tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post7734081348258970673..comments2024-02-26T11:07:08.028-05:00Comments on Leesa's Stories: On DeathLeesahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09552562808209927463noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-48240525646848546272009-03-13T10:55:00.000-05:002009-03-13T10:55:00.000-05:00kathi: I still think you are young.Xmichra: I do t...kathi: I still think you are young.<BR/><BR/>Xmichra: I do think that when people die of cancer, when they can "say goodbye", it is easier, even if it is a close loved one.<BR/><BR/>btsea: You used to blog, and I think you deleted it. I wish you still blogged.Leesahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09552562808209927463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-56040247983830017802009-03-13T00:35:00.000-05:002009-03-13T00:35:00.000-05:00Animals might leave a mess on the carpet, but they...Animals might leave a mess on the carpet, but they usually are incapable of doing something that would allow one to hold a long term grudge against them. Their misdeeds and foibles are easily forgiven because I think our expectations for them are lower to start with. We expect them to be loveable and cuddly. But you can still have a deep attachment to them. My sister's horse she had in her teens broke its leg...we all know what happens then.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, the guy that cut you off on the freeway you are already cursing to an early grave! There is more sacrifice in loving and forgiving humans.<BR/><BR/>I recently lost a relative. I am still mulling it over in my mind a bit.<BR/><BR/>Inspiration is funny. Thoughts come to my mind mostly while driving. I'll remember a song I'd completely forgotten. I can either try and find a pen and scribble the song name while driving, or continually repeat it until I get somewhere I can write it down. But if I stop repeating, or even think about something else for a mere few seconds, I'll completely lose that treasure!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-77480316832963039562009-03-12T15:19:00.000-05:002009-03-12T15:19:00.000-05:00of course it all depends on the relationship. I do...of course it all depends on the relationship. I don't know for sure, but I don't think I would so much as cry should I find out my father died. But when my grandfather died, I was totally ruined for months aferwards and still feel that loss when certain things happen (hear a particular song, go to family funcions, etc). <BR/><BR/>I think it also works differently on sittuation... I had a friend that was killed five years ago which affected me more than losing my grandmother from cancer last August. I think it was more to do with "making my peace" with my grandmother, in effect having the ability to say goodbye. But with my friend, he was killed in a horrible accident, the night of my impending b-day celebration... and that haunted me for years. In fact, this was the first year I didn't lose myself on the anniversary of his death. <BR/><BR/>So. Relationship and Sittuation definately define a little more.Xmichrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08640935280209026338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-80189924939223924632009-03-12T12:56:00.000-05:002009-03-12T12:56:00.000-05:00You're so sweet, but I'm not young and haven't bee...You're so sweet, but I'm not young and haven't been for years, lol.kathihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13998865477080265039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-78574909104577719112009-03-12T10:54:00.000-05:002009-03-12T10:54:00.000-05:00Larry: I trust your judgement.Larry: I trust your judgement.Leesahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09552562808209927463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-69488555928500412232009-03-12T06:59:00.000-05:002009-03-12T06:59:00.000-05:00I have lost all but a sibling. Those I would kill...I have lost all but a sibling. Those I would kill myself some of the time LOL.<BR/><BR/>Without ANY doubt, the order of magnitude is child, that would be a 10 on the Richter scale. Then a spouse, that is a 5 followed by parents and pets at 3 and grand parents at 2.5. <BR/><BR/>Relationships are not even on the scale, since eventually you discover that there were major reasons for the loss, and besides, death is the end point, relationships are so yesterday, each person goes on. Get over it, they are not flesh and blood, they are just mental. Intense yes, forever, never.LarryLillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07476633371958841991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-60646494690593697252009-03-12T05:57:00.000-05:002009-03-12T05:57:00.000-05:00WIXY: Sorry for your loss. I have heard it gets be...WIXY: Sorry for your loss. I have heard it gets better after the second year.<BR/><BR/>Kimber: oh, I am so sorry. I have had loved ones with cancer, and it really can be hard. The only comfort I had was that there was time to say goodbye. Not like a car crash or heart attack - when the loved one doesn't get the chance.<BR/><BR/>Ian: I had not thought about not being able to be consoled by past lovers' families.<BR/><BR/>Kathi: You are young to have lost so much.Leesahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09552562808209927463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-20201362649375266502009-03-11T15:14:00.000-05:002009-03-11T15:14:00.000-05:00I've lost all my grandparents, my parents, 20 some...I've lost all my grandparents, my parents, 20 some pets over my lifetime, in-laws, still waiting to say I've lost a spouse or an ex (playing the odds and keeping his life insurance paid up, lol). The hardest for me was my mom. I still grieve for my mom 18 years later. Maybe because that was such a shock ane everyone else had been expected. Still, I know the hardest would be losing a child.kathihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13998865477080265039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-16245145944507545922009-03-11T14:00:00.000-05:002009-03-11T14:00:00.000-05:00This is powerful and terribly honest Leesa and I t...This is powerful and terribly honest Leesa and I truly appreciate what you wrote. Of course, everybody's experience with death is a terribly individualistic thing. I was interested in your spouses comments. My parents had a crappy marriage and fought like helions most of my life. My mother was also, especially in later life, a falling down lush. Yet, when she died my dad went into a complete decline and gave up all hope and passed away not all that long afterward. He was horribly lonely without her despite how dysfunctional she was.<BR/>Grandparents: I still miss my granny and she died when I was 14.<BR/>Pets: Hits harder than we might think.<BR/>Lovers: I once had an affair with a co-worker who was much younger than me. She died suddenly in her 30s from an aneurism. I was quite devastated but couldn't express me genuine grief because nobody knew of our intimate connection. I went to her service and had to play the stiff upper lip game.<BR/>Thanks again, Leesa.Ian Lidsterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14106994463366766471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-83127772504497021012009-03-11T10:51:00.000-05:002009-03-11T10:51:00.000-05:00okay okay okay - I know you said NOT to visit your...okay okay okay - I know you said NOT to visit your site today, but I couldn't help it. I'm ornery and stubborn like that.<BR/><BR/>This woman who has died defies titles for me. Our families were intwined through fate, and while she wasn't a relation, it feels like she was. <BR/><BR/>She told me that it wasn't fair, because she didn't even feel ill. She went to the doctor for a routine check-up, and the doctor noticed a lump, and from there the cancer spread like wildfire into her bones and blood. I know she's gone, but it all happened so fast that I want to call her and talk through my grief with her, even though her absence is the cause of it.<BR/><BR/>I think, the severity of how we react to a death is directly related to how closely it reminds us of our own mortality. We think that we have the same amount of time on this earth as our siblings and spouse. But the amount of time we have is as unique to each of us as our fingerprints. All we can do is make the most of what we have, right now, because there may not be a tomorrow.kimberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00619167075054678786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-63902852625734484362009-03-11T08:44:00.000-05:002009-03-11T08:44:00.000-05:00A year ago last week, I lost my younger brother. H...A year ago last week, I lost my younger brother. He was 49, hadn't walked on his own for 20 years, and lived in a nursing home. He also worshipped the ground I walked on.<BR/><BR/>I took this extremely hard, and blogged about him for over 2 weeks.Cliffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08322086604599640345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-85064655640518319952009-03-11T08:42:00.000-05:002009-03-11T08:42:00.000-05:00This seems to make sense. I know this is an extrem...This seems to make sense. I know this is an extremely personal topic - and I did place siblings above spouses, partly for the controversy. But I am shocked at how impactful sibling deaths seem to be.Leesahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09552562808209927463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16163858.post-33747732127147490982009-03-11T08:16:00.000-05:002009-03-11T08:16:00.000-05:00I have a couple of opinions and thoughts on this. ...I have a couple of opinions and thoughts on this. For me, in the past, I have mourned over a failed relationship longer than a death of a friend. I guess it depends on the level s of feelings involved. <BR/><BR/>As far as spouse, just a little over a year, Madelene had zoomed out of the apartment to go to work. I did my daily routine, pick up after her, throw a load of laundry in and then headed off into the bedroom to make the bed, when I saw something outside that struck me as odd. Madelene’s car was still parked in the driveway. I looked again. She was in the car, but not moving. She had left 1 hour before. <BR/><BR/>(Sidetrack)-----A year before this, her close friend that worked at the same place had a heart attack in his car. So my mind went there. <BR/><BR/>I kept staring at the car to see if there was any movement. None. I started freaking out and do you know who my first call was to? MY MOTHER! My mother!!! I didn’t know what to do - I certainly would have passed out or had a heart attack myself to pull her body out of there. I was so stricken with grief and anxiety that I was literally paralyzed. My mother advised me to go down there and check if she’s ok. <BR/><BR/>As I was putting my sneakers on, I was crying and screaming - I went absolutely insane. The thought of losing her was the most tragic thing I can ever imagine. As I tried to get my second shoe on, I passed out. <BR/><BR/>She had come inside and told me she had lost her job and was trying to get the courage to tell me while sitting in her car. So, she did leave, but she came back an hour later, leaving me to believe her heart failed her in the car while trying to drive off to work. <BR/><BR/>Someone that you’re so connected to, (as for me with Madelene)----we’re one. I don’t see us as two any longer as we were while dating. She is my other half. I would die if she died, in my mind. <BR/><BR/>Same with siblings. They feel that they’re connected in a special bond that’ll never cease. <BR/><BR/>Then you have a relationship that has broken up. The failed relationship or marriage is like a death, only, the person out there “chooses” not to speak to you any longer. That can be even more painful, if the person is still not over him or her. <BR/><BR/>I think it’s more complex than just narrowing it down to ‘which is sadder’ type of scenario .Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14986475569600734742noreply@blogger.com