Customer Service: Airlines

I am constantly amazed at the low level of customer service in certain industries. Take, for instance, the airline industry.

On Time Take-Offs
Okay, the last time I was on an airplane, we pulled away from the gate and sat feet from the gate so that we could be counted as "leaving on time." The pilot and FAA may count this as leaving on time, but I am still on the ground, my bladder shrinking to the size of a pinto bean and my overactive imagination wondering how pure this recirculated air is. I swear I sit next to someone with a respiratory disease every time we have to wait on the tarmac. Oh, and I really don't know what a tarmac is, but it sounds aviation-y.

Airline Food
Airline food is the worse food I have ever had – and yes, it is the airline's fault. They could just toss me a piece of fresh fruit and a granola bar and I would be happy. Instead they pick a menu that is bland, that they sometimes have to prepare, and is - what am I looking for - less forgiving than what I really want. Plan simple meals that most of your passengers want.

Airline Fares
Airline industry: simplify your rates schedule. When I looked around the airplane on my last flight, I knew that of the 130 passengers on board, we had perhaps 80 different ticket costs. Okay, perhaps a few less, but it was a bunch of different ticket costs. If I had the time and IQ to figure out how to get the best deal, I would not care about this. But I am not that smart or industrious. If I traveled more, perhaps I would read Airline Fares for Dummies. But I don’t have the time. When I was younger and had no money, I liked the ideas of complicated rate schedules. They favor the people who have time and energy to figure out the codes – think long distance service when you were a college student.

Airline Hunks/Babes
I have been told that flight attendants were suppose to either be babes (think Coffee, Tea or Me) or hunks (Playgirl letters, circa 1982). Well, I think all of this hullabaloo is fiction. Yeah, the book was based on real experiences – personally I think it was written by some marketer of the airline industry to increase air traffic.

Mile High Club
When I was in high school, I knew several boys who claimed to be part of the mile high club. I think people who claim this status are either lying (99% of them) or are airline pilots and are telling the truth. All that turbulence? Another pilot joining the mile high club. No wonder they want to lock cockpit (ever wonder where they get the name?) doors.