A few months ago, I was in a restaurant with a bunch of people from my family. The event was not important, but we more-or-less had three large tables. My siblings and I did not sit together (we know each others' stories), and so I got to sit near some "cousins." These were not first cousins, mind you, and I don't know exactly how to describe the relationship. Second cousins once removed? First cousins twice removed? Not exactly sure, but we are far enough removed, if we were in the hill country, we could be married.
So here I am with my distant cousins, making small talk, and the conversation turns to sex. Now, I have been at lunches with girlfriends that turned to sex, and I was okay with it. But here I am with family that I really don't know well, and they were talking about sex. The size of his penis when he is two seats away; men boasting about pleasing their wives, women talking about why they should be able to clean the house in the nude, why topless should be no big deal, about all sorts of things.
I was silent and probably a lovely shade of crimson. I was so embarrassed.
I know my parents had sex, but I don't want to think about them having sex. I am very happy that they had their loving, as I am a prodigy of said lovemaking. But I don't want to acknowledge it at all. Similarly, I don't talk to my brother or sister about sex. I know they have sex, but I don't want to know that they are having sex. And my siblings, I am sure, don't want to know about my sexual escapades. It just seems so wrong.
Every once in a while, when I stay home because I am sick, I will watch "daytime programs." I can't watch soap operas; actually I always think I have missed so many years, and remarkably, the plot is about what I remembered. Anyway, in my area, Jerry Springer is normally on, and if I am sick enough, I will have it on in the background. And half the time, there is someone who slept with someone's sister. Or cousins that are doing it, or whatever. Completely gross, but it must get good ratings. There was another show – I think it is new – called Cheaters. I watched it, and it was not so good. Then at the end, there was this one guy who got 5 minutes to clear his name. Apparently on another episode he was caught fooling around in a hot tub with his cousin. They showed clips of the episode, and he was going on about getting a lawyer. I guess the resolution was for him to clear his name. He looks even more guilty now. But the point is that some people don't think it is strange to mix family and sex.
I remember playing games with family, and if anything mildly sexual arose, I would get so embarrassed, and I was not the only one. I am sure my family has sex, but I really don't want to imagine any of them having sex. It is difficult enough watching some of them dance at weddings.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
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3. My Stories. Yeah, I have a few erotic stories here. I know, they are not all that good, but they were fun to write. Don't read them if this offends you (and they represent less than 1% of the content here). These stories have elements of truth and fantasy, some more true than others. Complain about something that is a bit more substantive if you must complain. I have lots of faults.
10 comments:
My brother is rather free with information about his sex life. Even when I tell him I don't want to hear it! Girl cousins I don't mind discussing things with, but I think that's where I'll draw the line.
My mother's extent of talking about sex ever was something like this:
her: are you doing it with that girl? (referencing my first gf)
me: no.
her: Use protection.
me: okay.
And that was the extent of me ever in my life hearing something from my mother about sex. I never got the birds and the bees talk, mainly because I was well educated in sexual reproduction before 7. I'm an avid reader lol.
Side note, I want to watch Farewell My Concubine again.
dna: I think it was the mixed company that bothered me. When I was a teenager, I did discuss sex with my cousins - both the boys and the girls. But it was always one-on-one or only girl cousins.
prata: your Mom sounds like my Dad. He would be, "I don't want you doing it with [name]." Once I said, "Who can I do it with?" (in frustration with the whole scripted discussion) I felt about one inch tall that day.
So how do family reunions go if this is what they discuss at a meal?
(You really don't have to answer that.)
Unless you want to of course.
It's all about TMI whenever my sister talks about her sex life. I just want the 'basics' if they do talk about their relationships. Otherwise, it just makes me feel odd.
Mom and dad had SEX? WHAT?????
mark: yeah, I thought of that.
mike: at mealtimes, it can get gross. That is when people talk about puss oozing out of whatever, carving up fetal pigs and the like. Thanks, family.
~deb: technically, your Mom and Dad may not have had sex for your mother to birth you. Basics are fine, positions, locations, etc, are not.
I hate my family and none of them are particularly hot, so that was an easy situation to avoid even growing up in rural Kentucky.
Wow, 5 minutes to clear his name. They must have been feeling generous that day.
I know the feeling of talking about sex with the family around. Last night I was talking to my sister who's pregnant with twins. Apperntly during the sonogram she saw that the boy was sitting on the girl's head with his "penis and balls on her face." If anyone else had said it, I wouldn't have laughed so hard, but I just don't imagine my sibs saying stuff like that. Even after she's been telling me of every gynological problems she's had in her life. If she only knew of my blog...
As well as my brother. I know he has a bigger stash of porn and toys than I do, but I don't think I could ever have a conversation about it with him. "Oh, you like jerking off in the shower too?" Don't see it happening.
My in-laws talk about everything but sex (and never about butt sex) and meal-times are to be feared. We've talked about sonograms, mamograms, colonoscopies, mole removal, bowel movements, the lack of bowel movements, puss, infections, birth control methods and why my sister-in-law isn't pregnant. They complain about every joint, muscle, ligament, and organ known to man and a couple I SWEAR they've made up. They talk about personal issues so much that I'm afraid to leave the table in fear of being verbally dissected. I can hardly make it through dinner except that it's too funny to miss.
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