Fire and Ice

I like warm weather, which is pretty good since I live between South Carolina and Hell. And I don't mean to disparage those in Florida, but Georgia is sort of hot. Most of the time. I can remember many Thanksgivings when I am still wearing shorts while getting ready for the festivities. In short, Georgia = Hot Place.

I don't like being cold – feeling cold. When my hands get cold, it is sort of like there is a nerve that reached down to the core of my being and makes me feel like ice. I could never live in anywhere cold. Not Wisconsin, not South Dakota, not North Dakota (if it even exists), not Michigan. All so darned cold for too long.

I am not sure that North Dakota even exists. I have never met someone from there, and I have not even known anyone who has met someone from there. Some doubt that we landed on Mars; I doubt that North Dakota exists. I think they made the whole thing up to either even out the number of states (to make our flag a kick-ass flag), or to give one political party some more votes in Congress. Then I looked at North Dakota's alleged governor – his "name" is Hoeven. Have you ever heard of someone with that name? And, I might add, blatantly implanted in his name is the word "even." The state flower is the Wild Prairie Rose (or Rosa arkansana). Note that the species name is practically Arkansas. And I can say this because I can't offend anyone from a state that does not exist.

Now I like winter in other places. If someone would say, "Here are two airline tickets to [insert cold place with snow, skiing, hot tubs, and fireplaces here]. Spend a week freezing your ass off." I would go. I would freeze. I would drink adult beverages by a roaring fire. I would hot tub until my skin resembled raisons. I could do that . . . for a week.

I just don't like cold that much. Colorado must be a really nice place, but it is way high up, and it gets too cold. Plus every once in a while everything burns. The problem with pristine forests is that they occasionally burn. Not like a house, where you have two fire trucks to save the people, pets. We are talking about fires that burn for days/weeks.

I see, on occasion, smoke when traveling down I-95. I assume forests are burning, but they are not in my backyard. And what is interesting is that it is not like California – these fires cannot be found on CNN, with people saying that they lost their houses. The fires burn and I hear little national news about our fires. Maybe they are Florida fires. I really don't know. I have not been that close to them.

Excuse me while I brace myself for the weekend. We will be in the 60's. and I will not be freezing my ass off. How I love Georgia. Go Jackets!