus had the stone rolled away from the tomb and ordered Lazarus to come out. Out comes Laz, still wrapped in his grave-cloths. The narrator claims, and many Biblical scholars concur, this miracle convinced many other Jews of Jesus' divinity.

This was sort of the beginning of the end for Jesus. Shortly thereafter, you had Jesus coming into Jerusalem, knocking over tables, and so forth, the events celebrated/remembered during Holy Week.

End of religious stuff that make some people barf, while giving others hope.

What I want to know is when Lazarus died again, what did his relatives think? I mean, you had a guy being raised from the dead, and if it was my relative, I would probably wait a few days. Why wrap the guy in grave clothes, place him in a tomb, roll a heavy rock in front of the entrance, and then have to undue all of those preparations.

Or when your sister or brother says, Laz is dead. You would be thinking, "Right, good one." I mean, Laz was already dead. Jesus said something about raising folks up afterwards. If I was one of Laz's relatives, I would have thought perhaps he would be staying on the Earth "until the last day."

And if you think about it, a lot of the people who were Jesus's contemporaries, probably thought that "the last day" would probably occur within their lifetimes. I mean, so much history had occurred in a few short years. Think about it.

When others are praying or looking at Ms. Dingleberry's cleavage, I sometimes wonder about things surrounding the sermons. Also, not sure if I were Laz, when I would celebrate my birth day. I mean, you would have a birth day and re-birth day. How cool would that be?

Super Sexual Partners

I started writing this on June 7, 2007, but I did not get very far. This is, however, the last full post that is left in draft status. I am doing that happy dance.

When I was new¹ to blogging, I wrote a post about which superhero I would like as a lover. But I was thinking, the other day, what if my hubbie was a superhero. I mean, how would he be as a lover?

Super Sperm
I mean, Superman has super strength. He can blow out of his mouth and release a hurricane. What makes you think, even if he was shooting "blanks", that he would not, at the very least, bruise a cervix? And, if I were to be crude, can you imagine the bruises if he ever wanted to give a girl a pearl necklace?

Super Strength
There are many different super heroes where super strength is an issue. The Incredible Hulk, that Orange "Incredible Hulk" want-to-be made of rock², Superman, and many others. How can I put this? I bruise easily. And I would not want bruises down my arms, on my legs and in any other place a super lover happened to touch me. A side thought: do you think the Thing is always "hard"? A question that just popped into my head.

Mind Powers
There are some super heroes that can read minds. That would totally suck to be involved in a relationship with someone who did not need to talk. Most men are not very talkative (and the ones who are, well, many of them should just shut up). To have a guy pry into your mind, that would just suck. At least he would never ask, "How was I?"

Magic Lasso
Wonder Woman's lasso is a special case. Not really a super power, but something that Wonder Woman uses a whole heck of a lot. Wonder Woman is from Themyscira (I Googled it, I had no idea what the place was called – I would have called it Amazonia). Okay, I won't do any other research here, but as I recall, Wonder Woman was part of an island where there were no men. All women – tall, beautiful women – all the time. If I were Wonder Woman, I would be lesbian. I mean, you are on an island full of women (no men around), and after a while, you want to do more than swim and swing from vine to vine. So if I were an inhabitant of Themyscira, I would be lesbian, but it would suck to have Wonder Woman as a lover. Well, it would be pretty darned good until she used her lasso on you. "So that's where my red pumps went to." Okay, so my hubbie would not be some woman with Playtex Wonderbra boobies . . . .

Wonder Twin Powers
The Wonder Twins are a pair of twins, Zan and Jayna, teenage aliens. Zan, the boy, can turn into any form of water, and Jayna, the girl, can turn into any animal (real or mythical – they are aliens, by the by, so this doesn't have to make too much sense). All I can think is "ew." I don't want a hubbie that can turn into an ice dildo (seems more like torture than sex) or an animal (we are not going to get into bestiality). These seem to be the strange sex powers in my book, more appropriately just left alone. Believe it or not, I like plain vanilla sex just fine, thank you very much. Though, I write about really strange things.

Silly Afterplay
One of my favorite super heroes is Aquaman. Hey, I grew up where Jacques Cousteau was celebrated. So Aquaman was a big deal. But if he were my lover, I would imagine after having sex, he would use his thought power to steer his little fishies through my fallopian tubes and elsewhere. And that would totally freak me out. And I would tell Aquaman that his little fishies are not really fish. I might even use a curse word.

---

¹Well, the post was on October 13, 2005, and I started blogging in September 2005. Not that this was about James Tilly Matthews or anything.

²I think this is the Thing, part of the Fantastic Four. But I am not sure.

Nice Swear Words

On February 2, 2007, I wrote a title ("Nice Swear Words") and one single word, "muffin." I really debated just deleting the draft, thus helping to clear out all draft backlogs (after this, there are two left). Without further ado (and I really don't know where this is going) . . . .

Skirt
When I was a freshman in college I dutifully took my Freshman English class. The only thing I remember about the class was that we read a short story about a guy driving a rig. I read the story, and was not really moved. The next day, the professor tells me about all of the symbolism, how the truck (a Peterbilt) represented the guy's genitals. Then he goes into a tirade about when they talk about a "skirt", men are implying that the only reason to be with a woman was because of what the skirt contained.

So in a sense, I suppose calling someone a skirt would be a "nice swear word." Okay, probably not.

Muffin
I had a friend that, when angry, used to say, "Eat my muffin." I giggled the first time she said it, mostly because of what I thought it meant. Now, I am sure she was not inviting someone who pissed her off to engage in cunnilinguis. Perhaps, to her, it may have been meant as a variant of "bite me," another one of her sayings.

Now I have heard of "muffin munchin'", and I have concluded it is all about cunnilinguis. Muffin is a cute-sy term. But I don't ever recall of hearing someone calling someone a muffin and meaning they were a p---y. I guess muffin is not a swear word.

P---y
For those of you who have read my erotic short stories, you will notice the lack of curse words. There was a high school, or was it middle school, science teacher that said that "bad words are the tools of small minds."

I don't know if that, or the taste of Ivory soap, lead me to current state of clean mouth. Actually, I think it may have more to do with my southern upbringing. It was just un-lady-like to say certain things.

I started this out by saying "nice swear words." You know, swear words are not supposed to be nice. They are supposed to be mean, they are supposed to hurt, and as my science teacher may suggest, "for small minds."

Maybe why this is why I never finished this post.

Presents for Children

Today is St. Patrick's Day. And I don't know what city you are in, but in Savannah, it is a big deal. Not quite Boston, but still . . . . So I took the day off (in other words, short post today). JackDanyells has a video about St. Patrick's day.

I wrote something the other day about purchasing presents for children. Not having children of my own, there is some amorphous dark area surrounding children's' presents. When I was growing up, we did not have a lot of toys. I don't want you to think I lived in a dirt-bottomed shack, will pill bugs for pets, but that would not be an accurate representation. We just got presents at Christmas and on our birthday, and that was about it.

My nieces and nephews get presents at other times of the year. Part of that may have to do their parents having a bit more money than my parents had. Not more love, but more money.

When my nieces were younger, I would buy them the cutest outfits. And my nephews, I would buy the noisiest toys I could find.

I was not a big doll person growing up. Well, that is not really true. I had a couple of special dolls, with several outfits. I was not a doll collector. We did not collect things, really. But not that I dress up my niece's like dolls, but I get satisfaction from buying clothes for my nieces. Plus, I don't have to read the labels because I don't have to wash the clothes.

Now that I think about it, I buy clothes for nieces (to give me satisfaction). I buy noisy tops for my nephews (which bug my siblings and give me satisfaction). I think I have this gift-giving things sort of backwards.

Random Friday #17

YouTube Christian
For some reason, I got to a new YouTube user named ZenithXLT. She starts out a video response to someone else. Apparently she has a dinosaur video which is much more interesting. After all, dinosaurs trump religion. Just think about Saturday morning: would you rather watch "The Flintstones" or "Davey and Goliath." I really don't watch a lot of videos any more, but I thought she was interesting. So if you like to hear other Christian viewpoints, subscribe to her (I am Subscriber #16). If I did a YouTube review, I would on her. But I got bored with that, and really, most of my readers could care less about YouTube. Plus I keep hearing about dogs on skateboards on YouTube, but I have not seen the video. I would love to see a squirrel on a skateboard.

She started her video with asking what you would rather have: (1) A human woman who may stray but come back to you, or (2) a robot girl. My response was easy: A robot man with multiple attachments. Well, that's how I started my response. I wanted to talk about determinism and Saint Augustine's views, but after talking about a robot's sexual attachments, I thought perhaps my credibility was shot.

Poor Wellesley
I saw a t-shirt the other week which read: "Glass ceilings were made to be broken: Wellesley Students for Hillary". Tuition for the 2006-2007 school year cost $32,384. Their alumni include Hillary Clinton (obviously) and Madame Chiang Kai-Shek (Wellesley ‘17). Sorry, but I don't believe Wellesley girls reach glass ceilings.

Behind Every Good Man . . .
I read the other day that Stephen King through away the first four pages of a novel that eventually became Carrie. His wife found it in the trash, said he had something good, and urged him to continue. Throughout history, you can find women who help make their husbands succeed. Dwight D. Eisenhower had Mamie, FDR had Eleanor Roosevelt, and Bill Clinton had . . . . Oh, yeah, we don't know if she is a woman. I want to start a new saying of first ladies. "She's no Dolley Madison." I don't think it will catch on.

Mercury Rising
From a news source: "Compact fluorescent lamps - those spiral, energy-efficient bulbs popular as a device to combat global warming - can pose a small risk of mercury poisoning to infants, young children, and pregnant women if they break, two reports concluded yesterday."

Moldy Bread
Many of you know I have OCD. While I hated when my peas touched my green beans (but I loved eating Chinese food), I used to eat moldy bread. Well, when I was growing up, we were very frugal. Being poor will do that to you. Not poor, but definitely below medium income. I picked mold off some bread today, but it was not because we are still poor. It is really good artesian bread, and I did not want to waste it.

Presents for Children
I have lots of nieces and nephews to purchase presents for throughout the year. I like to get them stuff that their parents would never buy them (they are semi-spoiled anyway), and I get bonus points for purchasing things which annoy the parents. This was easy when they were little: percussion toys did the trick nicely. Or a fluffy toy cat that meows annoyingly for that "dog family." As they get older, it is harder and harder to buy for them, with my somewhat unusual requirements. I got one nephew a farting book. That was not the name of the book, but it was all about toots. And not just human toots. He read it to his parents for weeks. Score one for Leesa. And I bought another book that is in the closet for when he gets a little older. A book on statology. I hope I am not remembered as the poopy aunt. That would sort of backfire on my master plan.

Bush – Clinton
I think the Bushs and the Clintons should intermarry and breed a whole new bunch of leaders of our nation. After all, after Hillary and Jeb, there aren't too many others we can elect and our nation is intent on keeping these two families in power.

Numbering
I have been numbering my random posts. I wonder if I mis-counted, would anybody notice.

Molokai, Hawaii
Father Damien lived in Molokai, where he cared for lepers throughout his life. He gave them Catholic sacraments when no one else would. He caught leprosy and died. How many of us would risk our lives for strangers? Oh, firemen, police, soldiers, sailors, airman and marines.

All Thumbs
I hurt my thumb the other day, and I really did not realize that I needed it to type. I mean, howoftendoyoupressthespacebar?

Banana Splits for My Baby

ysabellabrave is a YouTube star, and she recently sang "Banana Splits for My Baby", a song written by Louie Prima. Louie Prima was a New Orleans (jazz) musician who started out a classical pianist. When someone asked Elvis where he got the wiggle, Elvis responded, "From Louis Prima, of course." I am a bit younger than that, so I remember him as King Louis in Disney's Jungle Book.

Banana split for my baby, a glass of plain water for me
Banana split for my baby, a glass of plain water for me
Dispenser man, if you please, serve my chick a mess of calories
Banana split for my baby, a glass of plain water for me

Client Number 9

I wrote this before Ms. Spitzer resigned yesterday. I really thought he would hang on for a few weeks. And I saw something a few minutes ago by minouye that covers this with a lot more humor, though he uses video (I would rather read the news).

For those of you who live under a rock, don't read this. It contains information that has been seen on newspapers, network news, heck, even YouTube. Everything is on YouTube, though, from balloon fetishes to Ron Paul commercials.

Here is the first few paragraphs that the Seattle Times led with:

When he was his state's attorney general, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer once broke up a call-girl ring and locked up 18 people on corruption, money-laundering and prostitution charges. He ruthlessly investigated the pay packages of Wall Street executives and was so familiar with shady financial maneuvers that he rose to become the top racketeering prosecutor in Manhattan.

But in the end, it appears Spitzer may have been done in by the same behavior he built a career out of prosecuting. Investigators said he spent perhaps as much as $80,000 with a high-priced prostitution service over an extended period of time.

For those of you living under rocks, you can read the entire story. The Seattle Times story was the first one that came up on Google News; it may not be the most authoritative story out there.

Before the other day, I had not heard of Eliot Spitzer. New York is the third most populous state (I think: California, Texas, New York; maybe New York is two), and I had no idea he was governor. Of course, I am not an expensive call girl living in DC.

Here is what disturbs me about the story:

1. No formal charges have been made. It disturbs me for two reasons: (1) Normal citizens would have been charged by now, and (2) if no formal charges have been made, why even talk about this.
2. Buried somewhere is the fact that he is a money launderer. I know that sex sells, but this is the real big (time in jail) thing about what he did.
3. Silda Wall Spitzer, why the hell are you by your man's side. Skip the news conference and go on a binge. Stay in the room and drink to your heart's content. Now is the time, lady. Patti Page's hit (Stand By Your Man) does not apply here.
4. Most people don't get it. It is not that Eliot Spitzer was seeing a prostitute (across state lines, in violation of the federal Mann Act). It is that what he is doing is embarrassing, damaging to his career, and thus the perfect thing to blackmail the man with.

The last thing that bothers me (the potential blackmail thing) is the reason that people should resign. I don't know if he goes to jail if he can continue to serve as governor. Some would rather he be in jail; at least his wife knows who he is screwing.

I would love a job where I could say: I really don't want to deal with things at the office right now; things are getting too hot. I am going to chill with me and the family. Maybe Slida will wear the leather bodysuit I bought Kristen her ….

I really feel for Slida, though she probably knows who she married. Well, it is sometimes hard to feel bad for a Harvard-educated wife of a multi-millionaire. But there it is.

Most interesting factoid about the news: Spitzer is a super delegate who supports Hillary Clinton. Maybe that's why Slida was standing by her man after all.

Readers

When I first started blogging, I was very conscious about who was reading my tripe. Oh, look at that, someone with a Commodore 64 is viewing me with an unknown web-browser in Slovocia. Their ISP is, er, I can't pronounce it, and they clicked onto 20 different pages. They must love me.

And I would look and say, wow, I got 30 people reading me today. I knew them, and it was easy to know who they were, even when they made no comments. With a product like SiteMeter, it is really easy to do, even for the technologically disadvantaged. I even wrote a post, back in 1995, about the assumptions I would make about people who left me comments. You know, when I started out blogging, I was damn sweet. I seemed to care a lot about my blog – sort of like a new car owner who forces her husband to get out the turtle wax and polish her car. Do people even polish cars anymore?

Back to whatever I was writing about. Oh, yeah, I was writing about my readers. Where was I? SiteMeter.

Then, I noticed a comment one day from a blog I would frequent, saying, "Hey, there is someone from Savannah that reads me and apparently likes what I write." I never commented on his page, but I read it. I sometimes, believe it or not, don't have anything to say.

Well, that sort of freaked me out and I purchased some software that spoofs stuff. [Insert technical garbage here that people don't want to read.] It basically pretends my computer is in California or in other places because a series of numbers separated by periods. Yeah, that's as technical as I get.

So after purchasing said software, I also stopped looking at SiteMeter. I could tell, sometimes, even which building they were using the Internet from. I mean, it did not mean that they lived in the building, but at least they were jacking the signal. I decided my readers were entitled to their ananimity, too.

For a very short time, I became somewhat popular – I would get 30 or so comments per day, and it sort of freaked me out. I did not really want all of that attention. I would like to say that I started writing crappier posts on purpose. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. It is hard for me to tell. What I did not like was responding to the comments.

Comment: You said something really funny about squirrel poop today!

Leesa: Fuck you and don't come back.

Okay, anyone can write something funny to say about squirrel poop. It's just a nutty topic. But when you tell people to go away, most of them listen. The stalkers don't, but everyone else pretty much listens.

I have been trying to look for some good blogs lately, and I have not found any new ones that I look forward to reading. Part of it may be where I am at mentally.

But part of it is that there is part of the sub-culture of blogging, and there are very few women bloggers that I find interesting. Most are, well, for lack of a better term, bitchy. There are whole blogs which are written by women who are really mean. Edge-y, is what I think they are going after (no offense, Jef). I have better relationships with men – because men seem to be, in general, nicer than women. Anyway, to make up for this, I have gone out of my way to make blogger friends with women.

And it does not always work.

This blog entry was supposed to be about my readers, not me. Darn it, why can't I focus. Your loss I guess, I just have to write this. You are the one busy reading it. And there are a couple of readers who come here every day – and their blogs are written in other languages. Talk about amazing – I wish I could read blogs in other languages. And that requires work . . . so I don't see that happening any time soon.

Politics and Hurricane Katrina (Part 2 of 2)

Yesterday, I started writing about how one person had a great deal to do with the Hurricane Katrina tragedy. If you missed yesterday, shame on you. You will have to read Part One for any of this to make sense. Oh, how I hope this makes sense.

As I was writing, Buddy Roemer was elected, mostly because of Edwards ethically challenged character. Edwards dropped out of the 1987 race, and one columnist stated, "The only way Edwards can ever be reelected is to run against Adolph Hitler."

And as luck would have it (for Edwards, not for the people of Louisiana), an Adolph Hitler character ran in 1991.

For the 1991 election, Republicans and Democrats and every other flavor of politician ran together in the primary, and the two top vote-getters would face one another in the general election.

Incumbent Buddy Roemer and 3-time Governor Edwards were running neck and neck, with a third candidate trailing far behind. Buddy Roemer had switched parties, theorizing that he could take both the Republican vote and moderate conservatives as well.

Edwards was a crafty politician, and his staff dug up a quote about Roemer supporting Michael Dukakis over President Bush (he said, "Dan Quail made up my mind."). This did not sit well with conservatives.

When the ballots were counted in the primary, Edwards received 33.8% of the vote, the candidate who was running third in most polls received a surprising 31.7% of the vote, and incumbent Roemer received 26.5% of the vote and was eliminated from the race.

Edwards was prepared to run against his opponent, and it is reported that Edward's staff counseled Edwards to stop dating 20-year-olds. Some reports surfaced that his dates should be at least 25.

Some facts about Edward's opponent:

1. There was a 1989 photo of him shaking hands with the head of the American Nazi Party.
2. Even though Edwards was dating 20-year-olds, this man had been accused of dating at least one 17-year-old. Edwards said of his opponent that he "is not a womanizer. He is a little-girlizer."
3. He made several public anti-Semitic remarks (and said that the Holocaust was a hoax).
4. When asked about issues, he was usually caught off-guard. He, for example, could not name any of the top three employers in the state.
5. He had stated publicly that blacks were inferior to whites.

During the election, Edward's opponent renounced many of the things he had said previously.

Edwards won the election with about 61% of the vote. Buddy Roemer, when leaving office, said that Edwards "for twenty years created a hunger for integrity, was saved in the end by having a man run against him who has less integrity."

One of his first acts after moving back into the governor's mansion was to appoint Robert Harvey, to head the Orleans District levee board. Robert Harvey's qualification for this appointment: contributing $5,000 to Edwards campaign.

The headway that previous administrations had made about forcing the Army Corps of Engineers to built higher levees were forgotten. Over the next few years, the levee board was preoccupied with other priorities.

Oh, and the man who ran against Edwards – the man who was more crooked than a master crook? David Duke.

So you see, gentle reader, some could argue that David Duke, making it into the general election, is in part responsible for having levees that were not high enough to protect New Orleans. You see, Robert Harvey did not give $5,000 to the Duke campaign. And that (insert Paul Harvey pause) is the rest of the story.

Digg It

I have been playing around with Digg, and when I have a post that is "newsy", and believe me, most of my posts will not be newsy, I may Digg it. So if you think it is newsy too, then you can press on the Digg Button. On, and it seems like you need to join Digg in order to vote; so don't bother if you don't want to join Digg.

Politics and Hurricane Katrina (Part 1 of 2)

When I was in middle school, I can remember a lot of talk about Fidel Castro. The story that I remember most is that Fidel Castro was a minor league baseball player. I did not remember all the facts concerning the Bay of Pigs or the Cuban Missile Crisis (hence my poor Social Studies grades). And I just learned that the story is false.

That leads me to think about how other people have affected history by what they did or did not do. I want to tell you a story today, but I am not sure if I can maintain my one page blog rule.

If I asked a group of people to list the most corrupt states in the United States, one name would rise to the top. That state would be Louisiana.¹. And if you could list the most corrupt people in that state over the last twenty years, one name would also be set apart from the rest: Edwin Edwards. Edwin Edwards was first governor from 1972 to 1980, and in the state of Louisiana, you cannot run for a third term in a row. You can sit out one term and then run again, but you cannot be governor three terms in a row.

Huey P. Long, "the Kingfish", was an amazing politician, the model of the corrupt politician. My favorite quote of his: "One of these days the people of Louisiana are going to get good government - and they aren't going to like it." Edwards was more corrupt than the Kingfish. Oh, and Edwards has been in jail since October 2002. I guess that is better than being shot (Huey Long was shot – some say he was shot by one of his own bodyguards when his assailant, Carl Weiss, punched him).

Back to Edwin Edwards.

In his second term, he was positioning himself to take the office back. In Louisiana, a Republican has not been elected governor since the Civil War – that happened a lot in the South. Southern Democrats run the gambit – from conservative to liberal. So the fight is in the primary – once a Democrat won the primary, beating up the Republican was not a problem.

Edwin Edwards instituted a different type of voting, "patronage voting" or something like that. Basically, everybody runs in the same primary, and the top two vote-getters run in the general election. And you might think Edwin Edwards proposed this change in the election process to benefit the fine people of Louisiana. But since we are talking about politics, let's assume he did it to benefit himself. And knowing Edwards, perhaps this benefitted his pocketbook as well. So when Edwin Edwards left office in 1980, he was delighted when David Treen (the first Republican Governor of Louisiana) was elected over a very liberal Democrat.

Edwin Edwards won re-election in 1983, a couple of years after one of Edwards closest friends was indicted after an FBI sting. There were tapes that showed close ties between members of the Edwards administration and a New Orleans mob boss. Edwards was not indicted for his involvement.

Edwards, being Edwards, in his role of governor, went to trial for shaking down $1.9 million in bribes to secure hospital licenses. He was not convicted, but because of this and several other things, he was not re-elected in 1988.

Buddy Roemer was elected, mostly because of Edwards ethically challenged character. Edwards dropped out of the 1987 race, and one columnist stated, "The only way Edwards can ever be reelected is to run against Adolph Hitler."

Tomorrow, I will finish the story of how an Adolph Hitler placed Edwards in the governor's mansion one last time and how this may have made the devastation of Hurricane Katrina worse because of this election outcome.

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¹Louisiana has the reputation of being the most corrupt state, but in a recent study, here is how the most corrupt states ranked: (1) Mississippi, (2) North Dakota and (3) Louisiana. The only question I have is: North Dakota? Are you serious?

Random Friday #16

Typepad
I hate typepad. I have commented on several typepad blogs in the last week, and although the comments show up, they give me some sort of error, faking me out and causing me to yell at my computer. And I don't do curse words so I sound like a twelve-year-old girl from the 80s. Current twelve-year-old girls can curse.

Rules
Remember the rule to wait 30 minutes after eating before getting in a pool. I would watch the clock like a hawk when I was younger. I would be shivering in my one-piece, damp enough for the wind to make goose-pimples all over my arms. Well, I have eaten right before entering a pool twice in the last week (indoor pool) and you know what? I did not cramp up and die. I wonder what other rules are for parental amusement.

OCD Behavior in Blogger
I have been cleaning out my "draft" posts in blogger lately. Some of them, I have deleted. I mean, who wants to read why Gore will beat Bush because of Gore's stronghold in Florida, anyway? Or how Britney is really a good mother, and the press just has it all wrong. I am sure her family loves her (and will not involuntarily commit her to an institution). Or how Joe must be gay because he is (1) working in Human Resources, (2) is not married, and (3) writes really well. I had a little crush on Joe a long time ago, but he stopped taking my calls and filed a restraining order. Well, it turns out that Joe is not gay. He just uses the court system to file frivolous restraining orders. Well, I am not clearing out my colon, but I am clearing out my drafts.

Men's Shirts
Why are men's shirts so darned comfortable? I am talking about plaid Oxford-cloth Button Down shirts. I mean, I am sure there is a fettish somewhere about putting one of these bad boys on right out of the dryer, wearing nothing but panties, walking around the house . . . er, I did not type that. I think someone is hacking in my word processor.

Word Processor
Why does the phrase "word processor" sound so old? Does anyone remember WordStar? Oh, to have gone to college in the 80s. I doubt kids today would know the history of the word processor. I still remember putting things in the word processor and either having half of my document underlined or placing everythign in bold text because the ribbon on the machine was fading.

Blog Catalog Rating

I got my first rating at Blog Catalog. I probably joined Blog Catalog over a year ago; not sure why, actually, so it had to be a long time ago. Anyway, I got my first "review":

Great site blog with great contents. Please come and visit my blog too and leave me a comment.

Rated 10 of 10 and a review that looks like spam, I went to see some of his other comments. More than half of the blogs he rated got the following comment:

Your blog is one of my favorites thats why I really made a point of my busy time to post a comment.It is very informative with great contents. Keep on posting. I hope you can visit my blogs and also leave some comments. thanks.

Oh, and I kept his punctuation as well. Who does not include at least one space after a period?

I don't really get the Blog Catalog site. A couple of my blogging buddies are there (~Deb and Mike). But I still don't get it.

Graphic Novels
When I first heard the term "graphic novels", I figured it was a novel filled with violence and/or sex. Not that I hear the term often, but I still get that impression. I am a bibliophile, and so I have tripped on booksellers who specialize in graphic novels. Now, in my head, I insert the replacement words "comic books" when I hear "graphic novels."

Oh, and I looked them up on Wikipedia, and apparently there is no pure definition of graphic novel. Makes my replacement even more warranted. And the pic that was part of the article I places besides this. "It Rhymes with Lust" I wonder what they mean, when they place a buxom redhead on the cover. I am going with "trust."

Dummy Test
Have you seen those Dummy Test ads? The link will open the picture but not the dummy test itself. I think clicking on the dummy test should automatically make you one. I mean, if a test can egg you one to taking the test for dummies, I think that confirms that you are a dummy. Yeah, I took the test. Drats.

Happy Friday!

When Harry Met Leesa

One of my favorite movies is When Harry Met Sally. I have not seen it in years, but I still play scenes in my mind. And I even have, on rare occasions, seen some bloggers writing and thought, "Hmmm. He seems just like Harry. I hope he finds someone."

Sally Albright: Is Harry bringing anybody to the wedding?
Marie: I don't think so.
Sally Albright: Is he seeing anybody?
Marie: He was seeing this anthropologist, but...
Sally Albright: What's she look like?
Marie: Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare.

Marie's line that punctuates the scene is classic girl talk. Women are so competitive – I still am. I have probably looked at the same number of woman's asses as my husband. Okay, maybe not, but I look at women's butts and think, "Bitch. She has a nice ass." Or, "My ass is better than her ass." And I don't like calling women bitches in my mind. Translation: I want to have the best ass in the room.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I could hold my own. Now that gravity has started yanking down my caboose, I try to avoid rooms full of bikini models, Victoria's Secrets shoppers and college co-eds.

Sally: When Joe and I started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true, it's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids - and, actually, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice - and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it, now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them. And Joe and I used to talk about it, and we'd say we were so lucky we have this wonderful relationship; we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. We can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I'd promised to take her to the circus, and we were in the cab playing "I Spy" - I spy a mailbox, I spy a lamp-post - and she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two little kids. And the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders, and she said, "I spy a family." And I started to cry. You know, I just started crying. And I went home, and I said, "The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment's notice."
Harry: And the kitchen floor?
Sally: [sadly] Not once. It's this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile.

I remember this scene as well.

I have written about not having children a couple of times. Here is one post and I know there are others. I am just too busy to look for others right now.

I know this scene is about loving someone who wants other things. Someone who says that he wants one thing because that's what he wants with you. I privately prayed that Joe's thingie would fall off in the shower. Enough about me being a hateful bitch.

When my husband and I married, we wanted certain things. And children was way up there on the list. But things happen, and we can't have kids. We have gone round and round with adoption. The subject is still open, but we are not the perfect adoptive parents. We are getting "older". I have a girlfriend who is 35 and her adoption agency says she is on the cusp of being too old. Where does that leave my 39-year-old-chassis?

Okay, now I want to go see When Harry Met Sally. And I don't have to wait for the Blue Ray^® edition, either. [I started this post on 4/10/07 but only got the title and the quotes at that time.]

Election Prediction

Super Tuesday was yesterday – actually the day I am writing this blog entry. Super Tuesday, however, seems a lot less super since many of the states that normally participate in Super Tuesday moved up their primaries.

The primary doesn't matter though. It matters not. Sorry Ohio. Sorry Texas. It really doesn't matter who you vote for. Your vote doesn't count. Americans don't want to hear that. Americans want their votes to count. We hear it in high school, so it must be true, damnit¹.

Now, some years your vote counts more than other years – and it has to do with who is running. Not who is running on the Democratic or Republican ticket, but which spoiler is running. And the current spoiler's name is Ralph Nader.

While most liberal Americans blame hanging chads for one of W. Bush's victories, others blame Ralph Nader. Personally, I blame Al Gore, who blew off Nader after he became vice president. Nader wanted a meeting with Al Gore, but Gore was a little too busy, and it may have cost him the presidency. At the very least, it made Ralph Nader an enemy.

Now some believe that Nader did not cost Al Gore the election – some a lot more astute than I, that is. But I am a fear-monger, so hear me out. />²

Now I know what many of you are thinking: Ralph Nader's pinnicle of success was obtained in 1988 when he was singing "People in Your Neighborhood" with Bob McGrath Sesame Street episode. For me, he was a consumer advocate. And now, he also has aligned himself with environmental issues as well.

Who does someone who works on environment and consumer advocate non-profits want to rule the country? A Democrat who may work on solving these issues? Or a Republican who may not (and donations to said non-profits almost certainly increase given this fact)? Now, I am a believer in following the money. I get that from my fear-mongering media kit. Personally, I don't think there is much different from Dems and Reps as far as the environment is concerned. How many legislative efforts did we hear from Clinton with Gore as his right-hand VP man? I can't think of any. At least when Republicans (under the Reagan administration) threatened Alaska wildlife for pipelines, conservation was in the forefront of people's minds. Oh, and non-profits did more to purchase land to set aside for the future. They had more money to do things since environmentalists were rallying around these threats.³

Now, I am not saying Nader mattered on all of the elections he was in, but people who vote for Nader are more likely to vote for a Democratic than a Republican candidate.

Also, I have heard that if Obama is the nominee, perhaps Nader doesn't have much of a role, either, because he is getting non-voters to vote. He is not just cutting a piece of the voting pie; he is baking as well.

So maybe your vote is not lost. If that makes your head explode, Texas, Ohio, Rhode Island and some other little state, well, it may made a difference if you vote for Obama or against H. Clinton.

I am a woman and really want to see a woman president. But the right president.

My prediction is this: if Obama wins the Democrat nomination, it is even money between Obama and McCain. If H. Clinton wins, whoever the Republican nominates will be the next president. Personally, I think it is funny that most Republicans don't like McCain. Maybe that is a good endorsement for the man; I don't know.

But whatever happens, this election year is entertaining. Now what else do you hope for? Candidates that shoot straight? P-please. This is America and we don't vote for people who talk honestly to us.

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¹Is "damnit" a minor swear word? I hope so.

²Translation: this is total BS, a funny piece with kernels of truth interwoven.

³Yeah, I am an environmentalist who does not believe there is much difference between Republicans and Democrats on environmental issues. I am not talking rhetoric. I am talking action.

Family Crap Heirlooms

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

I don't know why I thought of that. It is not like I am thirteen again.

I have been looking at old photos lately, oh, and this is not a photo of my family. Yeah, there is Leesa, third on the left, second row, with the three kids at her feet. Am I the only one that sees children at the feet of someone and thinks of the family dog? Yeah, dogs and kids, at the feet, eating table scraps. Sorry.

I have a lot of old photos of people I have never met – people who have died 60 or more years ago. I say that I "love" these photos, but you know, if they get lost in a fire, how heart-broken will I be? I carry around the photos because I was given them to safeguard. Almost anyone who would have known these people are dead, and the living ones are not very lucid anyway. "Hey, grandpa, go easy on the Wild Turkey." And I always think to myself, "what the hell, he is 90-some-odd years old, what harm can it do?"

Then I look at other things that I cart around or keep in storage. Some of the items are great-grandparents-old-this-or-that. It had sentimental meaning for my great-grandparents or grandparents, but I never used the item. I would have been more sentimental over an old Donny and Marie Record Player. That reminds me of when I was a girl – not some old hair brush.

Of course, then my Catholic genes kick in and I start to feel guilty. "Sorry, Great Grandma Ida, I know you must have counted brush strokes – ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred – and it was especially meaningful for you to pass onto your children. But sooner or later it becomes stuff in a box, taken out ever other decade. Eventually someone will inherit it, and it might find its way to Ebay. Maybe.

Of course, I could buy an old Donny and Marie Record Player on Ebay if I act fast.

Sunday Nights

You know, I hated 60 Minutes when I was growing up. The tick-tick-tick reminded me that Monday morning was just one sleep away, and I normally would have to start working on homework that I should have done on Friday, or Saturday. I mean, Friday afternoon is so far removed from Monday that you really can't really concentrate on school work that early. Saturday is the perfect day. No school the next day, no real responsibilities. Saturday is the perfect day. Sunday was compulsory church – not that I did not like church, but you know, when you have to go, it can be a bit of a chore. By the time you get out of your church dress, it is almost lunchtime on Sunday. A good day, but not the best day.

60 Minutes, for me, was not really a show. It was a signal that the weekend was almost over. We all view the world in our own way, and I see the world in patterns. Seasons are important to me, and so are patterns of the week. Mondays felt one way, Friday another. Well, growing up, Friday always included eating fish. Catholics don't abstain from meat on all Fridays anymore, but when I was growing up, that's what our family practiced.

Back to Sunday nights.

In the fall and winter, my father would watch football. He would watch the afternoon game, that, as I recall, was from 4 PM to 7:00 PM. We normally would not eat around the television, but occasionally, if the game warranted it (overtime), perhaps he would bend the rule on Sunday night.

My dad did not always watch 60 Minutes. He would when his father was visiting, but not on his own. He would leave on the television on through the start of 60 Minutes. The ticking, and then turn it off.

At that point, on regular weekends, I would start worrying. Generally we would have dinner, and I would try and eat really quickly. Dinner was always a family affair, each day of the week, but on Sunday nights, I would excuse myself to "do my homework."

My mother would always ask, "Oh, Leesa, you have not finished your homework for the weekend." Well, sort of a question/statement than an actual question, but she would say this every Sunday night.

I don't have homework anymore, and, you know, my husband does not watch football games or 60 Minutes. So this is more of a memory than anything.

Is 60 Minutes still around? The clock has been ticking for years, and I wonder how many 60 Minutes fans have not outlasted the television program.

Random Friday #15

Wonderblog
The other day, I found out that Mr. Whipple, of Charmin fame, died. Well, he died in November, and I found out here. The name of the blog is Wonderful Wonderblog, and when I looked at some of the entries – a lot of them have to do with people who have died recently. He has four February entries, two of which are about people who have died (Steve Gerber and Shell Kepler). Okay, I don't have a clue who these two people are, but I find it strange that someone with wonderful in his blog name has three RIPs that I noticed.

On Children
Every two or three months, I go to the Caring Bridge site and look at people's personal sites. My last link to them was Ethan Hoffman, and I have not been on the sits in a while. Ethan died in October 2007. I did not know the parents, but I followed some of their struggles. They have a slideshow on another site. Don't visit if you don't want to sob. One of the sites I used to visit was for someone who lost her dad. She wrote encouraging things to the parent's families, so I tripped over her URL a lot. Well, she has a lot of haters, because I think, most believe she turned her site into a personal blog. These sites are supposed to be about families going through life-threatening illnesses (mostly cancers). And most of the sites are for children.

I find it interesting that there are haters on a site dedicated to offering comfort. One of the first children I saw on Caring Bridge was Olivia, and I wrote about it a long time ago.

James Blunt
James Blunt has a song called "Your Beautiful", and every time I hear it, I bawl. A couple of years ago, several Caring Bridge sites (including Olivia's) had some video to the song or the song playing in the background.

The other day, someone was bashing James Blunt, and I piped up, saying, "Oh, I like him."

The guy's retort: "All that proves is that you have a uterus."

I felt insulted. I tried to think of a comeback, but I couldn't.

Mad Dog Mengden
Someone sent me a YouTube video, and it is pretty funny. Molly Ivins is a journalist (or humorist), and although the video is professionally edited, it is hard to believe this subject.

I am not from Texas, but I learned two things about Texas law:

1. Owning six dildos is makes one a felon, but owning five dildos makes one a hobbyist.
2. The State of Texas made sodomy a crime. Originally the senators just wanted to make homosexual sodomy a crime, but because it would probably be considered unconstitutional because it was discriminatory, so they made all sodomy illegal.

Oh, and after I watched the video, it suggested this video that is more audio than video (a gag phone call). Funny as heck.



Time Off Together
Grant and ~Deb have been taking time away from blogging at the same time. It is sort of like watching two co-workers leave for lunch at about the same time. First thought is that they are sleeping together. By "first thought" I meant my first thought, not yours.

TV with the Sound Down
The other day I was watching television, and my hubbie called (he was still at work). I turned the television to mute and then answered it. I was watching NCIS, and when talking on the phone to my hubbie, I realized that you could watch NCIS and still get the full impact. Mark Harmon is a hottie. I am not sure what the show is about, but Mark Harmon is a hottie. I have heard from reliable sources (reading the headlines from rags while waiting in line at the grocery store) that Mark Harmon is sort of a difficult guy in real life. Well, guess I should consider the source, because he is a hottie. Did I mention that?

Medical Questions
I posted a long time ago about something related to colon cleansing, and I thought about it the other day. I googled it at work, and I got a lot of hits. I mean, a lot of hits. And it seems like everybody is cleaning out their colons. Makes me wonder if I am alone in not cleaning myself out. Guess I need to work on this.

Word Verification
For Asian Porn, click here.

Okay, now that Grant is gone, I have an idea. I heard Grant say recently that he doesn't get spam and his word verification is turned off. Please, everyone, including lurkers, go to Grant's blog and place some spam. Say something very spammy. Oh, and if you can't think of something spammy, go here.

I wanted to do somethign for this very special day, "Leap Year Day," but I could not think of anything fun to do.

The Holy Land

I saw the following commercial on YouTube a while back (March 19, 2007, to be exact).



For those of you who don't click on videos (or those who have videos blocked at work), the video is an ad for Israel and they are using sex to sell the idea of going to Israel. Now, I am not posting this just so that the guys and girls can see sexy women in video format. No, that's not the point.

Hey, there is a replay button on the player. Neat.

Wait a minute, what was I attempting to write? Oh, yeah, someone made a commercial using sex to sell the Holy Land. Can you imagine the pitch? I mean, I don't know what the Israel Chamber of Commerce looks like, but I imagine a bunch of Hassidic Jews, Muslim Shaman and friendly Catholic Nuns sitting around a conference table, listening to advertising firms pitching ideas.

Ad Man: "We all know that Israel is the cradle of religion."

Hassidic Jew: "Actually, Egypt is known as the cradle of religion."

Ad Man: "Yeah, I knew that. I mean Israel has a crapload of religious stuff."

Catholic Nun: "I am not sure we would categorize this as crapload."

Ad Man: "The point is that when people think of Israel, they either think of people praying or people blowing other people up."

Muslim Shaman: "And you want us to market that vacationers can get blown up when they visit?"

Ad Man: "No, actually, people know about religion. And they know about the danger involved."

Pause while everyone looks at the ad man.

Ad Man: "I just think having a commercial with a little tits and ass would attract people to the Holy Land. Gets their minds off of the danger, and supplement the religion."

At least that's what I imagine when I view the commercial. That and thinking I did not know you could show your boobs off in the beaches in Israel. Makes one want to go. Damn ad man.

Disjointed Views of Marriage

A long time ago, Prata made the following comment:

Marriage...the lemming race. *chuckles*

Seriously though, I've never viewed marriage as a necessity. Not that I wouldn't get married if I found someone that I wanted to be with that felt it was a necessary part of their ideal relationship outcome; however, I think I'd have to question why it was a necessity to them in the first place.

I believe you're mostly correct there Leesa. People get married to share things that are possibly very personal (good or bad) with someone that can identify and has a stake in these things. But, does marriage make you any more likely to have a stake in what happens to the significant other than say, a serious boyfriend/girlfriend? If someone commits to you, is marriage necessary to say that they have a stake in something?

I know you're not trying to make that point, I'm just asking your view I suppose. Does marriage outweigh a committed individual's actual stake in or commitment to a relationship?

Prata made the comments in March of 2006 and I wanted to answer them. I saved his comment, probably because it touched on something I wanted to write about at the time. I remember I was thinking a lot about my marriage.

In the same area I saved this message, I saved a fragment of a note I wrote a fellow blogger. Some of you may remember Muse. She started and blew up three or four blogs in a few years. Her penname, Muse, is quite common in the blogging world, and I don't think it has anything to do with the English rock band. It probably has more to do with the nine muses in Greek mythology¹:

• Calliope (the 'beautiful of speech'): chief of the muses and muse of epic or heroic poetry
  Clio (the 'glorious one'): muse of history
  
• Erato (the 'amorous one'): muse of love or erotic poetry, lyrics, and marriage songs
  
• Euterpe (the 'well-pleasing'): muse of music] and lyric poetry
  
• Melpomene (the 'chanting one'): muse of tragedy
  
• Polyhymnia or Polymnia (the '[singer] of many hymns'): muse of sacred song, oratory, lyric, singing and rhetoric
  
• Terpsichore (the '[one who] delights in dance'): muse of choral song and dance
  
• Thalia (the 'blossoming one'): muse of comedy and bucolic poetry
  
• Urania (the 'celestial one'): muse of astronomy

Anyway, here is part of the letter I wrote Musey:

When you wrote, "Nothing is worse then a woman who stops talking, because it means she's given up. Feigned complacency is all I have left. My fight is gone, I've let it go. My peace is restored without the aid of you. My life, my rules. Volunteer, not victim. My life is what I make it......Muse" I was truly touched.

And then when Melanie wrote the next few paragraphs, that is what I felt when reading what you wrote, though I would not have expressed it so eloquently.

I am fighting the same fight you are; trying to save my marriage. I am Catholic, and for better or worse, I really want things to work out with me and hubbie. And I have expressed on more than one occasion how I want things to work out between you and yours. Sometimes I feel like hubbie is not trying – but because of hormones or circumstances or whatever, things tend to change. So most of the time, hubbie is working with me on our marriage.

Muse, I don't know if this is the case for you and your love. Maybe he is more blasé with the whole thing. That's what it seems like to me. I have known women who settle – because of kids or things or reputation or whatever. If that were the case with me, I would not settle, and I actually don't believe my Church would want me to settle as well. If each partner is not "mutually supportive," then a Catholic marriage does not exist. I know, this part doesn't matter for you – just thinking out loud.

Recently I have had really depressing thoughts. But hubbie always picks me up, sometimes a little late, but always picks me up. I am not sure you have that. And when I want more than hubbie can give, he tries to give. He tries.

Musey, only you know what is best for you. It seems, however, that you are spent. Not sure you would make a good decision right now. You need rejuvenation to make sure your outlook is clear, so you can see what choices there are, let alone choosing the right one for you and your children. For me, it involved therapy and medication. For you, it might involve something else. While similar in ways, we are all different.

I have no answers – just want to give you some support, Musey!

Again, this was written in early 2006. Hubbie and I struggled through 2006, and things eventually got better. I lost touch with my friend Muse. Writing was cathartic for Muse, and I hope that she has peace in her life; that's why she drifted out of my life. I really hope that is the case.

I sometimes imagine her playing with her dog. Can't remember exactly what it looks like, but it doesn't matter. To run with a dog, throwing objects and letting the dog retrieve them. Dogs live to please people; that's part of their joy.

Whether you wear loose fitting clothing and dance with Apollo or run barefoot in the sand with a pet, sometimes getting away from the daily grind is what is called for. I don't know where this post is going.

Sometimes marriage is a lot like a post with no real point. You are just doing things that come natural, spending time with one another, trying to figure out why the heck you are living with the guy who snores and clips his toenails in bed. And part of you loves the fact that when you wake up in the morning and automatically make two eggs, you have someone to share breakfast with. When I was first married, I thought marriage was easy. I am not that naïve anymore. It just sometimes pisses me off when people look like marriage is easy.

Oh, and Prata chucked because I made a connection with people getting married and lemmings following each other off a cliff. Maybe this whole post could have been summed up in that piece of imagery.

---

¹Taken from Wikipedia. It may not be right, but it is fairly immaterial to the posting.

Thoughtful Giving

Almost one year to the day, I wrote a post about princess sheets – about a compassionate story of how a nurse helped a dying child. This blog entry is about something similar.

I purposefully embedded an ad from St. Jude's. The tag line is "Madelyn is fighting cancer. Please help St. Jude save her life." I find this ad to be extremely manipulative. It is akin to someone saying, write me a check or the child dies. Now I have no problem with a non-profit organization asking for money. In Savannah, we have a children's hospital imbedded in Memorial Medical Center. Sick kids go there. And if they are really sick, they go to Atlanta. Atlanta's tag line, "Children need Children's."

I have heard many actors speak about the good work St. Jude is doing. My guess is that they give them cue cards, tell them what to say. Some of the actors may have even visited St. Jude's. I mean, one could visit St. Jude's and Graceland in the same day. Okay a little bit calloused.

Going back to St. Jude's. I really don't know much about the hospital itself. I have never been a patient there, nor have I known any patients who received care there. They are a research hospital, focusing their efforts on pediatric cancer research. Danny Thomas, I believe, started St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, and his daughter Marlo Thomas continues to be its main spokesperson (and major contributor). I remember her for her "Free to Be . . . You and Me", a television special that I would listen to (on a record) when I was growing up. I don't remember the program, but I do remember listening to records instead of television.

I don't have a problem with St. Jude's as a hospital. My problem with them is with their ads. Some of the television ads (and movie theater ads) basically imply that if you don't give money to St. Jude's, some little girl (or boy) will die. And that is really not the case.

Timing
The ad shows a child with cancer, and with cancer, time is of the essence. If I give money to St. Jude's, the money does not get deposited to the research organization immediately and then a cure is found. Can you imagine a physician saying, "Well, I am 98% towards the cure to this cancer, but I am just going to kick back until I get that last $50 from Leesa." The implication is that the current child will die without support, and the child is already undergoing treatment – experimental treatment – at St. Jude's.

Government Grants
Like it or not, the Federal Government spends a lot of money on healthcare research. Part of me thinks we should personally supplement this, because of the idea that we would be getting at the root of the problem. Thousands are slashing at the leaves, when one attacks the root. But part of me thinks to myself, let the government handle this, and hope the healthcare research is not on enlarging the urethra on men who want to pee faster.

Compassion
St. Jude's is a cancer hospital, and for my money, I believe that more needs to be spent for compassion. I give money to our local children's hospital, and I know the money goes to local children. I am with Mother Theresa on giving locally. Or if I wanted to give to Atlanta, for instance, where they have children who receive bone marrow transplants, I know Atlanta's Children Hospital (technically called Children's Healthcare of Atlanta) sees Savannah's children as well. Yeah, I know that giving money to the children's hospital probably does not go into research, but it supports children who are on research protocols.

When I hear drives for local charities, the approach is more normally "Look at all of the good work we have done. Give us money to help us continue these efforts."

When I was growing up, I went around the block to gather money for the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. Someone from the neighborhood would go down to the local TV station to deliver the money; we never went ourselves. I would watch the telethon for hours, as Jerry Lewis would beg the audience for one more dollar. Now, I gave money to the Muscular Dystrophy Association for a bunch of years, and I don't think the Federal Government was really putting much money into research at the time.

I am not saying that giving to MDA is good or bad. Part of me wants to give to a bunch of organizations. But you know what would be better, and something I have adopted? Concentrated giving makes more economic sense. If you give to one or two organizations, it makes the giving more efficient. If you give to 20 organizations, all twenty spend money on trying to get you to give more. If you give to two, the other eighteen can concentrate their efforts on others, and you will be able to concentrate giving to the two organizations.

Oh, and I give anonymously. I would like to say that I do so because of Bible scripture ("But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.", Mat 6:3). It isn't. Most organizations put out an annual report, and if you give more than a certain amount, your name is put in the report (unless you tell them that you want your donation to be anonymous). Some development people scan annual reports to get leads. If one gives to one organization, you know the person is a giver. So you ask. And, since I am concentrating efforts, I don't want to know. I might change my mind.

And you may have guessed, I am not giving to St. Jude's. Madelyn is a cutie pie and all, but I do give locally.

Walnuts and Split Rail

I saw this photo the other day, and it truly took my breath away. I know the image is small – click on the image to see it larger and on the Flickr site. I was toying with the idea of placing another image on this blog entry, but the cobblestone farmhouse has a more modern addition in the background which both ruins and makes the picture for me. Let me explain.

I love the look of stone. The farmhouse is magnificent, and the stonework is beautiful. There is an addition to the back that probably makes living in the house much more comfortable, but it detracts from the aesthetic beauty. The rambling creek in the front also adds to the beauty of the picture – a picture I really enjoy. But I wonder about the people who made the addition. Were they thinking of radiant heat, spacious interiors and a Jacuzzi in the master bath suite?

Back to the image I chose to borrow for this post. First, the only reason I know the trees are walnuts is because of the title of the photo. I would have guessed pecans. And I am saying pecan as a southern lady would say the word (pə kɑn instead of pi kæn). Walnuts always seemed like a more northern nut to me, though I would hazard to guess that we can grow walnuts in Georgia. Perhaps many of us just don't choose to grow walnuts.

Walnuts, Pecan trees and Oak trees have wonderful bark, and this picture beautifully shows the trees. I could get lost in the bark, wondering what insects call this their home. I like insects, though viewing them at a safe distance. Insects seem to have weird facts associated with them – that a cockroach can live for ten days after being decapitated, or that the Monarch butterfly can travel up to 17 miles per hour. I sometimes wonder if a man was sucked into a tornado and they clocked him at 80 miles per hour, does that mean that he is faster than a cheetah?

Oh, back to the photo.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live on a farm. Would I still be as fascinated with trees and stone buildings? I mean, if I lived on a farm, would I be writing of fascination with Kinko's and Starbucks? Split rail fences seem very romantic, but I wonder how practical they are – I mean, I would think that the wood would begin to rot fairly quickly, rain pooling along the rail during the rainy season.

Barns have a similar romantic notion. I mean, ever since I saw "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers", I wanted someone to construct a barn in my backyard. Well, not just anybody, but a bunch of handsome men that could dance and fight over me.

Interesting that when one sees a picture, many thoughts can enter one's mind. Perhaps that's why it is called art.

Blogthings

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?