Monday, December 29, 2008

They Cancelled Eli Stone? Crap!

Yvonne Strahovski as Princess Leah (every boy's fantasy).Last month, ABC announced the cancellation of three shows. Okay, I only really knew one of the shows – Eli Stone – but that was one of my favorite shows on television. ABC is not the most popular television station (I think that is CBS), so I don't get why they would cancel their shows. Oh, and point of fact, they did not cancel as they really did not re-order shows. It turns out to be the same thing, though.

ABC has canceled a bunch of shows. Let's see: Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, Lipstick Jungle, Crusoe and My Own Worst Enemy. The only one I really care about is Eli Stone. But still, it appears that other than CBS, most networks are cancelling everything. Maybe it is because I don't watch much television, but it seems weird to have this many shows

I mean, it is not like it is an episode of Room Raiders.

Now there is this other show I have found – Chuck. Chuck is about a computer brained geeky guy who sort of because of bad/dumb luck, becomes a quasi-spy. My taste always kills good television. Zachary Levi and Yvonne Strahovski – sorry, but I think you need to start updating your resumes.

Just a short rant. Thanks for listening.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Leesa's Mailbag: Issue 5

Dear Leesa,

I was wondering what you would suggest for someone looking to purchase an interesting gift this year that does not involve batteries?

Leesa's Answer: Perhaps you could order a photography book. Perhaps a book that focuses on Polaroid photography. With the economy and everyone thinking about how tight things are, perhaps a book that is shows the wonderful world of Polaroids. Maybe it will remind us of how things were in the late 1970s, the last time I remember when things seemed bleak.

Dear Leesa,

Why are you such a whore? Why do you write such slutty things?

Sign Me,
Puritan in Peoria


Leesa's Answer: At first, I was going to defend my writing, but that's not really objective. Then I remember reading a post by A Little Off Kilter that talked of a ratings site where you can see what your blog would rate. Sort of like the motion picture industry. Actually, I think the people (a dating site) who created it might have some copyright infringement, but I don't really want to go there. I ran my site through, and I got a rating of R. And the blog who recommended it got a worse rating (NC-17) than me. I mean, I write about oddly shaped cum stains. And I have a stalker who basically says I am some sort of sperm fiend.

I don't know why I write such slutty things. But according to the site, they are not as slutty as they could be.

Dear Leesa,

What was the most interesting thing you thought today?

Sincerely,
A Friend


Leesa's Answer: Well, today is not over, and I hope I think of more interesting things, but it occured to me that it is a pity that no one really famous died on the day I was born. I was looking at a quiz here that tells you who died on your birthday. I mean, Austrian writers and Ugandian bicyclists are mentioned, so I think the list is fairly complete. No deaths of importance on my birthday. Pity. I guess.





Follow My Blog
Google/Blogger has a relatively new widget for following other bloggers. They wrote about it in August, actually, but I am sure many of us don't read "The Official Blogger Buzz." Whether you think of the follower widget as a way to stalk people, show your support to other bloggers or just a way to be part of a croud, please add me as one of the blogs you follow. It might not make you feel better, but it will make me feel better.

Write Me
Please contribute to the questions asked on "Leesa's Mailbag." Over the last few years, people have emailed me with questions, and I have answered them on an individual basis. Now, I think I will answer them on a blog entry. I will do it on Fridays when I have enough questions to cobble together a post. Sort of an Ann Landers with attitude. Just write to the following email address: For everyone but Amy the Annonomous commenter.

Also, let me know if you want to be acknowledged or anonymous. Makes no difference to me. For those who use the comments section to ask a question, I will assume those are public posts.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Amy's Secret

The blue of the television set bathed the hotel room walls.

If anyone were to peer inside to see what was on the screen, one would see three well-hung men slowly stroking their cocks. The men were standing around, apparently in some porn plot where they were racing to see who could cum first. The men were laughing, stroking, and then if you gazed at the bed, you would have seen a young production manager fingering herself, amazed at the beefy men in the video.

Twenty minutes later, after each of the men messily and she came gloriously, she finished getting ready for her date. She picked up her cell phone on the way out the door, but it started ringing right before she began to dial. It was her boss.

"Hi, Love," she answered the phone, "How are you this evening?"

"No, she answers, "I am on my way out actually."

She debates whether to stay in her hotel room or go down the hall to the elevator. She knew the conversation might get a tad spicy. She is late for her date, and decides to go out. Busy girl, I know, but this is Amy's life.

The hall is empty, but if people were in the hall, they would hear Amy talking about servicing her boss in his office.

"Oh, yes, I would sit down on your desk, parting my legs, showing you my forbidden pussy. I would ask you if my pussy is the prettiest pussy you have seen."

Amy entered the elevator and continued talking, "Tell me again, I have a prettier pussy than your wife."

Amy looked up and notice she was sharing the elevator with someone else.

She cupped the cell phone with her right hand and said, "Sorry."

The man chucked and said, "Guess I am missing out. If you like, I could tell you how it compares to those I have seen."

Amy whispered that she needed to go, laughed after hanging up and turned beet red.

"Sorry, just a game I am playing with a friend."

They both exit the elevator on the first floor, and Amy heads to the entrance of the hotel to catch a taxi. She was going to get a drink at the bar before leaving, but she did not want to be followed by the elevator friend. She did not have time for him, and she figured she would just be fighting off his advances. He was handsome, but not her type.

The next couple of hours were filled with forgettable experiences. She had met her lover and had dinner together. Through dinner and drinks, she was remembering the porno, thinking about the men, picturing their semen. She was also remembering her boss, the sex chat on the phone, and also remembering his male member. She would not allow him to enter her pussy, but that did not stop her from giving him blowjobs at work. She laughed when she remembered one of her father's suggestions: "Get paid for what you love." Well, she loved everything to do with blowjobs. Good advice, Dad.

Amy slowly came back into the present, started noticing her lover, wondering where they would next have sex. She wanted sex immediately, but because of her partner's OCD, she knew that she could never get her lover to agree to a bathroom fuck.

Between bites of manicotti, Amy gazed into her lover's dark brown eyes, and said, "You are the only woman for me."

What she did not say that evening was that there was room in her life, in her pants and in her bed for many, many cocks. But as long as the cocks did not invade her womanhood, she considered herself 100% lesbian. Oh, and 100% faithful.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Christmas Perspective

Picture this. A 12-year-old girl in a floral flannel nightdress. She is listening to a record player – a Christmas album – as she gazes dreamily at the family Christmas tree.

Then the song comes on the radio – "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". And I really listened to the words, words that disturbed me because of my belief in Santa Claus. In today's terms, I was really bothered with Santa hooking up with my mother, a mother who I was not sure was sexually active. I have heard many people disclose that they caught their parents "in the act." I never did. Thanks goodness, I might add. They kissed and hugged; that was the extent to what I was exposed to.

And at the time, I was more concerned that a saintly figure would be forcing himself on my mother. Santa was a trusted figure when I was a child. But through a child's eyes, so was the president. Of course, the president to me was very close to the no-name president in "Frosty the Snowman." Someone who wore a suit and we through confetti at. Actually, that sounds a little like Obama.

I digress.

I still believe in Santa Claus. Those who don't believe miss the magic in Christmas. But now the song seems more endearing. So a song I once hated I see in a different light.

Perhaps we would lead richer lives if we looked at our world view from another's perspective. Just a suggestion this holiday season.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

"The 12 Days of Christmas" Debunked

As a Catholic girl, I have heard the following explanation of the origins of "The 12 Days of Christmas". There are other origins also, none of which can be proven; I like to believe this one as it places Catholics in a positive light, but it is really not based in reality at all.

I get an email from a fellow Catholic (and a different one at that) probably two or three times over Christmas. But after reading what Snopes has to say on the subject, it seems a bit more like those Arab friends needing to get money out of the country.

"The Twelve Days of Christmas" was written in England as one of the "catechism songs" to help young Catholics learn the basics of their faith. In short, it was a coded-message, a memory aid. Since the song sounded like rhyming nonsense, young Catholics could sing the song without fear of imprisonment. The authorities would not know that it was a religious song.

"The 12 Days of Christmas" is in a sense an allegory. Each of the items in the song represents something significant to the teachings of the Catholic faith. The hidden meaning of each gift was designed to help Catholic children learn their faith. The better acquainted one is with the Bible, the more these interpretations have significance.

The song goes, "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…"

The "true love" mentioned in the song doesn’t refer to an earthly suitor, but it refers to God Himself. The "me" who receives the presents refers to every baptized person. i.e. the Church.

1st Day: The partridge in a pear tree is Christ Jesus upon the Cross. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge because she would feign injury to decoy a predator away from her nestlings. She was even willing to die for them. The tree is the symbol of the fall of the human race through the sin of Adam and Eve. It is also the symbol of its redemption by Jesus Christ on the tree of the Cross.
2nd Day: The "two turtle doves" refers to the Old and New Testaments.
3rd Day: The "three French hens" stand for faith, hope and love—the three gifts of the Spirit that abide (1 Corinthians 13).
4th Day: The "four calling birds" refers to the four evangelists who wrote the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke and John—which sing the song of salvation through Jesus Christ.
5th Day: The "five golden rings" represents the first five books of the Bible, also called the Jewish Torah: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.
6th Day: The "six geese a-laying" is the six days of creation.
7th Day: The "seven swans a-swimming" refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord.
8th Day: The "eight maids a milking " reminded children of the eight beatitudes listed in the Sermon on the Mount.
9th Day: The "nine ladies dancing" were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
10th Day: The "ten lords a-leaping" represents the Ten Commandments
11th Day: The "eleven pipers piping" refers to the eleven faithful apostles.
12th Day: The ‘twelve drummers drumming" were the twelve points of belief expressed in the Apostles’ Creed: belief in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, that Jesus Christ was born of the Virgin Mary, made man, crucified, died and arose on the third day, that he sits at the right hand of the father and will come again, the resurrection of the dead and life everlasting.

So the next time you hear "the Twelve Days of Christmas" consider how this otherwise non-religious sounding song had its origins in keeping alive the teaching of the Catholic faith.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Tuning In

Taking an Ear Bud out and tuning into life.I woke up this morning and wanted to just tune out of everything digital, everything that some may consider noise (music in the background that you are not appreciating). And this little blog is noise as well. But today being Monday, I had a freakin' blog to write.

Well, my mind will be baking in the sun of some far-off island, no ear buds in my ears, just daydreaming about whatever.

Things about Christmas make me want to abandon my normal routine. I want to just bail out of work – but I really can't do it. Wouldn't feel responsible, me ditching work for an – cough – imaginary cold.

Well – cough, cough – I am going to take the day off. Sorry, I have an imaginary cold.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Leesa's Mailbag: Issue 3

Dear Leesa,

For purely experimental reasons, I was wondering if you could point me in the directions of efficient bomb-making from household items.

Anonymous
User at IP Address 213.223.67.45


Leesa's Answer: I am unable to adequately answer your question. I forwarded your request to Georgia Department of Homeland Security, PO Box 18055, Building 2, Atlanta, GA 30316-0055 days ago. I hope you still have Internet access so you can read my response.

Dear Leesa,

I have tagged you and others for "blogs I read" so I can stalk some peeps myself, however I am not able to get that little widget where their pictures show up because I have not switched to the layout version nor plan to because I don't care much for the format. It makes my blog look weird... Any tips that you can give to switch and have my blog look exactly the same?

~Deb


Leesa's Answer: Okay, I understand the question, sort of, but I am wondering how to answer it. A similar question would be "I really like my 8-track tape player and don't want to change to CD, but I want to be able to play CDs on my 8-track tape player."

And then I looked and looked and looked for the answer. Bottom line is that I now consider myself a complete moron when it comes to everything HTML, Blogspot, and so forth. I have a feeling Google/Blogger really does not want to support the "Classic" version of their product.

Dear Leesa,

You are an excellent writer. Do it for a living! Good luck!

Anonomous


Leesa's Answer: That is not a question, you moron. Oh, you like my writing. How sweet. Does a compliment from a moron count, I wonder? Probably not.




Follow My Blog
Google/Blogger has a relatively new widget for following other bloggers. They wrote about it in August, actually, but I am sure many of us don't read "The Official Blogger Buzz." Whether you think of the follower widget as a way to stalk people, show your support to other bloggers or just a way to be part of a croud, please add me as one of the blogs you follow. It might not make you feel better, but it will make me feel better.

Write Me
Please contribute to the questions asked on "Leesa's Mailbag." Over the last few years, people have emailed me with questions, and I have answered them on an individual basis. Now, I think I will answer them on a blog entry. I will do it on Fridays when I have enough questions to cobble together a post. Sort of an Ann Landers with attitude. Just write to the following email address: For everyone but Amy the Annonomous commenter.

Also, let me know if you want to be acknowledged or anonymous. Makes no difference to me. For those who use the comments section to ask a question, I will assume those are public posts.

---------------------

"Chris’s presentation was very motivational. I’m ready to go for it!"

-- Vickie Butler Bindes
Quality Manager, BJ Services

This was found here.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It's the Economy Stupid

Was it Carl Marx or Bill Clinton that said, "It's the Economy Stupid"? Bill said it during the 1992 presidential election process, but what he failed to say was that American presidents don't control economic policy. Not really.

I was thinking about the economy today as I was thinking about Christmas presents this year. Our household has not felt the sting of unemployment – both my husband and I have earned more each year for the last several years. Not significantly more, but we have beaten inflation. We have a nice house, no credit card or auto debt, and we spend less than we make. So we are probably doing a bit better than the average American economically.

We are choosing to purchase fewer things for Christmas this year. We will not buy gifts for one another, and we will buy fewer gifts for acquaintances. Family will be getting gift cards this year, and one family member will be getting cash. One thing that we are doing a bit more of will be contributing to charities that help those less fortunate than us.

Each year, I give to Catholic Charities. It is a charity I believe in – because, more than anything, I believe they are ethical, they have low overhead and they spend the money how they say they spend their money. There are other charities who have been in the news for wasting money, spending money in ways not prescribed by donors, that type of thing. I don't worry about that with Catholic Charities.

This year, however, I need to find a charity that is both local and spreads Christmas joy. I need my money to go towards Christmas joy for those who are in financial need, who may be in pain or scared or both. Oh, this is a tangent I did not expect to have. I was talking about the economy.

I think my feelings – feelings that we need to hold on to a bit more money, feelings we need to cut back, feelings that by cutting back I am more in tune with others. All of these feelings will make our economy worse. Consumption in the United States is going down. That means those of us who produce CDs don't get as much money, those of us who make toothpaste don't get as much money, and our economy goes into a tailspin.

I look at my 401-K, at the mutual funds – both bond and stock funds. All have gone down. Read estate is down. Oil is even down. When I was in college, I learned about diversification. The point being that not all investments can be down. Well, years later, I look at the financial news and wonder, "Were my professors full of crap?"

Just because nothing has happened in the past does not make it impossible. Just new.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Being Brave

Recently I visited someone at the hospital. Someone from the office had a major operation and will be out of the office for weeks, so as to make their stay in the hospital more uncomfortable, we visited as an office.

Before I continue with this post, I just want to say that if I am ever in the hospital, I don't want my co-workers to visit. Imagine being cut up, drugged, in a hospital gown, and being surrounded by co-workers. That is more like a nightmare for me.

Now the co-worker will be fine, and if he wasn't, I'd be okay with that as well. Not like we are family. Cruel on some levels, but some people have to get sick, and if a co-worker does, then perhaps someone I really care about dodges the bullet this year. This does not make intellectual sense, but deep down, I sort of believe it.

Anyway, I had excused myself from the party – I was not a main character in the event, and the nurses were looking a bit peeved that we broke some kind of visiting hour rules. I sat with another hospital extra in the waiting area for the OR – and I could see a bunch of families waiting for their loved ones to come out of surgery.

I have never had to do this – wait for someone to come out of surgery. I could see worry and pain on some faces, and it occurred to me to ask my self, "What kind of moral support would I be?"

Would I be a brave wife, a brave aunt, waiting for someone to beckon me to the recovery area? I have never had to be brave, and I am not sure I would be brave when the opportunity presents itself.

Now I am planning non-red-meat meals for my hubbie, making sure he gets all his veggies and that he exercises four times per week. I do this because I really don't want to be one of those people in the waiting room, gazing in space while paging through a Cosmo. I'm not that brave.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Leesa's Mailbag: Issue 2

Dear Leesa,

Writing about what we know from our perspective can often turn out dull and boring. However, it's comfortable because we know what we're talking about. For example, writing what women want in a relationship might be right up your alley. So, in your opinion and experience, what do you think men want in a relationship outside of sex?

Knot


Leesa's Answer: This is my first question, and here is how I read it: "Instead of an easy question, I want you to answer a question that I (Knot) know more about than you do. Na, na, na, na. "

I guess it would depend on the relationship.

1. Long-term relationship. Guess it depends on the guy. Most men probably want to either copy what they grew up with (if their parents fostered a wonderful/good home life) or re-write what they grew up with. The guy wants subconsciously to be his father and wants a mother to complement him.

2. Short-term relationship. Men, even most pig-headed men, want to like the people they are screwing with. I would think a short-term squeeze would want companionship.

No deep insight here, sorry. Maybe it is all about companionship. When long-term relationships end because of a death (which one would think is very traumatic), normally the surviving spouse enters into another relationship within a year. It does not make sense to most of us, but that's what happens. I think people miss the companionship.

Dear Leesa,

I'm a new reader and saw that you had a "Dear Abby" type of experiment being tested out, so I would like to participate if you wouldn't mind.

Let me start by telling you that I have been married to my husband for 3 years now. We both have a healthy sexual appetite and fantasy plays a huge role as well. One of his favorite things to discuss during intercourse is the imagery of myself being with another man. We discuss what I'm doing with this guy as well as what my husband is doing while watching. Sometimes, when we're out at a bar, we'll spot a guy who would fit the fantasy role of our little fetish we have. Most of the time, it happens to be the bartender. We would come home with conjured up sexually explicit stories about me and this new fella to toss around while having sex together.

My question to you is, do you think that my husband may be bisexual or bi-curious because he scouts out men for me or, possibly for him? It has gotten to the point where he is completely obsessed over me being with another man, more so than he is with being with me alone.

I'm nervous we won't be able to go back to normal and dabble in our fantasies once in a while.

Sincerely,
Ophelia Beaverstein


Leesa's Answer: I little bit a fantasy is really good in a relationship. That is all I am qualified to answer.

I don't think your husband is bi-curious or bisexual. I think there are a lot of guys who want to see their spouses with other people. I don't get it, but as long as it is fantasy, perhaps it is okay as well.

A while back, I was answering questions on Yahoo Answers. I looked at some of the unanswered questions, and there was a similar question asked there. So I know your concerns are shared by others. As I am not a qualified therapist – or even a therapist at all – I cannot really give you a good answer. And a smart-ass answer seems to not take your concerns seriously.

Dear Leesa,

I have a dear cyber stalker who treks into both our blogs. She used to be an "old friend" of mine but now has resorted to obsessing over the doodling of our lil' ol' blogs.

She also insists that I'm a "tranny". I take this as a great compliment, only due to the fact that most transitioning "women" are tall and thin.

Any tips?

Sincerely,
The Hunted


Leesa's Answer: You know, I have tried all sorts of things to discourage the stalker as well. I have been nice, been mean, have ignored her. All sorts of things. Now I think I am going to be happy that I have a stalker. And a good one.




Follow My Blog
Google/Blogger has a relatively new widget for following other bloggers. They wrote about it in August, actually, but I am sure many of us don't read "The Official Blogger Buzz." Whether you think of the follower widget as a way to stalk people, show your support to other bloggers or just a way to be part of a croud, please add me as one of the blogs you follow. It might not make you feel better, but it will make me feel better.

Write Me
Please contribute to the questions asked on "Leesa's Mailbag." Over the last few years, people have emailed me with questions, and I have answered them on an individual basis. Now, I think I will answer them on a blog entry. I will do it on Fridays when I have enough questions to cobble together a post. Sort of an Ann Landers with attitude. Just write to the following email address: For everyone but Amy the Annonomous commenter.

Also, let me know if you want to be acknowledged or anonymous. Makes no difference to me. For those who use the comments section to ask a question, I will assume those are public posts.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Boobies, Boobies Everywhere

I opened my browser yesterday, and what did I see? Big breasts on a side-bar. Opened another browser window, more breasts and pouty lips. A third browser bar – crap, breasts and wings. [clarification before posting: I did not see crap, it was an expression of frustration at seeing all of the breasts.]

Yes, dear readers, looks like it is almost time for the Victoria Secret annual fashion show. I have actually never seen the show, but there seems to be a lot of internet press on the subject. And it sort of pisses me off.



I remember when there were two main lingerie stores, Victoria Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood. Frederick's was the sluttier of the two stores, and VS was the classy one. I actually only purchased one item at Frederick's – black crotchless pantyhose. I used to love VS.

The only knock I had with them was that their panties were not well made. They would fall apart after a couple of hand washings. Okay, washing on the gentle cycle using Woolite, but still, they should have held up.

For a while, I was really into teddies, and VS had the cutest teddies. Now, you go into the store and they have a couple of teddies and that's all.

What I remember most from the catalog is the fantasy bra. This year, it cost $5 Million. Me and my friends would wonder who would wear such a thing. Some years, there would be a news item on who purchased the item. Most of the time, I think it was just for publicity. And VS gets its share of publicity.

This whole saturation of VS images reminds me of Coleridge's poem, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink.


But instead of water . . . .

Boobies, boobies everywhere,
And all the lads did wank;
Boobies, boobies everywhere,
Nor any cum got drank.


Addendum: Looks like the reader's comments is hidden from me at this time. I think this is a Blogger/Blogspot problem.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Recovering from Thanksgiving

When I was a little girl, Thanksgiving was not one of my favorite holidays. It was actually pretty low on the list. The list went something like this:

1. Christmas
2. Easter
3. Independence Day
4. New Year's Day
5. New Year's Eve
6. Christmas Eve
7. St. Patrick's Day
8. Halloween
9. Mother's Day
10. Groundhog Day
11. Father's Day
12. Thanksgiving

Over the years, some of the more adult holidays made their way up the list and St. Patrick's Day is a bit special for Savannah – it's not that I am Irish. Point being that Thanksgiving was not really that enjoyable for me. But as I have matured, I have really started enjoying the holiday.

Every second or third year, I work at one of the homeless shelters. There is something very rewarding in serving those less fortunate than us. I enjoy the church homilies, the family gatherings, the food, and even the shopping the day after Thanksgiving.

I always sensed that the adults enjoyed the holiday more than me. When you have food, football games, family and conversation, as a child, it is a bit of a yawner. Actually, perhaps it is a bit better for the guys. At least they got to play touch football in the backyard after the dinner. I was on "clean up" duty. Not sure why a uterus is necessary to clear the table, put away the food and wash the dishes, but when I was growing up, I did not question such things.

And several days later, I think I still have a tryptophan-induced content feeling. I hope my boss does not think he will get any work out of me today.